DWNLOADED 9-24-2012 118Journal Entry, Sunday, Septmer14, 2014

TRUE LOVING is a RISK : As I was meditating on Psalm 27 today My prayer was that God would lead me to a deeper level of intimacy. As I thought about the myriad dark places what He has lead me to and the precious intimate relations with people through my life, I then was reminded to read Ephesians, the first chapter. Kathy will relate and agree about the glorious richness of the opening chapter!

Imagine Father God who has already planned our destinies, resplendent with all the depth, revelation and riches of His devising! We, God’s adopted children are rooted in His love and supernatural gifts and blessings. To enjoy the deep well of God’s beauty and LOVE, we must be open to risk and expose ourselves, however shameful. We will NEVER reach a devastatingly wounded world until we can freely reveal our won woundedness. That sounds weird, hanging out your dirty laundry for all the world to see. But when we allow others to look inside our hearts, we open the door to “relationship” intimacy. I’m growing more and more bored with mainstream Christianity! I seek the treasures of intimacy because it is SO healing and enriching. I say this because last night, my visitation at Buttonwood Hospital was pivotal.

My husband was attending a Hebraic bible gathering and I was alone. I knew I needed to get out and minister with my voice and God’s presence. Though I was a little depressed, I felt compelled to go out and bring sunshine to those who were worse off than me.

And as I walked back to my truck, indeed I felt refreshed! I met two new residents I hadn’t met before. One was tethered to an oxygen tank and lay in a dark room. I never know what wonderful things to expect when I enter a room of a person I didn’t know. I asked if I could share a song. By the time I finished “His Eyes Are on the Sparrow” I could feel the powerful presence of the Holy Spirit. The lady was at first apathetic, was shaking with joy I felt so humbled to be used of Father God in such a manner and although I was jerking uncontrollably, it was His deal. I

Nursing home-hospital ministry is not for everyone, but if you are seeking fresh experience in the supernatural and watching half dead people come alive under His power than I encourage you to start today!

My life would be so empty if it weren’t for the deeply enriching episodes of touching a life or making deeper friendship. I call this soul sculpting because you meet a broken person who doesn’t know Christ or has been without human companionship so long, they have forgotten that God loves them. To come back each time and see that person bloom or at least endure their isolation with hope is a powerful example of what Christ wishes all of us to do. He calls us to go out into the highways and byways and be fishers of men.

Being a fisher of men requires endurance, patience and empathy. It is a calling of love, to get out of your comfort zones and influence a life for Christ. I want to see more of Christ. This is the deeper revelation and wisdom the epistle of Ephesians means,: delving into the depths of His heart and to be eager to go out and share that intimate love with the lost…
Okay… I’m going to get off the computer.

Torture of the Innocents


Journal Entry, May 21, 2014

While driving home yesterday from my delivery routes, I caught two radio hosts from Jersey 101.5, talking about a cat that was tortured by a group of young children between the ages of seven and nine. As I listened to the details of the gruesome act upon the cat, my eyes welled with tears  It was hard to ponder the animals’ suffering. I felt grieved for the rest of my day. and was relieved to finally  drift off to sleep.

I felt a little ashamed to feel such grief for a cat I didn’t even know.
Upon awakening the next morning, the same nagging grief assailed me. I Googled information about the little cat and sadly found out that he died died a week later, even after much treatment and nurturing. I felt angry and wanted to understand the mind-set of young children driven to pummel a cat again and again with no mercy.  Then my thoughts turned to babies who were torn apart alive by a suction vacuum or some who were brutally burned by a chemical right in a mother’s  womb. I felt heavy grief again. Such heartless cruelty. What has happened to men’s hearts were there is no mercy? As much as I hadn’t intended to start my day with such sordid thoughts, I was grateful that I still could cry. I cried and cried for wisdom and asked Father God, “What can I do to make a difference?”?

During the course of the day, other atrocities then came to my mind, during the course of the day, the recent being Pat Robertson, (700 Club), reporting on the kidnapping of young girls in Nigeria by the Boko Haram group. As many of us go on business as usual, more girls are being snatched from their schools or off the streets to be sold for very little to sexually service anyone who would pay the price. The sex trafficking business continues to thrive, not only in Nigeria, Africa, but  around the world, including the United States. Terrorist violence escalates as Sharia Law threatens to dominate and to overthrow our democracy! This is serious business, folks. Time to wake up and smell the coffee.  Events  are resembling the death cloud of the Nazi Regime during WWII.

I’m deeply burdened and I know God is impressing on me to pray and write about it. I asked him how I should pray about violence and murder. I think about ancient history depicting the best and worse of mankind. Even as far back as in ancient Biblical times woman and children were accounted as property. It looks like the misuse of power started because of poor male leadership, as we see in the case of Adam partaking of eating the forbidden fruit with Eve, without even balking. From that sin, the human spirit is bent on curiosity and disobedience. Adams’ simple failure of obeying God and stopping Eve from eating the fruit of the tree of good and evil caused the downfall for us all.  The eating of that fruit was more than eventual death, hardship in providing sustenance for the family and a painful childbirth. Adams’ lack of good spiritual leadership opened the Pandora’s box to the legitimization of abuses against women and children. Satan somehow instilled in men that is it okay to demean, abuse and withhold education because women and children were inferior.

The father’s influence in the home has far-reaching consequences and an even deeper purpose than most Judeo-Christian leaders imagine. Why were women excluded from receiving an education? Why were sons desired more than a daughter? And why were virgin daughters thought to have small value unless they had a considerable dowry for a future husband and his family? Many women,  mostly living in third world and middle eastern nations still suffer and endure unjust  practices, traditions and customs.

Father God has been so gracious in allowing callous, lustful  men to desire and obtain any beautiful girl or woman for his harem, but this was not God’s original plan. He never wanted us to be excluded from having the same respect and opportunities as men. Tragically, ancient society has imposed their tradition which has pervaded throughout the millennia and has tarnished God’s universal plan for unity, harmony and progress between men and women . Also sad, is that few men are willing to take a deeper look at the prevailing global and human rights ills, (such as female circumcision, sex-slavery and the killing of female babies in China) that are destroying the fiber of our modern society.

Most men are anesthetized by their sports teams, heroes and drinking orgies with their cronies rather than standing up to the plate of God’s leadership and  administration. Even many spirit-filled Evangelical leaders seem to lack the empathy to discern between legalistic chauvinism, (stifling creative, spirit-led women of God with strong callings) and true Christ leadership.

I love how Yashuah Jesus admired and praised his female disciples for their devotion and dedicated to Him. Jesus loved woman and always responded to them with sensitivity and compassion! When the disciples scoffed at Mary for  pouring her costly ointment on her precious master, he scolded them and declared that her devotional act towards him would be a memorial for all to remember! Jesus loved His women and women adored Him and spared nothing to express their devotion.

I often ponder what was the deciding factor of the churches early leaders to exclude or diminish Jesus’ female disciples written accounts.. There were many manuscripts that were not included in the Bible, so we will not have a chance to see what Mary Magdalene had to share with the world! Here is another example of the female influence being stifled. Thank God for modern, compassionate, courageous and passionate women, (the most famous being Mother Teresa).

