I WILL NOT LAY DOWN


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Ministering to elderly and sick nursing homes residents with Pee-Wee.

Note to Readers: My journaling of my battle with Dystonia-TMJ is to bring awareness to friends l loved ones in the hopes of giving more help, compassion and understanding to our deficiencies. I also hope doctors and medical personnel can understand the various areas of our lives that are restricted  and inhibit by inability to administer to our former duties, responsibilities and personal creative endeavors.  These journal entries and (medical personnel involved) . Our symptoms may even affect our judgement and/or mental-emotional prowess before we  had our condition. The utmost patience and compassion is needed for us to be contributors to our father’s kingdom. May our prayers, not just  for Dystonia, Alzheimer, Dementia ( or any other victim of a health disorder,)  not just be for our immediate healing, (so we don’t have to be inconvenienced) but to teach us patience and forbearance.

Journal Entry,  July 5, 2016

Just woke up to another overcast day, promising more rain. I don’t complain because many states are in a water crisis. My vegetable garden is flourishing, but the barometer and humidity has wrecked havoc with my jaw joints. When atmospheric pressure changes,  my neck muscles, nerves and jaws go berserk, making it almost impossible to accomplish any thing with merit. It’s going on two weeks trying to get together two of my best story to send to Guidepost inspirational magazine. I’m also waiting to get motivated to send m art package to a greeting card company here in Paterson, NJ.

Each day is different in this season of TMJ Dystonia in regards to what I’m able to accomplish, but it’s always the same regarding my determination to receive my miracle manifestation of healing. God has still not answered my question regarding what purpose this tormenting condition persists.  At times my flesh reminds me that it’s going on nine years and if God had a great plan for me, how could He be so cruel to allow it to linger and so curtail my vivaciousness and productivity. I remind myself that Abba is a good God and everything He gives is wonderful and needful to His children. One thing I know for sure ..that His ways are perfect and He does know how much I’m suffering. Satan’s plan is always to ambush our minds and barrage us with a continual spray of doubting questions, physical pain and our focus of it.

At times when I have a moment of peace, such as when I’m pulling acorn seedlings in my yard, I feel His gentle presence. Oddly, my muscles rest and my jaw is calm. My jaw and throat also seem to get calmer while I’m focusing on my fine bead work. But mostly, I’m groaning in agony as I press forward, (much like pushing through a tropical impenetrable forest),  through each hour to make it to bedtime. Here is where I rely on Father’s strength each day for sanity! When the neck spasms get so bad that I fall on the floor and writhe in pain, I can’t bare to be alive. Here is where I have to take captive that demonic spirit of suicide, death and insanity. I can’t explain to anyone except someone enduring daily pain on a scale of 8 or nine every waking moment of their lives.

After these many years, I deal with  the grief of losing a good chunk of my life. A dark season of nine years is a lot. I know brother Joseph, in the Bible, had to bear thirteen years of incarceration, but having a agonizing and distracting bodily condition is a whole new ball game. The most painful thing for me is deducing my relationship with Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. I’ve always believed that valid and thriving  relationship with the Lord had to be true and breath-takingly reverent. My prayer times are anything but reverential  There’s a whole lot of shaking and  jerking going on, hardly my idea of anything pleasing to God!  My focused prayer and devotions to Him are at best , sporadic. (I’m just being transparent with you). I often go in to prayer expecting  the outcome to be detached and superficial because  mostly… I weep through the whole time! Whew. Imagine struggling through your talking to father God?

“Father forgive me for being this way.”

Maybe tomorrow, I will have no more spasms and I can joyfully never and praise him. This is the uncharted waters that the Bible doesn’t address, so I have to contend with disgust of my inability to give Father my best and to even give Him His proper due.

The other devastating thing i that doctors I’ve seen have no idea where to even start for a treatment program. They look at me in surprise and apologize that there is nothing they can do. I’ve been researching and GOOGLING for over six years and have  found only a few doctors who specifically treated Dystonia of the mouth and.or upper cervical area. A girl freind  messaged me a few weeks ago telling me she also was researching my condition and found a  Dr LEE, who has a private practice   in South Korea. Many of his  Dystonia and TMJ patients were getting successful results with his treatments!  I also found a doctor  in  DE who treated TMJ. Unfortunately, they are very few and far in between in NJ and to travel to other states like the doctor in Teaas would be very costly and inconvenient for my husband to take off work. I continue to ask and pray whether father wants me to wait for His divine supernatural creative miracle for my jaw or travel to a  TMJ physician. Father be merciful to us who are suffering.

Dr Lee’s practice and You-Tube link.

July 4th was spent praying for a breakthrough rest with my jaw and neck spasms. The day was already almost half over and I needed to express my love for my Heavenly Father. it was so frustrating, picking up my Taylor and just jerking so wildly, I had to lay down. Uselessness and despair threatened to ruin my day, but finally picked up my guitar anyway and started to sing my favorite energetic hymns, like Onward Christian Soldiers.  Anyway, I am more than a conqueror!

Fast forward today, brought my Bible, a Max Lucado devotional and Jewel’s book, Chasing The Dawn into the bedroom. I prayed that something would awaken my heart and I’d be able to move forward into my day. My eyes fell upon the subtitle of Jewel’s book, Melbourne, Australia. I’ve always dreamed of Australia even as a young girl. Down Under seemed a glorious utopia far away from the chaos and heartache of my present circumstance of my parents plan to divorce. I often dreamed in my bed at night that I would somehow end up there and live a peaceful and creative life!

So Jewel expressed the sensations of her entering the stage to perform her repertoire to her Australian fans. Her writing was so elegant and enticing, making me miss my own performing and composing tenure. I felt a profound sense of loss that I was so far and disconnected to that glorious season of my life. Words cannot describe a performance were the performer “feels” her audience and they feel her. It is an indescribable connection that infuses the artists expression of singing-performing (and doctors have no idea the profound effects that a neurological disorder as Dystonia-TMJ can have on the creativity of a talented singer-composer. This has been a major grief, few realize  the extent of loss when a performing artist is unable to perform (and compose)  at the high level she was used to. I feel less than human and disconnected that this condition has so disrupted the  beautiful overflow of expressing my music-soul.

When I perform before an audience, it’s like I gently fall off a trapeze like a leaf  I lose all sense of the present, of time and the faces that gaze at me.  Father placed me in a I  a divine bubble and I’m floating in His love. Everything around me fades into nothingness and all I’m aware of is the holiness  (and lightness0 of His presence. This has happened several times. Twice, when I sang at dying persons’ deathbed and at a funeral service, where a seer told my husband she saw cherubim dancing joyously around me as I sang my Psalm 91 original. Another recent time, was just last month while singing two of my favorite Hymns His Eye is on the Sparrow and It Is Well at a church concert. . Despite the fact I was miserable and my neck was inflamed with pain and my mouth was  moving violently, I grabbed Father’s hand and took His strength. No one could have been more surprised than me, when everyone stood up and joined me on the heart-rending chorus, It is Well With My Soul. I knew it was God and God alone who carried me through the song.

10-17-2012-205THE VOICE of an ANGEL

A girl, her voice and Guitar, Proclaiming the Love of Christ!

