Journal Entry, May 8, 2010
The gown in the window of “Elegant Alternative” bridal shop caught my eyes, at a canary yellow confection that made me stop in my tracks. I inched closer to take a better look. My fried flounder at next door’s MR Shrimp would have to wait. Slightly in back of the featured yellow gown was another glorious gown of white with sweeping turquoise & lime green swirls and flowers outlined in matching sequins. I imagined myself sitting at a sewing machine whipping up one of these for myself and as an internationally known and loved fashion designer.
I took a fifteen minute meal break from my back-breaking job delivering telephone books. As a fifteen year old with aspirations of designing outrageously glitzy gowns for Cher, I never would have imagined I’d be battling horrendous traffic to the loading dock and then spending the day dragging phone books up and down hills with my hand cart in Shark River Hills, Neptune, NJ.
A far cry from a glamorous life sewing in a beautiful downtown Manhattan showroom and having the upper echelon of wealthy rock stars, models and actresses hurrying to make appointments to see my collection and buy! Each latest design would be featured in the top Fifth Avenue fashion publications. Over the years, one or two opportunities came my way, but because of so many oppositions and mishaps facing me, all fell through. Like Joseph languishing in prison, professionals, (Christian and non-Christian) in my desired fields of music and fashion all forgot about me. Over many years, I struggled greatly with depression, wondering why God never allowed me to be internationally known.
When overwhelmed and tired from the physical strain of my job, I’m often tempted to regret and mourn about what could have been. I know the enemy is constantly directing our thoughts to the past, hurts and mistakes. But I know that God has planned my life and is orchestrating circumstances for His glory! I don’t always remember, But I know that praising Him and thanking Him for all circumstances keeps me close to Him and in His will. I can’t blame God for old unwise choices or for fears that stopped me from taking a step of faith. Fear is a great killer of God’s dreams., but He is a God of second chances. Thankfully, when we shirk from a great opportunity because we think we aren’t ready and we lose a chance for a breakthrough, He still has a plan B or C.
My dream may have been to madly pursue a Fashion Design career, but God has already promoted me to a new calling. I’ve accepted and look expectantly and with diligence to the next great thing He’s already ordained. I hope I can encourage others who’s progress and dreams have been thwarted because of fear. It is never too late for God to restore and exalt. We must wait upon Him and then we will soar with wings as eagles.