The vision of women  rising up in relevancy began in America in the late nineteenth century. Women united and stood up and to remind men that they should be able to vote and hold electoral office. These women paved the way for their daughters and future generations to be allowed to contribute relevant and beneficial contributions to society. On the down side, The women’s liberation movement was exploited, making some women very aggressive, disrespectful and rebellious to men and especially their own husbands. We see today that rebellion never brings about good and the enemy has caused this bad consequence to cause division and envy.

I’ve always believed that we woman were made to give life, nurture and embellish the lives of our husbands and children. God gave us the gift of beauty, gentleness and nurturance to bring joy and life to our marriages, families and communities.  Thankfully, there are some man who respect, admire and treasure their wives and daughters contributions!

There are still men who resent the women’s suffrage movement and believe they should stay barefoot and pregnant. It was time, after too many  thousands of years of repression and abuse , that brave women recognized that it was time to  call for changes had to be made.  They wrote and  spoke about having equal standing with men.  Though women’s suffrage  brought about change and respect for us,  not all good came out of it. Divorce sky-rocketed and cases of child neglect-abuse increased.

Strong, loving male, Christ-leadership was lacking in most homes. There is still so much to understand about being a spiritual leader and  some good-intentioned men  still confuse headship with lording over their homes. Poor  fatherly leadership is the root cause of broken families and delinquent children who have no respect for authority. Here is were the atmosphere of animal cruelty and bullying can develop. The father must teach his children how to be obedient and kind.

Father’s and husband’s who are loving, patient and firm can transform communities and nation’s.   They are not intimidated by a wife who has leadership,  entrepreneurship and wisdom traits.  Not all men are happy to see women rise up and contribute positive things to their community and society. We see an ongoing and fierce debate amongst many male church leaders who are angry jealous that God is using and enduing Christian women with wisdom, leadership and teaching skills.

Female missionary and evangelists biographies abound, describing their personal histories of how God’s first choice was not a woman! Often God called upon a certain man, but because he refused to obey God’s call a woman stepped in and said,  “Here am I, Lord, use me.”

So continues the jockeying for position between men and women, both in the home, church and business world. Quality education and employment has given girls and women experience, wisdom, communication and independence to make wonderful choices. Being employed and equipped with marketable skills paves the way for females to make a decent income and to live and grow in a safe place safe place where she’s no longer tethered and vulnerable to a domineering, insecure or abusive mate.

An ex-boyfriend once confided to me that men dominate, demean or abuse their partners because they are jealous and/or insecure about their own worth and abilities. That’s coming from the horse’s mouth and I truly respect his honesty. Male chauvinism is a deep-rooted stronghold where a man feels he is superior to women.
Male chauvinism and cruelty goes as far back to the beginnings of the Bible. There are unspeakably horrific examples of misguided fathers described in the book of Judges 19, the account of the elderly Levite and his concubine. Levite were consecrated by God to be the priestly tribe of the Jewish people, the tribe who responsible for teaching the people God’s law. .In the days of the judges, there were no Godly kings. Every man acted according to whatever desire he had which were mostly evil and selfish. It was a terrible time for Israel, a time were great depravity debauchery and murder.

In the account of the main character, and elderly old Levite, a he invited a visitor to stay with him so he wouldn’t be harassed by the evil men of his town.  Somehow, the men group found out that the old man had male visitors and surrounded the house.  The homosexual men banged on the  old man’s door and demanded that he surrender the mans visitors so they could have sex with them. The Levite replied, “Do not do such a disgraceful thing. Here is my concubine and my virgin daughter. I will bring them out to you and you can do them whatever you wish, but to these men, don’t do such a disgraceful thing.”

The men refused to listen to his reason and the old Levite sent his concubine outside, where she was raped by the men all night. In the morning, she lay dead at the door. He cut up and dismembered her body and sent them to the twelve tribes of Israel!

A similar scenario happened in Abraham’s time, In Genesis 19:6. Lot was one of the righteous few, (along with his wife and daughters) who would not suffer the fate of destruction by God’s angels upon Sodom. The Lord’s angels called upon Lot and Lot invited them to stay out of the streets that were infested with sexually deviant homosexual men. He invited him to eat and stay with him. The young and old homosexual men knew that the men were in Lot’s house and banged on his door, demanded Lot to bring the men out so they could have sex with them.

What did Lot say?

“No my friends , don’t do this wicked thing.. Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you and you can do with them what you like.. But don’t do anything with these two men.”
I find this deplorable that a father thought his daughters of so little worth to be abused and raped. Here is an example of male chauvinism at it’s most extreme!

Most of us are familiar with the woman caught in adultery in the Gospel of John, chapter 8: 1-11.  As a deep thinker, I’ve always pondered the injustice and hypocrisy of these judgmental Pharisees who demanded that the just punishment for the female was stoning. Not one person  asked, “Where is the man”?

I don’t know if this prejudice came from the pagan cultures the Israelites were exposed to and imitated. We can deduce that male chauvinism, domination, kidnapping and torture has influenced the tradition and ways of many third-world nations in  the form of extremist and terrorist groups like the Boko Haram in Nigeria,the Brotherhood and many other hate-filled genocidal organizations.

This demonic mental stronghold is a fast-spreading cancer causing great misery and/or  taking the lives of many girls and women around the globe. Men of these cultures embrace the violence and there seems nothing can stop them.  Leaders, governments and even the United Nations some unconcerned about uniting together to combat the serious female  human rights issues.

On a smaller scale, the animal torture incidents seem also to increase and they are also a precursor of a deeper and more deadly issue,  the  pleasure of inflicting pain. As mentioned earlier in this article,  children who delight in torturing small animals are likely to become serial killers as adults. Notorious serial killers Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer and others like him had absent fathers or no fathers at all. They had great problem in connecting with people in their lives.

The church needs to address the raising of our young boys and adolescent men. The root of the abortion issue is not the killing of unwanted babies, but the male belief that a girl or woman acquiesces to whatever sexual wants or desires the boy wants.! Many girls and young women, (and even mature women) believe that can’t say no, so they weaken under sexual or peer pressure. Somewhere down the line, they were conditioned by society to be obedient not question the male. We can see this trait manifested when we see our adolescent and teen girls imitating seductive and flaunting music icons on TV and YouTube. Girls believe they are attractive and powerful when they allure boys with their budding femininity. This is a serious problem plaguing our youth today. Parents seem not to be equipped to address their young daughters maturity or their young son urgent sexual stirring.

Two parents, a father and mother are needed to raise strong, sensitive and discreet children. Though I had an overly strict father and a mother who was less than supportive to my sisters and I, my father instilled in me, the valuable traits of self-esteem and worth given by God. All men and women are created equal by God. We teach our young people to respect life, all life, whether the creatures and especially each other!

Fathers must take the responsibility to train and nurture their sons to respect girls and women and that they are not inferior. Many fathers impose strict rules of chastity for their daughters but allow their adolescent sons to sow their oats! How irresponsible and deadly!.

America, as well as all the nations, need to address abuse issues of girls, women, the unborn and every one who is targeted to be a victim. God is watching and we cannot expect to be blessed if we continue to ignore the dries of the innocents.We must put a strategic defense for the sex-trafficking ring leaders, leaders of terrorist groups, child molesters, kidnappers and abortionists. The stronghold of unrestrained violence, torture and murder can only be curtailed by 24/7 prayer and fasting.