This dark season I’m immersed in is complicated, daunting and bizarre with its untold repercussions. I can’t bare to be seen in public because of the embarrassing facial grimaces and my arms and upper shoulder jerking. Even standing in line at the post office for fifteen minutes is main achievement. With these negative symptoms molding me into something no one would want to be, I’ve learned to make some adjustments. I’ve long discarded the activity of complaining and have made a lovely habit of making someone’s day a little better. If I’m at the grocery store I find something attractive about the person near me and compliment them. I so delights me to see them smile and to make their day by a compliment. The practice of being a blessing to someone is a high point of my day. I refuse to give the enemy any ground or make him think that his attacks on me will sully God’s wonderful destiny for me. I want to please my Father by serving and being a blessing no matter how hard it is! I feel sad for mean people because I know that they’ve not practiced and seen the results of kindness in spite of their physical misery, stressful relationship or mundane life. Persistent acts of kindness and serving cheerfully is evidence of a God-infused lifestyle.
All this being said, I’m reminded of President Abraham Lincoln, One of the greatest presidents who ever lived, who endured and succeeded despite countless failures and  disappointments, shut doors and heart-aches. Amazingly, he grabbed the bull by the horn  in all his tenacity and audacity…his faith in God almighty.  He prevailed, head held high even during one of America’s most horrific times, the Civil War. Though I’m not faced with anarchy, riots and the threat of assassination, I still am facing a mountain which shall be moved by my obstinate faith in the God who restores and rewards all things.

http://www.school-for-champions.com/history/lincoln_failures.htm#.V3v21hJ4K1s

Weathering Dystonia,  (as president Lincoln faced his own giants) I know that God must have a very important job for me to do in the future and He is preparing and training me for such a time as this. Thankfully, July 5, 20016, we are still in peace here in America and life is somewhat normal. I recently watched a Christian outreach organization,  Ezra International outreach who focused their relief efforts on the refugees from cities near Ukraine. Soldiers had all but demolishes the businesses, neighborhoods and banks by bombs and machine gun fire. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I gazed at the footage of such devastation. Thousands were killed, there were bodies in the streets and many holocaust survivors were starving and left on their own. America could soon be enduring the same fate and I prayed that God would be merciful to the sick, elderly and young ones. Any of us American citizens could suddenly face the terrible war atrocities as our brethren in war-torn Ukraine and any other middle eastern city!

So… it would behoove me…and everyone to thank God that our country is still somewhat intact and not facing the atrocities and hardships of war and judgment.  Maybe for a short time, we are still the land of the free and though my own personal suffering is challenging, t’s nowhere near the suffering of people who’ve had their homes destroyed by bombs and have no where to go to get their next meal.

Dystonia reminds me of the need to be more compassionate, empathetic and giving of my resources to those who have less. Though I’d never wish anyone to endure a condition that robs and diminishes so much of our lives, the blessing in disguise is the  awareness and empathy of others sufferings and the motivation to do something about it!

Perhaps that is the gift Father looks to glean when we face a loss or bodily suffering. May father use you and I greatly to strengthen someone who has a deformity, impediment of disability

SILENCING the SONGBIRD


angel in  copper silk gown1“Lord, help me get through this. Help me, please” I kept saying as my jaw and mouth started to throb and convulse. I boldly accepted my pastor’s invitation to perform at the Jackson Baptist glory Celebration, a musical worship concert of local worship leaders and teams. A week ago, I emailed Pastor Sandra that I’d be performing His Eye is on the Sparrow and It is Well, two of my favorites that I sang to the residents of my area nursing home and the local physical rehabilitation centers. Those two songs were staples because they were a reminder of God’s promise to me that He was with me even in the valley. I had to play these two songs on my guitar almost everyday, just to remind myself that indeed, despite the incessant, tormenting pulling in my neck, the jerking of my arms and the rapid opening and closing of my mouth, one day, I would be released. It took every ounce of focus to do anything of substance. During this TMJ-Dystonia tenure, I’d programmed myself to call upon the Lord to strengthen me.. Steadfast confidence and reliance on Him was always the reward. That was who Father was,…always gracious in answering my prayer to give my best to my performances.

As more people entered the church, I could feel the excitement, which propelled me even more to be in close communion with Father. My husband Mark, saw I was in distress and massaged my neck. A girlfriend showed up, excited and encouraging and also gave me a neck massage.
People were filling into the well-lit church while the musicians and singers waited on the platform for the sound engineer to tweak their sound. My turn came and I adjusted the microphone. An older guitarist gentleman told me I could plug my guitar to his box which was a blessing so I didn’t have to set up all my effects pedals. Then I took a back seat near the edge of the church so people wouldn’t see my mouth contort. I hunched over in my seat, trying to take deep breaths to control the violent pulling and spasming in my neck. I felt an anxiety rise up, which always happened when the muscles got inflamed from the continua movement of my jaw. I continued to pray and stay alert .It was getting harder and harder to stay comfortable and I had to fight the impulse to run to the car and lay on my back for relief.

Finally, the concert started with a vivacious acapella trio. I was third in line. Then my Pastor approached the stage and introduced herself and me. I scurried up to the platform, nonchalant about my nondescript and unglamourous appearance. I’d long ago discarded my adherence to looking beautiful and well-coifed because it took so much energy to get through each hour. It had come to the point where it took an enormous amount of focus to do basic chores, my exercise routine, my daily voice scales and guitar practice. My only concern now, was to focus  on my performance-ministering in God’s anointing. To people enduring catastrophic illness, outward, perfect beauty is the last concern. Our symptoms wear us out to the point that we can’t be concerned that our make-up is perfect. Anyway, my lipstick and mascara always smeared or wore off halfway into any activity. My face always ended up leaning on my hands as I tried to position my head and neck in a comfortable way. Such is dealing with an upper cervical-spinal issue. I felt peaceful as I faced the audience.
“I’m so blessed and thankful to be here tonight despite having a very difficult almost nine years struggling with Dystina-TMJ, a neurological disorder similar to Parkinson. I’m so glad to be here to encourage any of you who are stiffening with any kind of illness. No matter who you are, God cares about what you are going through. Indeed, His eye is on the sparrow and as He is attentive to a tiny sparrow falling to the ground, so much more so are you precious in His sight”

The strains of my guitar and voice filled the church and I felt at ease, hardly aware of any muscles neck spasms. It was amazing how relaxed I now felt,compared to the preceding hour of anguish in my neck. I knew it was all Him! At the end of His Eye Is on the Sparrow, I paused for a second.  My eyes swept across the people’s faces as they sat spell bound watching me and listening to my every word. My face softened and I said, “It is well. It is Well.”
I then felt a surge of strength and stated, “You know, no weapon formed against you shall proper and Satan is under your feet. Get a hold of that and decide to walk powerfully in God’s strength. The devil is under your feet!”

JACKSON BAPTIST Church concert June  5, 2016

The audience grabbed a hold of that one and I preceded to sing It is well. I was joyful to hear one of the drummers accompanying me and my performance came alive with God’s hope and victory for everyone who’d choose to believe that all is well because of Christ’s victory on the cross!

By the third verse, everyone was standing and joined in through the end of the song! The chorus…It is well, with my soul reverberated with the layered harmonies of many voices. It was a transcendent moment for me! Father God punctuated His daughter’s glorifying music performance with His healing presence.

As I left the stage with the applause still lingering, the wicked spasms came back with a vengeance and I told Mark and my friend I had to lay down. I rushed to our HHR car and rested, immediately feeling less pressure in my neck. After about a half an hour, I decided to go back in, in case there was anyone who wanted to talk with me or have prayer. I was immediately approaches by several people One tall lady in particular, grabbed my hand.

“Hello sister and what can I pray with you for?”I asked.

“I was so blessed…so blessed by your songs. ” She gushed with tear-filled eyes. ” I have Lupus and have been very depressed for a long time.” She went on to share a little of her story and then a pastor joined me as I prepared to pray over the sister. Quite a few more people approached me to hug me and shake my hand and then I felt weak with the excitement and challenge of the night. I retreated back to the car to rest.

As I meditate and chronicle this pivotal evening of my life, I ponder the mystery of my battle-journey.  This TMJ-Dystonia condition has affected me in so many ways, some bad, but mostly good. Anyone diagnosed with a chronic illness will first ask, “Why me, God?” Then they will become angry at the injustice of it all and then resign themselves, either to resentment-bitterness or they decide that they will fight back and make the best of it! I have chosen to be the victorer and make the best of this daunting trial and trust that father will get all the glory from it!l

My encouragement to anyone enduring a daily or terminal illness is to weight your thoughts, dreams, standards and hopes by God’s word and His living presence. The Bible doesn’t answer all the the Jobian mysteries of a catastrophic health condition. For me it’s been groping my way through a dark maze and then leaving the “out” door onto a terrain riddled with land mines. Failure and death lurks beside every mine and one wrong step could propel you into the cemetery of resignation. I’ve often asked myself why I forge forward in my research, knowledge of Biblical healing and preventative medicine, (natural healing) when I’m daily almost overwhelmed with these devastating muscle-neurological and bio-chemical abnormalities.

I’ve learned from Dr Caroline Leaf (brain scientist) about the utter complexity of how the brain and the nuero-transmitters react to stress and trauma. From her research I’ve gleaned amazing insight on the importance of learning, meditating and relying on God’s divine and superior knowledge. After all, He did create and fashion our bodies in the most unfathomable ways ways!

Coming from a background of extreme abuse (bullying and domestic violence) and suffering much rejection because of generational sins, and then being redeemed  and transformed by Christ’s Yashuha’s love and freedom, reminds me  of my vow to the evil powers that be, that I will never again live in bondage. Though these devastating symptoms threaten me each day to hold me captive, I’ve relied on God’s Holy Spirit to empower me with His all-abiding strength, resilience and the possibility of total healing-restoration! Who else can promise that? Neither doctors, nor the toxic drugs they push can promise the prefect healing of our physician, Christ the messiah whose very stripes enabled us to walk in restoration!

close up anita OG

I, for one, need nothing else, but Him. The irony of my health journey has been that my enemy has tried to silence me by afflicting the very tools of my ministry. A worship leader-psalmist-speaker’s mouth and voice are the instruments with which she/he expounds God’s healing words, promises and anointed presence. Only in God’s presence is healing, so my enemy has chosen to viciously attack me, ( in my neck, vocal chords, throat and jaw) so that he can shut me down and shut off God’s healing works through me!

Ten years ago, somewhat vivacious and passionately aspired to get signed and go on tour, I never would have imagined to join the ranks of the “disabled” population.  Any pride or self-reliance I had is now completely extinguished and I’ve been brought to the place of humble submission…total reliance on Him alone!. This is Father’s refining process for me. I’m on his potters’ wheel and He is shaping me to what he wishes me to be. (Now, I can’t say that I’m always still and yielding) but mostly, I trust that He knows what He is doing.

He is using a chosen instrument, not of my parents ilk. None of my parents were musicians, nether were any composers or played instruments! It has been a testimony for God to teach me how to play guitar and compose the beautiful Psalms he has given me. It will be seven years since beginning the recording of my album MOD PROPHET and then my worship CD,  The Anointing, His Presence. They are nearing completion, getting more polished and glorious with each song. I will not stop and neither shall my enemy stop my mouth from praising Him and teaching the world of His great promises and Love.

The songbird will sing!

 

HEALING IS the CHILDREN’S BREAD


 Do you remember the poignant story in Mat 21 15-28 of the Canaanite women who approached Jesus in desperation because her precious little daughter suffered demon-possession. Even in her utter grief, Jesus said not a word but  and his disciples urged him to send her away.

Then Jesus turned to her and said,  “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” She was not to be ignored and knelt beside him. “Lord, help me!”His answer was “it is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”

Instead of retorting in resentment or offense, she  answered, “yes, lord But even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from the  their master’s table.”

Jesus was so moved by her audacity that he immediately healed her daughter. She had a bulldog faith that would not let go!

Friend, are you still suffering today with a painful and/or chronic condition even after years of prayer liners, prayer clothes and meditating on your healing scriptures? Could you be missing something or doing something wrong? Could there be some blockage that is keeping you from your miraculous healing? I pray my latest  article on healing will help you uncover any ground you’ve not explored before.

(Unearthing, Addressing and Dismantling  Generational Curses and Iniquities)

Today, let us ask Father Jehovah and Yashuah Jesus to explore the deeper spiritual waters in hopes of toppling the barriers to our healing and wholeness. I hope by sharing transparently, the the mystery of my own bondage and sufferings from uncancelled generational curses  that you also may gain deliverance and freedom. Knowledge is victory.

I was ordained as a minister in 2013 by Pastor-evangelists, Leo and and Edith Fram.  I’ve passionately and consistently been serving my precious Lord Yashuah HaMashiach since 1982 under the authority of a Pentecostal hell-fire and brimstone pastor. I was born to a Puerto-Rican Catholic father who was stationed in German and where he married my beautiful, blonde-haired, green-eyed mother.

In the seventh grade, I suffered a traumatic  event which led to a six year tenure of bullying by 3 black girls, who were under demonic influence. From then on, I suffered shame about my birth heritage. Soon after, my sisters and I suffered childhood abuse and neglect because of my mom’s scorn of my dark-skinned father, (and other buried traumas she endured as a girl in Germany). Dad was also almost driven insane by mom’s fits of rage and antics. Supporting us became so challenged that he decided that foster care would be best for my two younger sisters.. One day, my mom lost her grip with reality, called the cops on me and I was ordered to leave. I was also placed in foster care in my senior year of high school. My life fell apart.

My adult life, feeling orphaned by my parents and supporting myself became overwhelming. I became deeply depressed and bulemic because of shame issues. A few years later in April 1982, a “religious” friend invited me to his church where I accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior. I never realized that this was just the beginning of a very long tenure of spiritual battles and health attacks that would be helped by deliverance. It took many years to correctly use the keys Jesus had given me to wholeness & freedom. WHY? Because I had many generational curses and family iniquities that blocked my blessings and wholeness. I had no idea satan still had access to me through these buried generational curses. This is the missing key many Children of God are ignorant of.

After decades of suffering various and recurring health issues, (particularly hay fever, allergies and bronchitis, my younger sister almost died several times from Asthma attacks!) I found out lung ailments were associated with “FREEMASONRY”I had no idea there was any such thing, but it was discovered during a deliverance session that I had Freemasonry in my family line. ( my grandfather in Germany had a hidden life with this secret society group! In another deliverance session, it was found a SANTERIA curse harassing me, (my father was born & raised in Puerto-Rico and by a devout Catholic mother).

Friends, it is hard for me to imagine that as a  committed servant of Jehovah and Yashuah Jesus that I’d be suffering so much. I had a strong calling as  a worship leader and teacher. (Holy Spirit taught me how to compose and write songs on the guitar). I’ve also experienced God using me greatly in the ministering to the sick and dying in hospitals and nursing homes and have been called to preach at funerals. I’ve also counseled, challenged youth as well as professional adults as a behavior counsel our at Nutri-System Weight Loss centers.

I want to tell you all, that when we come to Christ from a family riddled with curses and generational iniquities, everything does not just disappear with the declaring of the salvation prayer. The Bible says we work out our salvation with reverence and trembling…thus it is a process. Phil 2:12 For me it’s been a staggeringly exhausting and arduous process. Imagine being so talented in music, the arts, journalism & being plagued for almost 9 years with a tormenting “movement” suborder, DYSTONIA of the mouth! My mouth, throat and tongue are the tools God uses to lead people into His presence as a worship leader. Imagine being in excruciating pain every waking minute because I refuse to use pain killers which would damage my organs or cloud my mind. (To get through each hour, I discipline myself to declare that I have the MIND of Christ).. After  having countless doctors, chiropractors and neurologists examine me and then being  told there is NO cure …Christ must be my sufficiency, or I will just have a nervous breakdown and give up the fight!

Imagine the shame & frustration of having uncontrollable mouth movements making ugly facial grimaces and feeling the sensation of being choked and can barely breath. Dozens of times, I’ve had to call in prayer lines and also had countless ministers of healing lay hands on me. Countless hours I’ve spent in researching the causes of this TMJ jaw DYSTONIA and am no nearer to relief than 8 years ago. I realize there must be mysterious issues and powers that be here at work. I cry daily   to my Father for strength and refuse to give up my right be be whole. The barrier must be found…and torn down by the blood of Yashuah…and so the mystery tour continues.