Sex-trafficking is a mostly male mismanagement-sin issue. Christian and human-rights organizations are working hard to address unspeakable abuses of the victims and to rescue the thousands caught in the grip. I know that salvation and rehabilitation of the leaders of these demonic groups is the solution, but Godly men and women must stand in the gap, fasting and praying for deliverance and healing. If we are to see any decrease in the ever-expanding scope of violence, sex-trafficking and abortion, empathetic, wise and empathetic male and female leaders must exploit their God-given power of prayer and one on one discipline!
Great leaders with counseling gifts are what’s needed to rehabilitate the depraved Convicts and the perpetrators can be rehabilitated with love, understanding and the powerful word of God. They will know that every person and creature has great worth in God’s eyes. It may be difficult to infiltrate a particular sex-trafficking ring, but with God’s wisdom and might, all things are possible. Churches should set up 24 hour prayer and fasting vigils and appoint prayer intercessors to pray around the clock ,for the leaders of Boko Haram, terrorist groups and any organization responsible for violence, rape and murder. We have the power, we just need to be focused and organized! With Holy Spirit within us, it is a winnable war!

The love of God and the persistent prayers of a compassionate people avails much. We can win this war against genocide and trafficking and There are never simple solutions to any world-wide crisis, but we serve a mighty God who has promised us great wisdom and success in any endeavor. He said that if we repent and turn from our ways, He will heal our land.


Sloppy Agape or a Penchant for Priestliness

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Okay…this title has been nagging me to be published all week!  TV lady pastor, Joyce Meyer joked about it, but to God, living any old sloppy way is not expedient. I thought about sloppy agape and knew this would be a very important message for God’s people.

First off, we all need to get a good revelation of who we are in Christ. If we are Gentile, we are adopted into the spiritual family of Christ through adoption.  Bless the Lord, oh my soul and forget not His benefits. Forget not that our sins were forgiven, we were redeemed from family or generational curses and our broken bodies were healed by His stripes! It’s all finished and the debt has been paid in full;. That being said, we have much to rejoice and be thankful for.

We are kings and priests and we have direct access to the Holy of Holies, Father God’s very presence. Wow! Think about that for a second. Priesthood was a very serious business in the old testament.  One tribe of Israel was granted the privilege of ministering to the Lord, The Levites. The high priest’s role was quite serious, so much so that his holiness and life had to be pleasing before God. If not, he would be struck dead and would have to be pulled out of the holy place by a rope tied to his ankle. That;s how it was in the old testament.

Though we Gentile Christians are not  bound by old testament, we are even more so required to walk as a new creation. What does  that mean? Old things are passed away, all things are new as a child of  God. 2 Cor 5:17.  C

Christian get a back rap by non believers. Many say that we talk the talk but don’t do the walk. Some say we are judgmental and some say we are hypocrites. We say one thing but do another. We are on the precipice of some very cataclysmic earthly, spiritual, political and environmental changes. Everything that can be shaken will be turned upside down.

It is time for all of us to awake and walk according to Father’s  will and pattern.  God is seeking children whose hearts are after Him, whose hearts are pure and who sincerely desire His presence.

If you’ve ever noticed how the cardinals  or Rabbinical priest walk, you’ll see that they are stately and serious.  Their robes are perfect and they are focused as they set about their business.  We are even more so, called and sanctified. God’s word says:

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  That is amazing!

We  are not to accept Christ as a ticket to get into heaven for free, but as a deliberate and brand new way to live. This is not the time to live sloppy agape, where anything goes and grace is cheap.  Christ’s grace was priceless and bought as a sacrifice, His very own life! Shouldn’t we revere that calling and give our precious Savior our due honor He deserves!

I encourage you, dear brother or sister to sit at Father’s feet. Be still and listen to want he wants to say to you. Jesus gave us an example of how to pray.  Mat 6:9

Pastor Derrick Prince  gave a beautiful lesson on how to pray so that father would answer our prayers.

The Bible also tells us to lift up holy hands without wrath or doubting.  1 Tim 2:8. We can’t expect father to honor our prayers when we have  resentment or bitterness against a person, we are fornicating with our boyfriend or girlfriend, having adultery with another’s spouse or doing anything that is contrary to God’s word. Being careless with sinning is living a sloppy agape life.

Coming to Christ means you are committing yourself not only to a life of joyful service and but one where your desire is to please  Your Heavenly Father in every way. I anticipate standing before Jesus and Him saying to me, “Well done, my faithful daughter. You have been faithful and here is your reward”

Not everyone will get a mansion or a palace.  Someone who has lived a sloppy agape life on earth will not get the same reward as faithful missionaries or widows who have served and washed the saints feet all their lives. The Bible says there are rewards . Every child of God has gifts which will contribute to the foundation, Christs holy house. 1 Cor 3:12-13.

Let us carefully build upon that house so that we are not ashamed when we stand before our Lord.   May we ask Holy Spirit to help us in our often  spiritual inventory.

Father, we may honor You in every way. Before we even arise upon our beds to start the day may we pray,

Psalm 19:14

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

The last and best thing about being a child of the king is the reward we get at the end of our lives! We may get overwhelmed and distressed about the ever-deepening darkness, but the bottom, line is that …we win! Remind yourself often by re-reading the best chapter in the Bible, Revelation 21 and  where our hero, the Lamb annihilates the enemies of His people The anti christ and false prophet are kicked into the flaming abyss where they will suffer forever for their dastardly deeds.  We await the marriage supper of the Lamb and get to enjoy eternity in Heaven. Dig the awesome description of what the Holy city of New Jerusalem is like!  I can’t see any reason, anyone wouldn’t want to be part of such an unspeakable wonderful destiny as this.

I pray, my brother or sister that you would have a penchant for your Holy priesthood and for those things that are holy, pure and sanctified and may Holy Spirit guide you in all your intentions and doings, amen!

KOINONIA, The Glory of Unity

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The Koinonia, the gathering of the true saints of God, as depicted in the book of Acts, was one of the most glorious periods in the history of the early church.  Meeting together was not obligatory, but filled with the anticipation of intimate fellowship. No wonder saint Paul urged God’s people to not forsake the gathering together of believers. There is something very powerful about sitting face to face and eye to eye with our Christian brothers and sisters.  Our Heavenly father delights in the richness of our spiritual communion and Jesus said that where two or three joined together agreeing on anything in prayer, Father would be delighted to give it.

We often hear about lone rangers who prefer to live solitary lives perhaps because of having been hurt or betrayed in a past relationship. I tell them to expect that when crisis calls, you will need the help of others.

Fellow shipping with the saints, (Koinonia from the Greek), is the environment where we can sharpen our love walks.  In the midst of many personalities will be found opportunities to hone ourselves in the fruits of the spirit. As iron sharpens iron, so sharpen we each other. In the presence of many personalities we will find reasons for the number one fruit of the spirit to be in action.

There are not enough pastors who expound the necessity and richness of  abiding in true Christian Koinonia. to their flock.  Rewards abound regarding the growth process and seeing each others lives unfolds as the petals of a flower! Growing together and nurturing each other makes for powerful marriages, families and communities. There will always be hurt, rejection or misunderstandings when relating to others, but if we continue to be open and take risks emotionally, God will connect us with people who love and accept us unconditionally. All of us should aspire to  fine tune our love walks. If  the fruits of the spirit are not evident in our lives, something is wrong.