If you are in similiar treacherous waters as I’ve been for these eight and half years, (I’m not even counting the ten years earlier fighting a  staggering battle with Lyme Disease and candida), do not give up on the Lord!  Keep knocking, keep seeking. A recent scripture that was sent to me by Pastor Jeff lane from YOU and Me Prayer ministry was,

James 1 2-4  My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into                         divers  temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

So then, he/she who endures til the end shall be saved. Long-term suffering born patiently yields a precious fruit of compassion and empathy for others we meet who are also suffering! Jesus already paid the price for our healing & deliverance. There is no reason for any of His children to be suffering and ineffective for His kingdom. If we are still suffering, perhaps we’re  doing something wrong, have some buried, ancestral harassing spirit, need to press more confidently and expectantly or maybe, we just need to believe and expect our healing is already done! This is what Father Jehovah has taught me. Healing IS the children’s bread.

Sickness is not from the Father, Kynan bridges, author Possessing Your healing. reminds us throughout his wonderful book. Father will deny any good things. Are some of us harboring an “unconscious desire ” for special attention in our sickness so we don’t have to take responsibility to grow and receive the higher things of God? Let us seek Him diligently. Some of us really don’t want to be healed, because it’s out of our comfort zone! Well, folks, Father wants us to rooted & grounded in the faith, not to be forever drinking milk!

Science and medicine correctly deduce a physical-reason for Bi-Polar, depression or any sickness, but…Christ supersedes any emotional or physical condition. Period. .By HIS stripes were are healed. Psalm 103 1-3. Christ is PREEMINENT over ALL. I hope this helps some of you. Watch the 700 club, Sid Roth’s It’s Supernatural and Andrew Wommack’s teaching series on healing. YouTube also has amazing documentaries of divine healing. Have an open mind in Christ and see what He will do. Christ heals every day and everywhere around the world. There is NO excuse to stay emotionally ill for we HAVE the mind of Christ. You need to connect with anointed, supernatural ministries who specialize in deep healing. I thank God everyday for His word which has transformed me. When I start to get depressed about this temporary Dystonia mouth seizures, I rebuke & bind the spirit of depression and declare that I have the mind of Christ…DITTO.

One more thing, denial will keep you in tremendous bondgae and sorrow. The hardest part about starting your journey to healing through deliverance is saying, I am sick or I need help. satan is cunning as he has led so many of God’s people into bondage through spiritual and emotional deception. If he can get us to say, “I don’t need to be delivered from demonic oppression or influence” he will keep us from receiving all of Fathers benefits and blessings. As I said at the beginning of this expository, “healing Is the children’s bread.

Abba, in the name of Yashuah Jesus, I stand in the gap for my brother and sister who is in bondage. I declare that he/she is FREE in the name of Jesus and by His precious blood, they are a new creation. I bind the spirit of deception and delusion and cast you out into the dry places. Holy Spirit, fill this mind NOW with your divine, pure and holy transformation and illumination. Thank You, Father for opening up the spiritual eyes of my brother  or sister. I declare this day, that they are moving towards You and away from all the entrapments, generational curses and family iniquity. Jesus bore our sorrow, sicknesses and dins, so we Thank you NOW that my freind is walking towards complete freedom and deliverance. help him or her to walk in transparency and honesty with you regarding their sin or struggles. Your word says that we should confess our sins to each other. So give us a joyful and repentant heart, In Jesus matchless name, amen.

PUT UP YOUR DUKES


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voEZQ0whaW4

Strategic Warfare  (Holiness, Fasting and Unceasing Prayer)

I want to discus with you beloved brethren about the  crisis and proliferation of false prophets and false shepherds. YouTube is replete with prophetic posts and words from the Lord. I was very troubles to come across  well-respected Pastor Perry Stone asking Brian Carn to repent. On the right side of the YouTube page were other brethren also calling out Brian. I was very sad to read these other  allegations. Indeed there seems to be a proliferation of people  prophesying Thus saith the Lord.

Truly, we are in very dark times and Jesus told us that there woudl be many false prophets. Today, a sister asked me to respond to her post about the miraculous outpourings of salvation upon the Muslim people and their visions and visitations by Jesus to them. A sister responded that the woman of God who was  ministering to this group was performing eh miracles through satan. Now this is certainly something we need to be aware of and spiritually discerning about. This sister made some very relevant points.

 Many would come in Jesus’ name and would be deceived,  Mat 24:5 2. The word of God is truth’s test. 3. Call them out and warn others.

Bethel Church (Bill Johnson Hillsongs; Brian Houston, Rick Warren, to name just a few) are all in question by man brethren. It certainly is a very  hard things to discern between the true men and women of God and the false. We know that if it were possible, the very elect would be deceived.

Mat 24:24  For false Christs and false prophets will arise and will show great signs and wonders, so as to mislead, if possible, even the elect.

I doubt that any of us are above being deceived, so we need to more than ever fa sat and pray for however long it takes to receive a direct answer from Holy Spirit. After all He is the true reveler

john 16:13 .But when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come.

Heidi Baker shared her precious testimony on Sid Roth’s It’s Supernatural program. She seems a woman whose heart was pure and seeking the Lord with all her heart at a very young age. It’s hard to believe that she started out as a “false” prophet. It’s hard to believe that any of the TV Evangelist, prophets or teachers began with impure motives. Most of us start out wanted  God so much with a pure heart. So when and how does the “false” anointing and prophesies come in?

We can discern the truth of a person’s identity by examining their fruit, Jesus said you’ll know them by their fruit. We must also pray unceasingly and with great focus. As satan is incessant in pummeling us with lies and deception, so must we engage. The greatest sin of the pastors and teachers, especially of the mega churches is they are not  grooming their flocks to seek  and revere Father’s presence! the most needful thing for God’s people is to hunger after Him. How many of His children are crying out to sit in His presence and worship? We are in serious trouble, folks. A precious prophetic brother of mine who also struggles with a physical malady share what Holy Spirit gives him. People, Abba God is devastated about the lack of love and hunger His people have for Him. is cup is about to overflow with indignation because weare walking in hypocrisy and sin.

Here is the message Holy Spirit gave to my brother:

“My son, I am bringing a full fledge of My fire upon My church because of the great sin it has committed against Me. I am bringing this fire My son because it is absolutely necessary to burn up the sin which has overtaken the leaders of My church. My fire is necessary My son because of the enormity of sin that is within My holy temple from the leaders to those who sit listening to them. My son, why are there so few calling out for My holiness? My son, holiness is not an option. It is what I require because it reveals the true intent of the heart. It reveals My son those who are for Me and those who are not. My son, why are so few standing up and calling out for My fire? My son, I love My precious church but why doesn’t My precious church love Me anymore?

   My son, My heart aches for the multitudes who have abandoned Me. My son, My temple is supposed to be holy, it is supposed to be pure, it is supposed to be undefiled. My son, My word says that I search to and fro seeking those who are Mine but I am finding so few who have hearts of worship for Me. My son, My priests have abandoned their calling because their calling was first to Me and then to lead My flock but so many have jumped into bed with the world. My body, My precious body My son have no one to lead them because My priests, My leaders have allowed prostitutes into My holy temple, My holy place. My son, what I am sending will not be pretty but is absolutely necessary.

My son tell anyone, tell everyone what I have spoken to you. My son, tell, tell, tell anyone who will listen to you that the hour is so late and I am getting ready now to call those who are My church, who are My precious bride, home. My son, I am asking My temple to rend their heart and not their garments because their garments have been polluted by the sin of this world, the sin of riches, the sin of filthy lucre. How My son did this happen to My precious church? I am calling out right now to My precious body that the time for preparation is over but how many will hear My voice? How many will hear My heart since very few know My heart anymore? My son, the day of preparation is over because the day is at hand for My times of fire. My son, the day of My cloven tongues of fire is at hand. The day and the hour of My fire, the fire of My Holy Spirit which will reveal whose hearts are for Meand whose hearts are not is now at hand.”