My unconventional outlook on life as artist-musician-journalist bursting with  spontaneity and vision had caused misunderstanding and miscommunication with a few friends who misunderstood my motive and heart. These broken relationship hurt deeply but Father God has been gracious in helping me develop a forgiving spirit. I learned the importance of  addressing my grief and disappointment and then moving on.No matter what good intentions we have,  we will always  have to deal with rejection or misunderstanding. We have to learn from our mistakes and move on. God has blessed me with a small circle of people who love me unconditionally, even if they do not understand where I’m coming from. Treat all relationships with tenderness and respect. We can learn from everyone, no matter what their background or age, and even little children can teach us amazing, deep things!

God always wants us to walk in forgiveness and understanding. Somewhere down the line, regardless of our best intentions, we too will hurt or disappoint our friends and loved ones.

The law of love is one the most important aspects of living in Christ and yet love sometimes can be the least important thing on our agenda. We live in such a fast-paced world that we depend on  the convenience of  technology to fill the gap of emptiness. It has instead numbed our need for human fellowship. We lose the ability to be sensitive, thoughtful and heaven-minded! Love must always reign in our hearts and motives and everyone, from the newbie babe in Christ to the oldest, mature bishop needs that one on one Koinonia.

One asked Jesus, “When did we feed you, give you water, clothe you or visit you in prison?” mat 25:37&38 Jesus answered that if we did it to the least, we have done it unto Him.  Thus, we are required to fill a need when we are suddenly presented with it.

God loves when we serve and give alms. Mat 19:@. The church is in a weak place today because of a lack of unity and a sincere desire to be in fellowship with each other.  Only by intimate connection with each other can we learn to cherish and nourish each other, not only with the material but also with the spiritual bread. Paul tells us in Eph.5:1 to live our lives as a fragrant offering.

When you are with another brother or sister, are they blessed and nourished by your presence or do you repel them?  Do we try to live peaceably with others or are we always debating or scrutinizing the small stuff, (grey areas of living our lives) ? Rom. 14:13 ? God has called us be humble and not to think of ourselves higher than others or to despise others who are weak or young in their faith. The fruit of love is patient kind, long-suffering

We can find all we need to know about love in 1 Corin.14. It doesn’t matter how many languages we are fluent in, how amazingly we prophesy or sing like an angel, if we love not we are nothing.
When Koinonia is operating, there is a spilling over, an overflow of love. Koinonia first begins when we humbly sit at the feet of our Abba Father. Sometimes, sitting at Father’s feet, first thing after I wake up,  my spirit soars acknowledging how much He loves me! I count my blessings and sing praises to Him.  You can’t help but be full of love and that loves flows out of yo as you rub elbows with those around you.

The killers of Koinonia are spirits of religion, gossip, envy, strife, bitterness and debate. We must carefully guard our hearts and our relationships so that God’s love can flourish. Blessed are the peacemakers for they are the children of God! Let us be wary of any spirit that divides and causes suspicion, so Father can bless our endeavors and soul-winning! Beware of suspicion, criticism or harshness. A thoughtful pause before a soft answers heals a multitude of otherwise  negative consequences. Correct  with a spirit of meekness. when we are rebuke, we should mete grace to ourselves. How often we take a correction or rebuke very harshly and condemn ourselves.

Koinonia also rejoices in all the supernatural gifts of the Spirit and is not fearful or offended by those who speak in other tongues or express themselves in the prophetic. Paul himself said, “I would like for every one of you to speak in tongues” 1 Cor 14:5

In these violent, self-centered and arrogant times, we more than ever need the power of the supernatural Holy Ghost. Only that dynamite power can  change and overcome the all-compassing evil of our enemy. It’s to the church’s and the world advantage that every child of God be so divinely equipped!

Kononia is truly one of the most glorious gift Father God endowed us with. When the Bride is walking in true love, they are walking in true unity and power. When laughter, joy, thankfulness and compassion flow, there is healing and victory!
Ask Father to connect you with vibrant believers today!

In the Waiting Room

Standing in Faith for Divine Restoration

I’m in the waiting room. It is the same room where Job wrestled with himself and God. This waiting room is a spiritual area where an afflicted and suffering child of God straddles , (and struggles with) the blurred line of complete faith and trepidatious pain.

In the waiting room, I’m reading the book of cures for all conditions, despite the fact that I dread the fact that I may wake up to yet another day where this stabbing in my Jaw joint will relentless pummel me to the point of sobbing out loud for relief. I may not be scraping erupting boils off my skins with a sharp piece of pottery, but I am fighting thoughts of being in never-never land with my heavenly father, where there will be no more tears or suffering. What keeps me going is the truth that my Redeemer lives.

God has sent me off downhill on the front seat of a racing rail car in to uncharted territory. For those of us dealing with acute chronic pain without medication, I’ve spent years wracking my brain trying to pinpoint the source of my distress. I’ve also exhausted every option of treatment, to no avail and have also been through countless doctors who’ve treated me with every healing modality available.

I stand here, scratching my head, wondering what to do with myself. I follow Jesus with a devoted heart and know of a certainly that Father God is not the giver of this tormenting disease, but my enemy satan who has sent out one or several of his minions to torment me.

I’m pretty much exhausted and disgusted by all the years of driving to doctors and trying this and that with no relief. I wonder every day how other children of God deal with their excruciating pain. I’ve amassed a library of books on deliverance and getting myself free.

I’ve experienced and learned quite a bit since my other Dystonia blogs from several years ago. I hope this latest one will give a little more insight and a little more hope to the hopeless!

Prayer avails much and the more yo know about the specifics of your condition, the more confidently you can pray in full assurance that Yashuah, or healer shall heal or sickness! Always put prayer at the top of your list, asking Father for supernatural wisdom and whether you’ll need to be treated by a good doctor.

First off, here are a few links that yo may want to check into. My issue has been violent twitching of the neck, mouth, tongue and throat areas, particularity the Platysma muscles and Temporo Mandibular Jaw joint, TMJ. I have done all kinds of research to find a way to sooth the pain in that area.

Dystonia of the lower face cold be cased by Trigeminal Neuyraligia

You may also want to pray and ask Father if your resistant Lyme or Dystonia could be linked to a spiritual root. My husband and I just finished a week-long stint of powerful teachings on the spiritual roots of Disease. Although I am very acquainted with the scriptures, I was very surprised to learn about how satan can afflict God’s people with disease and sickness through open doorways of sin or generational curses. Many pastors and denominations insist that once we accept Christ as our Savior it’s a done deal. But there are too many Christians who love Christ and are trying to live godly lives who are suffering greatly from the effects of things that happened during their childhood, in early adolescence and even in the womb! I would leave no stone unturned when it comes to walking in total healing and deliverance.

Doctor Henry Wright, founder of BE IN Health teaching ministries and author of his book, says much about sin being a cause of our stubborn and chronic sickness.

Here are some excellent ministries who specialize in deliverance if you find your symptoms are not improving.

Robert Heldler

Set Yourself Free! A Deliverance Manual

Set Yourself Free! A Deliverance Manual

Buy from Amazon

Pastor Derek Prince

Pastor Suddoth
Righteous Acts Ministries

I also highly recommend detoxifying your body as best as you can. Since Lyme is also connected with mercury start today on a dedicated detoxifying regimen. You’ll still have to deal with pain or discomfort but the less toxins, bacteria and fungi you have the more energetic you’ll be.

Doctor sherry Rogers, book “DETOXIFY or DIE”

Above all, Dr Jesus is your chief physician, so pray, declare those scriptures and rejoice, even if you’re sobbing in agony! My life has been so complicated, as many of you also have. May we love each other and fervently pray for each other as Jesus commands us and share the secrets of healing and restoration with each other. The world truly knows we are Christian when we love and cherish each other.

Are You In?

A prophetess sister in Christ called me the other day.
“Sister Anita” she moaned, “I haven’t been able to sleep in weeks and I’ve been weeping sore for the church. God has called me to pray for the church, because His ears are weary of our repenting.”

I was shocked to hear this and my heart sank.

After she shared the rest of what God impressed on her heart regarding the impending judgement on America, I asked her to agree withe me in prayer that God’s people would get a swift revelation to “get their houses in order” before that catastrophic tsunami judgement came. Vanessa and I prayed and wept strongly for our brethren, (and especially the pastors) who were in error and apathy to wake up. The spirit quickened her and we knew our prayers were heard.. We weren’t certain that God would give us yet more time to touch souls and to help our back-slidden brethren get it right, but we knew that Father acknowledged our heart-felt prayer.

I was still in shock about God’s opinion of His people, when I got off the phone with sister Vanessa, I was hearing wonderful reports daily from my many prayer groups on Facebook and couldn’t believe that God was not pleased at all with us. Vanessa and my conversation happened this past Sunday.

Last nigh as I lay half asleep, I remembered the materials used in the construction of God’s Holy house. The materials were gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay and straw. 1 Cor. 3:12. As I meditated on this description of these materials, I prayed the materials I used in my building the past 31 years would endure the intense heat of Father’s refining fire. We are God’s building and it should be our daily desire to contribute only those materials which would stand the test of His refining. Scripture tells us that each man will be rewarded for what He has contributed during His journey as God’s child. 1 Cor 3:8

Pastor Ray Thoman, Hia Ministry and a faithful servant of God consistently preaches against the disobedient who build their own kingdoms and ministries apart from God. So it’s hard to reconcile the great miraculous works and miracles my Facebook sisters testify about with Pastor Ray’s “disobedient rebel” messages, thus bringing forth God’s great wrath

Puerto-Rican prophet-pastor, Pastor Ephrain Rodrigues recently gave a chilling and urgent message on his YouTube channel. He said that every ministry in Puerto Rico would be razed! Puerto Rico was the epicenter of judgement which would spread to all the Caribbean islands , (because of their idolatry, witchcraft and voodoo) and then to the United States. I couldn’t believe my ears and immediately started crying and praying for a Holy wake-up call before it’s too late. The punishment would be a huge rock thrown into the sea, causing a massive Tsunami worse than the one that flooded japan!

I have to grieve and wonder why the church is so weak tainted and ripe for almost complete destruction. It boggles my mind that His wrath will come down like an anvil and beyond our comprehension. I asked Father to show me why His people are walking is disobedience and hypocrisy.

FI remember me as an adolescent, living with my parents and sisters. Discord was brewing between my parents and it influencing my two middle sisters. They were always fighting and my impatient, angry mother would explode in a banshee type rampage. She lunged into their rooms like an angry bull and destroyed everything in her sight! Beds were overturned, clothes and toys, were torn apart and she ended her temper tantrum by spilled the pail of dirty water all over everything! Meanwhile, my sisters had locked themselves in another room, cursing her behind the locked doors and threatening her with a phone call to DYFS, (Youth and Family Services)
The more they ranted and raved, the meaner my mother got. She even managed to rile up my father and convince him to sign papers for their foster care placement. It was a terrible situation. My sisters could only react the only way they knew how, with resentment, retaliation and rebelliousness . There could be no compromise or resolution in such a situation and there are perhaps many unsolved issues with God’s own people and their unfit pastors.

That being said, though I’ve touched upon Pastor responsibility in one of my earlier blogs. I stress the need for pastors to try to undo the damage they have done to their flock. I don’t even know if Father will give us extra time and if He does, it will have to be by His miraculous restoring workmanship and revelation to the pastors and shepherds..

I now turn my focus to you, my carnal or back-slidden brother or sister. The hands of the clock are at 11:59,. Are abiding in the vine? John 15:4 I ask you, do you love God and Jesus? Jesus told you, If you love me you will keep my commandments. John 14:15

I’m just as weak and prone to sin as the next person, for the Bible says all my righteousness is as filthy rags. Isaiah 64:6 My relationship with my precious Heavenly, Father and Jesus is such that I can’t bare the thought of disobeying Him our of purposely rebelling or doing evil! Basking in His love each day and meditating on His goodness to me, draws me even nearer and He affirms His love back to me. Throughout the day, I thank Him out loud for every blessing, the hot cup of coffee I’m drinking, the hot running water that flows so freely our of my faucet each day, my warm bed and the heat that comes of the vents. How blessed I am to live in such a comfortable and blessed nation as America!

Before God’s church can walk in Holiness and obedience, they must first have a passionate and loving encounter with their Creator and Jesus Christ, their redeemer. Once one is rightly related to Him, they can have no other desire but to please him. Many salivation prayers to Christ are made in ignorance, glibness or pressure from fear of eternal damnation. Many new believer, (many of which have suffered emotional, physical and spiritual traumas) aren’t established in God’s love and properly nurtured by the others member of the body. Many have been hurt by the sexual abuse of a priest or a legalistic, domineering pastor. Many pastors have no idea the essentialness of providing a nurturing atmosphere for their people.

After my first church broke up, I went through a period of floundering about in isolation, and spiritual insecurity regarding my worth because I wasn’t taught about God’s unconditional and restorative love, nor his provision. God’s people must be taught the basics as babes in Christ or they will grow up like a gnarled, unruly and dry branch of a thorn bush..My saving grace was a prayer our young assistant pastor, brother Leonard prophesied over me several months into my new relationship with Jesus. He said,

“You shall be like a tree planted by the water, spreading out your roots and you will not fear when the heat comes,” That was in 1982 and I have never forgotten that promise. When I have faced the most daunted mountain, I held on to that precious promise. I thank God everyday for the tenderness that Brother Leonard showed me whenever had fears or doubts. I believe that if God had not placed him in my life in that early stage of my relationship with Jesus, I may not be writing this to you today!

Every new-born child of God needs the stability of a loving, but firm pastor or mentor. That is the reason pastors, teachers and leaders will be the most accountable when God’s judgement (at the Bema seat) comes. He will ask us if we fed his sheep, as Jesus asked Peter after his crucifixion. Pastors cannot be led by their own zeal, head knowledge of the word or their formerly worldly habit of hasty surface judgement of men’s hearts and motives! Too much of this shallow religiosity, (such as was applied during the impending stoning of the adulterous woman and if which also the adulterous man was not even called out) There is much hypocrisy in the Christendom’s administration of justice for women, children, foreigners and the poor.

Jesus urged us to count the cost before we attempted to build our house. Part of building that house is righteous judgement and the proper applying of justice for those deprived of it!