This blogs’ message is even more urgent than the last one. Those who are  zealous for the Lord know that the falling away has already occurred and many are being swept away into deep delusion. My heart is sobbing for my brethren who have lost their first love. Every night in bed, in my darkened room, I cry out, “Mercy, Abba, mercy” I know his judgment will come swiftly and His fire burning to a crisp  those who prophets them  with their mouths, but whose hearts are far from Abba. Oh, my, I have to search deeply my own self every day to stay close to Him, to worship in spirit and truth and pray for others to receive the priceless revelation of His majesty and the accessibility into the Holy of Holies…His glorious presence.

Once saved is not always saved and being close to Father, Yashuah and Ruach HaKodesh years ago or even weeks ago is not the same as abiding in His presence. Abiding in Him means to stay connected with him every day and often, with so many distractions and fearful world events, we can very well loose sight of His ever-abiding presence and His hope!

I urge you brothers and sisters, especially if your in a mega-church…to re-assess your relationship with Jehovah Father, Yashuah Jesus and holy Spirit.  The hour is so late, we may not have the next day to repent. We are called to lift up Holy hands. Put away looking at worthless things,  Psalm 119:37 Are you focused on your job, making more money to buy more toys and material things? Are your priorities on your hobbies, refurbishing your car and/or home? Is most of your time spent watching sports and TV?  These ear all “worthless” things which won’t amount to dust  When we see sin, false prophets leading the sheep astray)  we must confront and pray unceasingly. Fast…and pray in the Holy Spirit.

.The bottom line, our life’s mission is to love the Lord with all our mind, soul and spirit and love our neighbors as ourselves. That is how we can fend satan’s blows of deception, idolatry and worldliness. Satan will drag many of God’s people into hell by their selfishness and carnality. It must hurt and anger Father that the meg-churches boast thousands of members, yet there the sheer numbers don’t dent the staggering numbers of poor and homeless people amidst their very cities!.

We can certainly judge by  fruits and the inability of the church to address such abject poverty is a true sign of hypocrisy and sin. There is such a things as overabundance of opulence and wealth (and a mismanagement of stewardship regarding the finances which come in to the coffers.  Is it really needed to have several million-dollar homes and  exotic cars? There is nothing wrong with great wealth, but when it is is hoarded to a high degree, it is somehow evil. Father is watching those who give generously in their alms-giving. And we will be held accountable for our stewardship of our wealth, finances and even our time. Church, we must  immediately get circumspect with our walks because His coming is imminent. If you’re lacking in any point, repent, renounce your greed, sin or apathy and move forward in abundant l worship (to Him)  love and giving.  Living Holy, repentant lives is how we defend ourselves from the wiles of satan.

Holy spirit recently anointed me with a precious new song called Fruits of Repentance.  Jeremiah 616. One of the verses is from Jeremiah 6:16 , “Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls.  Now if the time for us to get back to the basics, obey His commandments and ask for the old ways…for they are righteous!

Until the church gets a strong revelation of personal obedience and reverance for His presence, many will be shocked when Yashuah says, “”depart from me who work iniquity!”

Many will weep in torment when cast out into utter darkness and eternal separation. My brother or sister, make your path straight. Ask Holy Spirit to examine your walk everyday and listen…and obey. God bless you beloved.

TASTE AND SEE


 

Rejoice in Your Humanity

Beautiful words stir my heart. I will recite a lovely poem about the king, for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet. Psalm 45:1 NLT

Last night, I went to sleep listening to watchmen, Nathan Leal and Steve Qualye sharing their visions of America’s future. You could call me a glutton for punishment because what these two men of God shared isn’t material fir for good sleeping,. Continuing, I ask Holy Spirit to keep me alert, awake and prayerful about what Father does in the world. and what I can do to influence and bring beauty and healing.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cfp-radio/2015/01/23/steve-quayle-nathan-leal-when-watchmen-see-eye-to-eye

The men continued to share their chilling visions, sending me into anxious tiredness. i ended up tossing and turning while reciting my peaceful scripture verses which eventually relaxed my mind. I’d deal with the judgment visions in the morning. The next day, despite not feeling well, I worshiped with my guitar and thanked Father for yet another day of warmth, a good cup of coffee and running water. As I was worshiping, a vision of sudden panic and chaos hitting Americans made me disturbed again and I started to weep . A major US city felled by a nuclear attach was too much for me to even imagine and tears of sorrow fell for the victims. I believed that the degree of calamity hitting America would solely depend upon the wisdom and strategy of spirit-led men and women of God, well-prepared for spiritual warfare of any kind. The main concern I see is the lack of reverence, worship and thankfulness to our Heavenly Father-Creator. Rom 1:20 came to mind..

20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

Invisible qualities are evident and even more so… visible attributes! And what attributes are those? One cannot look through a Hubble telescope without being awestruck by the expanse and breath-taking beauty of the universe! Who set those stars in their places? Psalm 8:3 Psalm 104: Psalm 104 expounds on the glorious dominion over all things on heaven and on earth. Anyone with an open and humble spirit would examine any of God’s natural creationist and gasp in reverential awe!

Fearfully and wonderfully made

Since accepting Christ as my Savior in April of 1082, God seriously woke my creative senses beginning with my journey with my camera and macro lenses. Looking into that lens and photographing anything of virtue, I received a taste of God’s transcending creativity.. After earning my degree in college, I became a true artist, dabbling in painting, photography- darkroom technique , lettering and anything relating to the creative arts. I was more so passionate about in-depth studies in the humanities. To me, there is nothing more fascinated than what makes a human tick and how he thinks. I wanted to learn all about the workings of the human mind (intellect, will and perspective) and how they developed. How utterly amazing is the human body and mind, when healthy and whole flowing in sync

King David, God’s anointed Psalmist marveled, ” …When I was shaped in the hidden place, (his mother’s womb) and knit together. Psalms 139: 15

In other words, he was “fashioned’ by the hands of a mighty and thoughtful Creator. Deeply pondering this unparalleled genius , (the design of the human body), only a supernatural genius could conceive and bring to life His creation! That being said, My Heavenly Father continues to dazzle me with His revelations of His deity and creativity. .The closer I draw near to Him, the more he shows me all the depths of His desire and destiny for His creation.

I was browsing around a thrift store years ago and came upon a very alluring full color, coffee table book called The Incredible Machine. Robert Poole compiled the contents of the book for National Geographic. The full-color clarity and detail of the photos draws you into the magnificent workmanship and design of the human body! I was transfixed by the photos of the embryo in the womb. That picture sold me and I hurried home to explore the book in full.

https://www.google.com/shopping/product/6252393840817361928?sclient=psy-ab&biw=1024&bih=657&q=robert+pool,+the+incredible+machine+book&oq=robert+pool,+the+incredible+machine+book&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_cp.&bvm=bv.113034660,d.dmo&tch=1&ech=1&psi=28SvVtXHCIuoesSSiPgN.1454359771124.25&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjexoHDudfKAhWCNz4KHSuNCU8QuiQIXg

My studies in the humanities paid off and after graduation, God opened doors to put my knowledge to experience firsthand in the counseling fields. I was hired as a part-time behavior counselor for Nutri-System Weight loss center and mentored youth for a youth-family organization during the other days of the week. Here I learned to help kids and youth navigate through the difficult channels of life, school and their challenged family lives. It was a sublime gifting from God to connect empathetically with the precious people I counseled-taught. I also knew that if I was to be successful, I first had to intimately connect with my heavenly Father His honing me to “soul sculpt” became my second passion in life, (after knowing Him). Over the years, I learned how daunting and complicated, (at times) counseling-discipling could be to help guide to healing the emotionally traumatized and “unlovable” people . Modern science, medicine and and psychology seemed not to make a dent in certain cases

Music, a Healing tool

Besides my tenure into the social sciences, my second gift has been as a vocalist composer. My journey learning the guitar has been delightful, but even more so exploring the arena of the …voice. I’ve learned that the voice is similar to our finger prints..there are no two alike. From the range of the deepest bass to the highest soprano, there are myriad various attributes: texture, vibrato, timbre and tone, raspiness, pure ,ect.. There are three areas where the vocal tone is placed, the falsetto, head voice, the mid range and the chest voice. The diaphragm is the chief muscle which gives the tone and strength to the voice. I encourage all seekers of God to explore the glorious “vocal” instrument which is His tool. Singing out praises to Him with thankfulness and joy can impact the earthly and heavenly realm. Let all the earth sing Praise the Lord…for His mercies endure forever!