As I grew in grace and my relationship with my Heavenly father, He revealed to me the great and precious promises that I had the moment I trusted my life to Him. Over the years, the more I studied His word, the understanding was revealed to me. I took even more seriously the vow I made to Him way back in 1982! The more I sought Him with all my heart the more relevant His word and plan became to me. When I read in the book of Revelation that He will vomit out of His mouth the lukewarm, I trembled in fear. I dread the thought of any possibility that I was living a lie, thinking myself to be righteous, if possibly I was living contrary to what He called me
How can one truly know they are walking in obedience and abiding in the vine? I urge you, Beloved today, to take a serious inventory of your life, thought patterns and activities. We are not talking legalism here, but freedom in Christ for He beckons, “Take my yoke upon you, for my burden is light”

We also know that in these last days, the very elect can be deceived and deceived many are because of false prophets all over the internet and leading many of God’s children astray.
How can we truly know that we are His?

1. Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart.
David was a man after God’s own heart despite the fact he made some serious mistakes and committed some serious sin. David chased after God with all His mind, soul and spirit.
Beloved are you chasing God with all your might?

2. Is there any sin (unconscious or generational strongholds from your ancestors) or mindsets that are contrary to God’s word. In other words, if you struggle with debt and poverty, do you continue say, “ I can’t get out of debt or I’ll always be poor” You are speaking contrary to what God promises in His word. God’s truth says, “My God shall supply all your need in accordance with His riches and glory!”

If you are always sick or depressed, find out why. Do you continually say, “I’m getting a cold or flu or call an infirmity as yours, eg my arthritis or my Lupus. Arthritis and Lupus are not from God, they are from satan, so you need to confess that “By Jesus stripes I am healed! Scriptural confession is victory!

Certain sins are obvious, but some preachers do not preach against sin. Whatever the Bible calls sin…is sin. Young person, are you fornicating? Spouse are you having an adulterous affair? Are you committing sodomy, child molestation, perversion? Are you committing deviant behavior and practicing alternative sexual lifestyles? Are you robbing God of His rightful tithes and offerings? Do you gossip or speak negatively about people, (including speaking ill about our pastors behind their backs, other leaders or those in authority or those who have high callings)? We must be very careful of the words that come out of our lips. Are you a glutton? And the big one, do you harbor unforgeveness to anyone who has hurt you? Bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness are three of the biggest stronghold keeping us from fellowship with our heavenly Father. Many illnesses and mental conditions stem from unforgiveness.

Ask God everyday when you first wake up and when you are ready to retire that He would reveal anything you said or did that was displeasing to Him, repent, thank Him and move on! If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John !:9.

At the beginning of each day, I declare, May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, oh Lord my strength and my redeemer. My desire each day is to be a fragrance to My heavenly Father, to please him in my words and my deeds. When you seek God and desire to please Him, you have no interest to sin or to embrace
any negative strongholds.

3 Beloved, are you disinterested in the things of God and have you stopped spending intimate time with Him? If you said yes, you are lukewarm and I urge you to get back into fellowship with Abba father. He delights with great expectation to receive back His prodigal son or daughter! Why don’t you come back home, dear one? It matters not far you have traveled from His bosom or the multitude of sins you’ve done. All that matters is now! You may not have tomorrow or even the rest of this day. Now is the time of salvation (the real communion with Him) and repentance. Now is your time to be restored!

I remind you pastors who are reading this, who say, “I’ve already preached that judgement is already on its way against the disobedient, but I tell you that we are His sheep…and sheep are stupid! Some immediately understand and obey. Others need to be reminded time and time again. That’s just the way it is.

I pray this blog will stimulate how important God’s lost sheep are to Him. Some of us need great detail, guidance and need to be taken by the hand. That’s why Jesus did nots break a bruised reed, nor quenched the smoking flax. Mat 12:20. He harshly rebuked the judgmental religious-minded Pharisees and Sadducees, but gently restored the wayward broken.

I don’t know how much time we have to fix what is seriously broken. Father has shown me the reason for such error, tragic misalignment of His gracious truth and the ineptness of hasty, but called men and women of God who have not spent the needed time sitting at the feet of Yeshuah, the Savior of the world and the restorer of the breach!.

I implore you pastor, teacher or shepherd to re-evaluate your style of shepherding and make it right to the sheep who you’ve unintentionally or intentionally. If you can’t make it right, repent and ask Father’s forgiveness and trust him to restore the one you may have responded to inappropriately or harshly

I implore you prodigal brother or sister, come back to the fold. We Love you and Father is waiting eagerly to hold you in his bosom. If you don not respond, then Father will have no other choice than to accept your choice of rejecting His precious Son, Jesus sacrifice Ignoring Him as excommunication from His loving Fathership. Time is very short. Father is about ready to take home His own. Many have desired to be holy as He is holy. He is a loving, forging Father, but He is also Holy and we must not only adore Him as a little child, but revere Him. This may be one of the most important blog you will ever read, for it resounds as a clear trumpet warning of the impending gathering that will only include those who truly are His. Are you His? Is He your everything? If not please consider all I’ve shared with you. Heaven will be a place beyond our comprehension and He has already prepared a wonderful place for us to dwell when all the earthly chaos is over with. Come to Him today. Renew Your relationship with Father and this time, mean it and walk in it!

Are you in?

A Good Spanking

Discipline Through God’s Eyes
Dispelling the myth of chastisement as rejection or hate

My memories of my dad’s (Papito’s) spankings were traumatic and never punctuated by, “I’m doing this for your own good” or “When you’re older, you’ll appreciate this.” We were belted good and red and that was it.

My Heavenly Father does not discipline like this. He is perfect and whenever he disciplines or chasten us it is for our glorious grooming. Jesus told us, “As many as I love I rebuke and chasten. Be zealous therefor and repent.” Rev 3:19. We never enjoy being corrected, but it is essential for us to learn submission regarding Father’s training of us

I know many brethren who have shared their horror stories of their spiritual beatings in different churches. Most came from broken families or had fathers who harsh, critical and abusive. As adults seeking belonging and restoration through church fellowship, many found themselves in the same state as when they were children. Fellow brethren would misunderstand them or their pastors were unsympathetic, unsupportive of their gifts or emotionally detached. Many find themselves even more emotionally traumatized and alienated. There is no such thing as a perfect church, but many of us in our brokenness seek to get our needs met..

My childhood was anything but ideal. When I graduated from high school, I was very incomplete and broken in many areas. After I accepted Christ as my savior in a small church in Brick Town, NJ, I finally enjoyed wonderful fellowship and family. I was unconditionally accepted, invited and involved with two sisters who included me in their nursing home music ministry. This involvement healed a very damaged area of my life, that of belonging I remember my first year in my new church as nurturing and many of my gifts were used and appreciated. Some areas of rejection and shame were temporally healed. Though my first pastor was disconnected from me and my inner struggles, close friendship with the two sisters gave me dignity and worth.

My bubble of security blew up a year later with the break-up of my church because of our pastors scandalous affairs, The shock left me abandoned and alienated and I floundered for many months in depression. Most of my brothers and sisters were deep in shock, and the newest believers still not fully established in their walks, ended up losing their faith. My grief lasted about a year and I decided I needed to find a new church and move on from the trauma. I ended up in a wonderful Assemblies of God church and resumed my Christ journey. A few sisters from the Brick town church ended up there also and I was joyous to resume fellowship with the. Sadly, that church began to lose members and folded..