There are countless other organs of the body with their own supernatural abilities and because of lack of space, I cannot elaborate on them all. But I must mention the eye, so complicated and amazing, it dazzle my mind. the capillaries can be as fine as a hair and the capacity of the eye to differentiate distance, focus clearly and relate to our brains what we are seeing..is breath-taking. So much for being an artist acutely aware of God’s transcendent wonders!

A New Elite Group, The Transhumanists

That being said, I must share with you about an elite group who does not revere or acknowledged Jehovah God’s creation.

Transhumanism is the greatest threat that mankind has ever faced. humanities greatest threat. Transhumanism is the belief or theory that the human race can evolve beyond its current physical and mental limitations, especially by means of science and technology. The mainstream population may be ignorant of this affront to God’s superior design of the human race, but scientists continue to push the boundaries of their experiments through gene splicing and DNA tampering. What we have now, is a boiling cauldron of GMO, cloning and fetal marketing. The saddest thing is that most of the body of Christ has no idea, nor inkling about what we humans are now facing. Pastors and teachers must awake and address the Transhumanist’s agenda via research, and experimentation to annihilate and destroy humans. If not, mankind as we know it will vanish!

To me, it is tyrannically demonic to understand that the Transhumanists think that they can improve upon God’s creation. God’s people know know that their their minds have been taken over by spirits of deception and arrogance. What are they not seeing? God’s word says

“They knew (about God…and saw His glorious handiwork) but they wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. As a result, their minds became dark and confused.

Since the beginning of time, satan’s goal has been to ensnare man into thinking the wrong thing and totally apart from God’s perfect wisdom. This is why God had to destroy almost everyone except Noah and his family. Satan had beguiled learned men of the day to entice the people with pagan worship. Their demonic knowledge was so profound and advanced that they contaminated the DNA and mankind was no longer God’s work, but mans. So today, we are in the last days of Noah. Man/mankind goes about their business, oblivious to his emotional detachment to his Creator and ensnared in satan’s ideology of godhood and self-glorification. .

The Transhumanism agenda is now so dangerous and threatening to humanity that pastors, godly educators and scientists must address. Our government has already made great successful strides to enhance soldiers to create the prefect ubermensch. The Ubermensch is the ideal superior man of the future who could rise above convention Christian morality to create and impose his own values , originally described by Nietzsche in Thus Spake Zarathustra.

In the very near future, satan will be presenting human enhancements as so attractive and necessary that most people will go for them. The scientists who Dr Tom Horn interviewed in his Inhuman documentary, make a very strong argument for humanity to transcend its present state. Indeed the Bible prophecies that if it were possible, the very elect would be deceived.

I had a good idea of what artificial intelligence was like watching Data on Star Trek’s The Next Generation. Data’s character struggled with not being able to feel emotion One episode showed him playing a violin concerto with another character and another episode showed him enjoying company with his cat, Spot. Sadly, only in a family-oriented program such as Star Trek, being human is a coveted and prized state.

In another Star Trek, series, Voyager, the later seasons brought in a fascinating new character, a female Borg, 7 of 9, who was separated and severed from her collective. Captain Janeway took on the responsibility of helping 7 adjust to her re-entry back into humanity. She was born a human, but was kidnapped and assimilated by the Borg. Captian Janeway has been a strong force in reminding Seven continually of the greatness of being human. In the first episode where 7 is introduced the scenes and dialogue between her and Captain Janeway is riveting. 7 mourns her disconnection from her collective and says she cannot survive without then. Captain answers, “We are you’re collective now.” She reminds 7 that she is human first because she was born human. During the next episodes and seasons, we rejoice with Capetian Janeways success at helping 7 re acclimate to her original human state.

http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000502094

If the Transhumanists get their way, they will persuade us that being enhanced is the future of humanity and to refuse would be to rebel and reject the great plan of the new humanity. Who would reject the opportunity to never get sick, old, fat and bald. It’s everyone’s dream to stay young and physically invincible.

If we understand the repercussions of submitting to the transhumanism, evolution we will very well be participating to the downfall of humanity in Jehovah God’s original plan. Stop for a moment and realize that existence will be sterile and gone will be the intangible treasure of humanity all its glorious creative expressions! I urge you to ponder the implications of a world where our bodies do not get weak or sick, where our life spans are greatly increased, but where there is no need or desire for the works of art from composers, poets and artists. Father God gave His creative inspirations to His creation, Humanity because he is all about beauty, truth and rejoicing in His glorious handiwork. Let us remember that Lucifer was His first vessel , and yet he was so envious of God that he rebelled. Imagine, a third of the heavenly angels were cast down to earth because of this mutiny!

Friends, let us not be distracted with the candidates and the elections. satan is very busy keeping our eyes on the latest Dancing With the Stars and other hot TV series. Our soldiers are already being chipped. I urge you to stop, look, listen ….watch and pray. this is one of the most urgent blogs I have every composed.. The Bible reminds us that His people are perishing In these last days, if it were possible, the very elect will be deceived by anti-christ impending regime. It is time for God’s people to be alert and aware of the insidious plans awaiting us.

I know, I for one have no desire to be part of the new robotic, sterile and godless world. And here is where a war between humans and robots will come. Remember the opening scene of Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines shows a post apocalyptic America , where the scene opens up with humongous destroying robots walk over a the skulls and remains of humans. Sci-fi fantasy, but we humans will be disposable if we do not pray now for God’s intervention.

 

By His Stripes… You are Healed


My Dystonia Journey

Note: If you are suffering from Dystonia, Parkinson, MS, Lupus, Fibromyalgia or any of the host of neurological disorders, please have an open heart, research. Please don’t allow drugs to diminish the quality fo your life. Pain is a killer, yes, but Christ is Life. I have no words to convince you to seek passionately and incessantly for the root issue your illness.  If anything…after eight long, tormenting years of suffering agonizing pain and humiliation, God is our only answer and cure! BTW, still can’t find a cure? Look into spiritual Christian deliverance. According to pastor Henry Wright strongholds and generational issues could be the root of you not receiving your healing. This is all so complicated, but at Pastor Wrights Healing    seminars we learned that small insidious sins such as unforgiveness, bitterness, resentments and even innocent emotions such as deep grieving can block us from healing. Deliverance sessions with a empathetic and  Holy-Spirit-filled counselor can release your ability to receive Jesus healing! check out Henry Wright on Sid Roth. His book,  A More Excellent Way, Be In Health, is a life changer.God bless you on your healing journey. Please pass this blog on to any of your loved ones or family members who are sick. This blog may change your life forever

Journal Entry, April 3, 2016 4:50 pm

So, It’s just a little past spring and I’m delighting in the glorious  blooming of my favorite “snow-busters” crocuses. I really had expected that I would be outside brisk-walking and getting back my size four shape. The violent muscle-pulling of my neck  kept me house bound and stuck sitting most of the winter day,  fashioning my beaded chokers. Stringing the beads were just about the only therapy which kept the violent mouth-jaw-tongue and neck spasms from sending me to a nervous breakdown. Of course, my reliance has been and continues to be on my heavenly Father giving me strength and declaring my healing scriptures otherwise, I would be toast!