My health declined and I ended up losing my apartment and had to find an affordable studio. I was at my wit’s end, desperate for a place. I turned to the newspaper and ended up looking at the companion/live-in assistance section of the Asbury park press. I had two options, but choose to move in and take care of an elderly stroke-victim gentleman who lived in Brielle, NJ. The day of my move in, a neighbor who lived directly opposite my new abode, introduced themselves. They happened to be Christians and invited me to their church. Though I was challenged by the responsibilities of a live-in position, I became part of my new church family.

The pastor of my new church was a gifted musician who owned a recording studio. He led worship at his church and was kind and soft-spoken. I made many new friendship here and hoped to part of the music team. God opened doors for me to minister in music at other churches and coffee houses, but I wasn’t asked to sing with our own worship team. I was very disappointed that my talents in singing were not utilized, but God was faithful in using me at other churches.

In one period of a few months, I had many bookings at church coffeehouses and youth family concerts. My focus was always on Jesus, although I had a flair for fashion. I found that my fashion flair was to be greatly misunderstood and caused me big problems with pastors of the churches I ministered to. I designed most of my stage outfits or wore vintage wear for my performances. As a professional, I knew that entertainers needed to look the part and not blend in with the average looking patrons. .

I was booked to do a concert with a full band at a conservative Nazarene church in Paramus, NJ. I arrived with my musician friend for a meeting with the coordinator of the coffee-house concert series. He was friendly enough and seemed impressed by my ministry bio. He shook my hand and told me how excited he was to have me minister to his congregation the next month.

The concert went well and the next week, another pastor from the sister church also asked me to minister at their coffeehouse. I wore an outfit I though was attractive, but appropriate for their conservative audience. I wore black slim-fitting slacks, a short bolero jacket embellished with gold flowered appliques and a white ruffled gypsy blouse.

The day after my successful concert, my pastor called me. He wanted to have a meeting with me. I wondered what pastor wanted to see me for and thought that perhaps he wanted to compliment me. The day of the meeting arrived and I walked into Pastor’s study. As I took my set opposite his desk, I was noticed the seriousness in his expression. He was quiet for a few seconds and broke the silence.
“Anita, do you like when men look at you?”

The question hit me like a bomb and my face flushed. I was speechless and insulted, wanting to exit at once, but gave him the respect. I asked him why he asked me that.

“I have some concerns. I had two phone calls discussing your concerts at the churches. The pastor said that the young men had a problem with you.”

At this, I felt betrayed and angry, but explained the positive effect I had on the attendees of the concert. I gave an altar call and people were lined up, waiting for prayer. Many signed my mailing list book and wanted to hug me.. Quite a few said my singing so blessed them. I was completely taken aback about the pastors report of me. Why didn’t the pastor speak to me directly if I was offensive to anyone? Pastor continued to question me about my concert

He then explained to me about men and their weakness when they look at an attractive woman. He said that when a Christian woman ministers, she has to try to make sure that men focus on the Lord and not at her attractiveness of her body. He assured me that he was not seeking to tear me down, but that he cared about me and wanted my ministry to be successful. He didn’t like to hear people talking about me in a negative or mistrusting way. That was why he had to straighten me out and help groom me so I could be blessed. Nonetheless, the sting of his words and opinion, so wounded me that I didn’t come to church for several weeks. It took that much time to pray let God work in me and grow from the painful experience

I eventually realized pastor’s intentions and started to heal from the discourse. I had to weed through many lies from the enemy about my worth and value and ignored the subtle condemning words I felt were to tear me down. I took pastor’s chastening as badly as I took my father’s beatings as a young girl. That fragile and deeply rooted wound would haunt harass me for many more years. Pastor was not as harsh as I deduced him to be but because of that stronghold of criticism and rejection, it was hard to separate it from my worth. Some of us, it will take strong and gentle nurturing and counseling in God’s word to reestablish wholeness and self-esteem. But, this deep healing and restoration can only come when we truly want to be delivered from the old painful shackles of our youth!..Many of God’s people are not emancipated because they do not truly want to be delivered. True and permanent wholeness will entail hard and honest daily soul-searching and spending serious alone time in the presence of Holy Spirit!

I have to confess that I rehashed that conversation over and over again in my mind. It took me awhile to let go of the resentment I felt towards the two pastors. I cried in shame and sadness and eventually asked Holy Spirit if there was any merit in pastors words. He was so gentle as the anger melted away. I deduced that it was better to be more m mindful of my wardrobe and what I wore outside the house so that I wouldn’t be a stumbling block for men. I wanted to please my heavenly Father more than anything. I began to be thankful for pastor bringing my dress to my attention. I also made sure to look in the mirror before I left the house to make sure my clothing was not too form-fitting to the point of stirring up unnecessary lust in men who saw me. My attention to this detail of my dress gave way to more carefulness and less concern about looking great. I wanted all the attention to go to the Lord and soul-winning! (I also had to learn not to be overly concerned that it was all my responsibility to not evoke lust in men. Some men were addicted to pornography and they had no desire to curb their flesh).

I had another issue with my pastor several months after my issue with my dress. It had to do with my buying an expensive guitar for my first instrument. I was also growing musically on my newly attained guitar skill. My guitar mentor urged me to go shopping with him and we ended up settling for a finely crafted and very expensive Taylor By this time, I went back to church and resumed fellowship. Pastor was glad to see me and we acted as if nothing had happened between us. My confidant Gregg was also glad to have me back and was happy that I had found fulfillment in my guitar playing and composing. He was upset that pastor and I had a falling out but reminded me that he was on my side. I was disappointed that Pastor still didn’t invite me to lead worship, so I continued seeking opportunities at other churches and coffeehouses. The Lord blessed me with the finances to purchase the Taylor guitar and I brought her to church one Sunday to show a brother on the worship team a new jazz song I had just written. He liked the song and congratulated me on my beautiful new and first guitar. Inwardly, I was bubbling over with joy to have such a beautiful instrument as my first guitar and knew my heavenly Father had made it happen for me.

The next thing I knew, pastor approached me and asked me to see him in his office. I felt trepidation because of our last meeting many months ago and asked Gregg to accompany me. I wanted him to witness our conversation.. Pastor closed the door behind Gregg and me.
“So Anita…how much did that Taylor cost?”

Again, I was stung by his directness.

“A thousand dollars, Pastor…and no tax,” I giggled nervously. He was not impressed.

“How is it that you can barely pay your rent and you need food from the pantry weekly. Why didn’t you get a cheaper one?”

I looked at Greg, whose mouth was open. I felt dashed and whipped again. I couldn’t believe pastor’s lack of happiness for me. So, Gregg and I sat under his chastisement for another half an hour and left feeling like beaten dogs with their tails between their legs! We talked about the conversation all the way to my house and I swore I would definitely not come back this time! Again, his mind was closed as to the details of God’s miraculous provision to buy the Taylor. He was uninterested that God provided by me being hired to do two very upscale and very well-paying private events at the restaurant I worked at. He didn’t give me any credit for my resourcefulness and willingness to work hard, nor my dedication to my musicianship. I felt that he just did not respect me or my talent. It was a hard realization to chew.