Mark and I continue to research and scour the internet for any treatment or new breakthroughs in Dystonia, neurological disorders or tremors. We’re researching the treatment protocol to address the mold contamination situation which started in our old home. A Christian sister prayed with me one day last year and insisted I check into the possibility that it was contributing to the Dystonia symptoms and mild seizures. She said the myco-toxins were dangerous and I shouldn’t wait to let myself get sicker.   I trusted her spiritual wisdom and insight, but Mark wasn’t sure that could be the issue, and besides  the tests to find out about mold are very hard to come by. Any doctors who did treat mold were in very exclusive areas and charged at least a grand just to get in the door. After finding out about the cost, Mark got disgusted and gave up…and I continued to get worse!

Even thought, just getting through each hour was arduous and exhausting, my empathy and compassion for those enduring devastating, chronic and unexplained sickness grew. I ‘m more passionate than ever to help others find healing and wholeness.

So many things encapsulate a movement disorder condition.  Besides, the loneliness, isolation and people unable to care and/or empathize with  the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual ramifications of Dystonia, FibroMyalgia, Parkinson’s Lupus or MS, there is the frustration and hopelessness of never  leaving the bodily prison. Worse yet, are the consequences of being addicted to pain-killers and other anti-confirmatory drugs.

I hope the following conversation I had with a freind educates other sufferers of immune and/or nerve disorders. The name is changed  for privacy

Damaris:

I just hate to see u in pain. Aside from lethargy and sluggishness, which I know all too well from my meds, do the meds help w tremors
Do u have trouble eating or swallowing. Is that how u keep your youthful, zero fat shape.
Me:

BTW, just to add, I’m waiting to get my book ready for publication. Editing takes great segacity. Excelling at my craft for the Lord far exceeds the issue of NOT being in pain. Choosing to stay alert, (Mark has great immune system challenges also) & I have to be on top of everything regrading knowledge of immune-enhancing supplements, herbs and especially keeping up with label reading,, a new priority since this evil government seeks to weaken the population thru vaccinations , GMO and our produce being tainted. Not to even elaborate on the toxicity of Splenda, Sucralose, MSG and high fructose corn syrup now being added to most foods and beverages. HFC makes makes people even fatter..Daily exercise is also a priority for me. I need to keep fit because Mark’s back has severe herniated disks and he couldn’t do any taxing physical work like chopping the wood or a lot of snow shoveling. I’m adamant about fitness and there’s the necessity of being so in case of any impenitent  EMP situation. God help those who are overweight  or physically debilitated in anyway!  You know, I would have had cancer also if  it not were for my Biblical declaration of Healing scriptures and researching everything I can about keeping my body cancer-free.
Regarding drugs for tremors, Sinemet and other muscle relaxers do little to get to the root of the  spasms. And besides, I don’t have a Parkinson or tremor problem. I have a nerve spasm issue from pinched nerves from the TMJ ligament and trying to detoxify my body from a past severe Carbon monoxide poisoning which did a number on my body.
Damaris: Any Dr mention wiring jaw wiring for what?
Damaris,  miracles abound for people getting astounding healing from Jesus, our Divine healer. Doctors know almost nothing about the body & how God created it to heal itself! I watch the 700 club, Copelend, Andrew Wommack ministries and many evangelical outreaches, German evangelist Rinehard Bonnke have prayed for miracles all over the world, especially in third-world nations. I’ve heard of testimonies on the Sid Roth Program of people whose limbs restored. Others had eyes restored where their eye sockets were empty. God created new eyes! Others gave testimonies of God giving them brand new organs like lungs, a new heart and  kidneys.
So, Mark and I don’t put too much trust in most mortal doctors who  are revered almost as gods. Mark insists they practice medicine.  Most of them could care less to passionately research new holistic and natural healing modalities. They’d not get their extra thousands from the kickback drug companies give them! Most of them are charlatans who rob poor working-class people and their greed compels them to aspire to  another Lamborghini. Remember, the drug industry is a billion dollar industry.
The Bible frowns on drugs and the overuse and dependence on them is overrated.  Drug are not conducive in any way to healing and wholeness of the body or mind and God’s people should not be so gullible and foolish to fall under the temptation to depend on them. (In rare cases, God may allow them  to stabilize a severe health issue, like blood pressure or high  blood sugar),  but we should all approach drugs with great caution and  education about side effects. they may be used We should seek the counsel and wisdom of Holy Spirit for everything and most particularly, our health and well-being.
.
In Galatian 5:20,
pharmakeia: the use of medicine, drugs or spells

Original Word: φαρμακεία, ας, ἡ
Part of Speech: Noun, Feminine
Transliteration: pharmakeia
Phonetic Spelling: (far-mak-i’-ah)
Short Definition: magic, sorcery, enchantment
Definition: magic, sorcery, enchantment.

Most of the time the drugs have more side effects than the condition itself. Sadly, many people don’t care to do their research for natural cures, (or prevention in the first place). Why aren’t physicians teaching patients how to prevent sickness? 
God’s people should ask the question and ponder the manner in which our precious healer, Jesus Yashuah suffered and bore the lashes on his back and body so we could walk in divine healing! His bruising was beyond our comprehension and manuscripts have yet to describe to true  totality of his battered body for our healing and benefit God’s children are already healed and we have the authority to be healed in His name This is another reason I walk with and serve my Lord, so what doctors offer is of little worth or help. Mark and I will have to continue to seek a Holy Spirit-filled doctor who is in touch with Christ and has the right diagnostic equipment to pinpoint  the root cause of this Dystonia.
I’m thankful for my Facebook sister with the gift of discernment who originally pointed me in a good direction. Mold poisoning , (Myco-Toxins)  often mimic neurological disorders, so besides sharing my other blogs about possible causes, I pray this one will help also.

About Daughters


Pre adolecent and adolescent can be fragile  beings, driving their parents and especially fathers almost to the nuthouse. I’m a grown woman now and have weathered many family  tragedies, (including the latest, the death of my beloved Papito and my mother’s sudden plummet into Dementia…all within three months).

Today, I was very fragile and distressed, thinking about how the lack of listening with the heart has led many marriages and families to fragment. I cried out to Father for strength to make sense of the relationships in my life and realized I hadn’t read a wonderful letter from Pastor Jeff Lane, from CTN’s  call in prayer network America’s Prayer Meeting from 12;30 to 3:30 am. One sentience leaped out at me. ” My freind, you have been hurt, mistreated and unfairly judged.”  A torrent of tears burst from my eyes. Pastor Jeff’s letter continued. Blessed are the pure in heart.. in other words, blessed are those whose hearts have been cleansed from the bitterness of the world.

My issue has been being greatly wounded and traumatized by those closest to me or those who are supposed to be  my inner circle. When these are emotionally close-hearted or refused to listen and understand my weakness or person, it can be an area like  an unhealed sore. So Pastor Jeff’s  words were spot on and I asked Father to continually bless and forgive my friends who have unfairly refused to hear me out.

I hadn’t expected to compose a blog today, but  Holy Spirit used this deep, inner hurt to issue to explore this necessity of allowing heart felt communication and understanding to flow, particularity between fathers and daughters. My thoughts went back to challenging times in my father’s life where he didn’t have the support of my mother. He always turned to me, ( as his firstborn daughter). Deep down, he’d wanted his firstborn to be a son and so he never allowed my female gender to stop him from teaching me “male” attributives of leadership, discipline, resourcefulness and high education. I graciously respected and received his  guidance and all, except his insistence that we not express our frailties and emotions.

Having taken many years to heal from Papito’s demand that we never cry, all of my sisters and I paid a heavy price and the results were damaging and devastating in many ways, particularity our serious health issues. As I continue to ask Holy Spirit for the grace and healing, wisdom in understanding the psyche, (in this case, the female adolescent psyche) I hope fathers, (and mothers)  humble themselves in asking  Holy Spirit how to raise confident, androgynous, aspiring  and relaxed young women.