That was almost ten years ago. I’ve forgiven my pastor. He remains a true friend today and we both respect each other. God has done a deep work in my heart and in his..

Fast forward five years later, I attended a Messianic Passover event at my former church with my former pastor. He and his wife greeted me. I was happy to be back. After the Passover dinner, Pastor asked to talk to me . This time I wasn’t nervous.

“Anita, I want to apologize for the misunderstanding we had regarding your Taylor guitar. I was wrong to interfere in your business and to be so harsh. The Holy Spirit spoke to me one night and said, “What right do you have to tell her why she shouldn’t have that Taylor guitar”

I was very moved and told him I had no hard feelings and forgot about the issue long ago. I also told him how much I appreciate his counsel as it so helped me to be the woman of God I am today. He seemed very happy to hear that. Recalling that incident, I realize God worked it out for my good. Even after my initial reaction of his comments I forgave and gave it all to the Lord for Him to temper. Now it’s my habit to ask God to show me if there is truth in something someone said to me. I don’t want to miss out on anything that God had for me. My heavenly father always vindicates me if indeed I’m am innocent of an accusation. I still have a good relationship with pastor and thank God to know that there are still pastors who truly care to correct their flock lovingly and in truth.

Chastening is a Necessary Grooming

My experiences and meetings with that pastor taught me not to take criticism so seriously and to the point that their opinion affirmed who I was in Christ learned to give my feelings to Holy Spirit so he could dissect and teach me the true meaning of self-esteem as a child of God. We must learn that holding on to negative emotions is never conducive to healing, restoration and communion with our Father. We need to relinquish bad feelings quickly, so we can walk in peace and unity. Pastors also need learn to communicate openly and lovingly their concerns when they see their people go astray.

When we enter covenant with the Lord, part of our acceptance is His discipline. Many of us come into the family of God with no prior spiritual discipline, nor do we understand the necessity of chastening. Hebrews 12:3-10. Father’s indeed chastened us as seemed best to them, , but He, (Father God) for our profit. Father is grooming us as a bride without spot and wrinkle. In order to be that glorious bride, we must be like Queen Esther who was primed and manicured for her glorious reign as Queen. As we read in the book of Esther, we see the virgins being rigorously prepared for many months with the royal beauty and etiquette regimen. They were being groomed to stand before the king..

2 Timothy 3:16 tells us scripture is given for reproof, correction and instruction in righteousness so that we are thoroughly equipped for every good work. Reproof and correction draw us into right relationship with God and with our brethren. If Holy Spirit does not convict and teach us the right ways, we are not considered His rightful children. We would be considered illegitimate. Every good father seeks to groom and guide his children in ways of virtue and wisdom. My earthly father was overly strict and demanding when I was a young girl, but today, I see that his motives were godly and he wanted his daughters to be highly educated, resourceful and productive members of society. Many of us had cruel or harsh fathers who beat us for no reason. Some of us were baptized in severe dysfunction where even our good actions were misunderstood. We grow up as super sensitive adults and collapsed under the weight of criticism, rejection or misunderstanding.

I remember singing a simple worship hymn when I was a very young believer. It want like this, . “Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord….Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord…and He shall lift you up…higher and higher and He shall lift you up.”

Sometimes when we are unjustly misunderstood, we have to surrender our hurt feelings to the Lord and ask him if there is any truth in words spoken to us. Sometimes, the person who misjudged us was indeed harsh, but we not take it to heart and seek the Lord’s wisdom about it, He will reveal the truth about us. Holy Spirit always leads us into knowledge and wisdom about ourselves and our Father in Heaven

Criticism and misunderstanding are always hard to swallow. My wounds ran deep regarding my unconventional ways of expressing my artistry or faith. I’ve learned that if I am to walk in peace, I have to mellow out and let God temper my anxiety, frustration or feelings of rejection and He does! I’m victoring over the area of weakness self sensitivity so that Father can use it for other sensitivity.

We are in the last days before Christ’s coming. Darkness has clouded many people’s emotions as well as God’s own people. All around us are suffering and wounded people. There is still so much work to do and still too many of God’s people are paralyzed and floundering in isolation and pity parties .There is a time for grief..and a time to move on.

Let us acknowledge the first step in walking in spiritual confidence…that we are adopted into the household of God upon conversion! We have a glorious inheritance a position in Christ. Eph 1:5 tells us that we are the accepted in the beloved and seated with Jesus in the heavenly places. How awesome is that?! As soon as we are born-again, we are fellow heirs with Christ, who is the chief cornerstone and we are living stones of God’s Holy house. We now have a purpose and our calling to be fellow builder of God’s house, 1 Cor 3:9-15 describes the spiritual materials used for our work Some of us will use gold, sliver, precious stones and some of us will use wood, hay and straw in the construction. Some of these material will withstand the heat of God’s holy refining fire, but others, such as wood and straw will be burned. What are you contributing to Father’s house? Christ has given each and every one of His brethren gifts and resources to contribute. We are no longer the recipients of the curses and generational strongholds of our ancestors, but upon our moment of redemption, inherit a new, holy DNA. That is too wonderful to acknowledge,. But so true.

We are a new creation. All things are new. If every new believer were taught this truth about their new spiritual heritage, the church would be thriving and limitlessness advancing the kingdom through passionate soul-winning! Many of God’s people are in bondage to the old nature and strongholds and feeling helpless to do anything about it.

A good pastor or teacher knows how to balance discipline with edifying, the believe can be adequately equipped for every good work! Good communication is essential to smooth out differences and misconceptions about each. Other. I know many church-hoppers who never put down deep roots anywhere because they have been so wounded by former pastors and fellow brethren who misunderstood or judged them harshly. There is no such thing as a perfect church and rest assured that the body of believers is made up of broken, dysfunctional and disillusioned people who were wounded and abused as children. The church is in reality a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints!

Eph 4:11, Paul urges us to be in unity with each other and that God gave gift and callings to His people: apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers for the equipping of the saints. That is the marvelous workmanship of the Father. He has ordained that all His children now have a job to do and a precious, Spiritual identity. No one should be floundering around, purposeless and insecure. Though most of us came from a diverse background of infirmities such as childhood dysfunction, spiritual abuse and/or pastoral detachment, we are no longer bound or conformed to the old, enslaving ways. Childhood wounds and abuse strongholds can be as complicated as a surgeon attempting to extricate a dangerous and life-threatening tumor! Many pastors are simply overworked, not attuned or not called regarding the delicate work of deliverance and freedom.

The Holy Spirit has led the way for us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds and to walk in the gifts of the spirit. Once we discipline ourselves and learn the appropriate ways of blooming in the fruits of the spirit, we will be on our way to wholeness and spiritual self-confidence! We will no longer be stifled by criticism or chastisement, knowing now that it is to steer us in the direction of holiness. Jesus told us to abide in Him, the vine, for we are the branches. When we abide in love, forgiving each other and walking in peace,, we abide in the vine. We allow Jesus to prune us when we humbled ourselves and let him work out unjust things said and done to us.

What a glorious living house God is fashioning! God’s holy house will be completed when all his people are on the same page of love. When pastors and teachers learn to handle the word of God correctly and apply it where necessary, deeply wounded people will find deliverance, freedom and restoration..They can’t be set free if they are ignorant of their new, changed spiritual DNA.

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