I’m no expert on raising great families or on having the ideal marriage, but I can definitely share what  will weaken or destroy the fiber of a marriage or family.

I’m still sorting out my feelings about my beloved father, Papito Teofilo Ferrer Cepeda, (daddy wore the name of both his mother and father proudly). His mother was a spiritually, disciplined and fiery half Latino-half  Indian who was no-nonsense, educated and taught her children well regarding self-sufficiency and excellence. When her husband, (my grandfather, Valentine) contracted a serious lung ailment, she took on the responsibility of raising nine children on her own and running her farm!

Last year, when I received a phone call from my younger,  physically-challenged sister that we needed to visit daddy in the hospital, I was shocked that yet again, there was a possibility of losing my beloved mentor. As the elevator doors opened to reveal that Mark and I were on the oncology ward of the hospital, my  heart skipped a beat. My mouth dropped open as I saw a skeletal Papito half-covered in his bed. His voice was barely audible as I took my guitar from out of its case to sing his favorite Spanish ballad, Eres Tu. I sang Amazing Grace and then my youngest sister Margarita, entered the room,  holding on to her beaus arm. Like me, she battled a neurological disorder. Hers was MS, (Multiple Sclerosis).  It was surreal, as I asked Mark to pray with my father so I could ask the nurses what was going on with him. A lovely young nurse raved about how charming and non-complaining my father was. She had never seen anyone suffering from such painful throat cancer as Teo! I started to weep, wondering what emotional ghost had brought him to this point. Even now as I write this blog, my prayer is that spouses and families will not make the same mistakes as mine.

Papito’s second wife, my step-mother was not present during my sister and my visit. I couldn’t make sense of the fact that he was in a hospital,  a three-hour driving trip away. I would have preferred for him to have hospice care near all of us girls. I played my father’s two favorite songs at his funeral and though most were moved by my testimony of my relationship with him, I was left with unrequited sorrow and no explanation of why he died the way he did.

Having learned so much the past two decades regarding the relationship between unresolved grief, bitterness and resentment precipitating cancer and other  traumatic conditions, I deduce that spouses and families must allow each other to freely express themselves! When people are faced with a traumatic episode, the shock and grief is assuaged by empathetic and non-judgmental listening  and comforting.I believe most  cases of domestic violence, child abuse and even dysfunctional-strained relationships are  caused by the person not being listened to and understood.

In my father’s case, I beloved he died of a broken heart. My mother was staunchly unsupportive of my father’s dreams and endeavors and my step-mother  had a very strong personality. Daddy preferred to keep the peace because he had developed such a fragile situation with his blood pressure over the years. Any conflict or argument would have sent him to the hospital. So, my father kept his disagreements to himself during his second marriage. I’m sure, his sorrow about his failings as a father during his and mom’s divorce and the inability to  protect his adolescent daughters was an unhealed wound.  I reckon that at least  he may have fondly remembered his dependence on us when all four of us girls helped him renovate the old, dilapidated farm  house on Shafto Road.

Honestly, that wasn’t a memorable time for me as I was suddenly transferred from a wonderful catholic school where I thrived, to a public school where I became the outcast and was bullied daily. I was not allowed to speak about my terror of the three bully girls who made me feel like dirt. I endured many painful things duirng my high school years. My sisters and I did not have the freedom to express any negative things that troubled us and thus we learned to shut up and stuff it. Anyway, what kid has the  permission to voice how miserable they are with a strong or domineering father obsessed by his dream? Many families (and many marriages) today are fragmented and dysfunctional because of lack of honesty and empathy.

Looking back, I want to bravely share my thoughts on reading a diary as a fifteen year old. My love and devotion for my father since being born-again in 1982 has always been endearing and I was shocked to read the many  turbulent and devastated emotions detailed in my journal entries.Two events in particular caused me to be ostracized for the rest of high school.My parents refused to buy me a razor to shave my legs. I was nick-named bear legs by the boys. My father also refused me to wear any blue jeans because he deduced them to be anti-establishment! So I had to wear my corny Catholic school, pleated knee length skirt and loafer shoes. My parents also never came to my defense when a large bully girl accosted me daily because I was of mixed heritage. It took decades for me to shed the skin of being unworthy and insufficient.

All this being shared, I long to see children and adolescents  soaring into their  divine destiny, their parents being well-equipped to empathetically nurture, (and appropriately discipline when needed) their kids. Children do not belong to parents. Parents are temporary stewards of God’s little people, who he is seeking to one day bless their destiny!

If my father were still alive today and asked me to honestly tell him what he could have changed about the way he raised me, this is the letter I would write to him as a grown and healing woman of God:

Dear Daddy!

Words cannot express the gratitude I have for the great things you’ve taught me. Thank you for the special times  I had with you as you taught me all about sign-painting and making silk screen templates for your job. Though I was skinny and had awful hay fever allergies and hating you taking Leslie and I to doctor Pfum to get twelve allergy shots twice a year in my arm, I was able to help you dig holes for the sign posts  Thank you for insisting that I not run the streets after boys because they would get me pregnant. Thank you for playing those amazing Spanish Flamenco albums. My love for all kinds of great music contributed to me being the eclectic and innovative composer I am today.

As a grown woman, I have truly appreciate all of who you are. You are such a charming, highly intelligent and gifted man. Thank you that even while you worked full time as a graphic designer for the US government, you earned your bachelors degree in political science so you could earn a better living for mommy and us girls!

My few regrets about our relationship was that you never allowed me to cry, to complain if I were exhausted. I would have loved for you to take seriously my greif and  shame at being half Puerto-Rican and half German, ( a weirdo and not accepted  as equal by the other kids). I also wished you had appreciated  and supported my talent in sewing, fashion design and creative writing and not say they are useless! Also, please respect that I have my own mind, I am a free spirit, (non-conformist) and  not interested in doing anything rebellious of crazy!  I know you have plans for me, but allow me to make my own choices:)  The  most painful rejection from you was when the two times I needed you most, you reneged.

When I was a boarder in the house of that alcoholic man and his blind wife and he tried to kick down my door and rape me. You said, “Be strong, honey, do the best you can.” You have no idea how that devastated me. And then when my fiance was emotionally stalking and traumatizing me and threatened me with death if I didn’t marry him. You wearily said to me,  “I’m sorry, honey. I can’t help you. I’m a sick man.”

I love you and forgive you and my Heavenly father has made right all the wrongs. I ask you to forgive me for anything I’ve hurt you with and please forgive yourself. Abba God has forgiven you, Papito.

Fathers (and mothers)..Healing and reconciliation comes from  looking deep inside yourself and remembering what you said, how you responded to your daughters cries, complaints and questions! Daughters are very complex and fragile beings, (with all these chemicals and hormonal changes). Please fathers, do your intense research early, before your little girl starts to show her womanhood. Old as I am, i am still my Papito’s little girl. I yearn every day for his hug and his “I love You, Anita.” Every day. I curse that demonic man-made tradition  men don’t cry or don’t your emotions! Pride is a killer and it’s terribly wounded and destroyed many relationships with their children. Thank you for allowing me to share about my relationship with my dear father and may you learn from his and my mistakes and help heal your relationship with your princess today!

Heavenly father, thank you for your unmerited and abundant wisdom which we have avail…if we humbly ask. Let there be healing in the fathers and daughters who read this testimony. Lord, help father to build bridges of compassion, tenderness and wisdom as they raise up, confident, trusting and joyous daughters. It’s not shameful for dads to make mistakes, but the three words, “I am Sorry” heals a multitudes of bitterness, resentment, shame and unforgiveness strongholds which could take decades to uproot in our daughters. From this day forward, Father, help us daughters to also appreciate our fathers and honor them so that our lives are long and prosperous. In Jesus name, amen

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