TOO HEAVENLY-MINDED to Be ANY EARTHLY GOOD


Lamb's Blood on the lintel

https://www.patreon.com/posts/34495723

   So, the world watches with bated breath, the infamous momentum of the dreaded Corona Virus.  Today, I wish  to focus on God’s strategy for us to overcome the  demonic assaults mankind will suffer in the coming years. I will not  delve into the complicated realms of science and the Illuminati’s agenda for mankind, but will focus on Biblical strategies  that Father God has already equipped us with. The Corona Virus is not an invincible foe. Indeed, this  pandemic  could be the catalyst of  a global war on humanity, but God is more than able to equip His beloved Bride, (the remnant who walk in covenant with Him).

     God has blessed us with  devoted and anointed scientists, doctors and health advisers who share their wealth of knowledge and prepare us the coming difficult times.  Sadly, there are very few  who take seriously, (and apply the protocols) because of paranoia and  unsubstantiated mistrust of certain  conspiracy  theory icons.  When you finish reading this blog, I remind you, Don’t shoot the messenger and don’t allow a spirit of offense to blind you. One of my beloved pastors, Augusto Perez, always warns us, Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. As mature, Holy Spirit-filled  children of God, we should be able to assimilate  good information and  discern truth from propaganda. Now, more than ever we need solid information to present to our family, friends, co-workers and neighbors.
          Celeste Solum’s video  explains what is happening environmentally, with our food and supplement system and with our health. She is an author, and former FEMA employee, who chronicles space and earth conditions that trigger the rise and fall of modern & ancient civilizations, calendars, and volatile economies. She is also a student of biblical prophecy. Celeste  urges us to be aware and understand what is going in our environment and take the necessary precautions and protocols.
       I’ve noticed while living in the semi-rural community of Browns Mills, NJ, we’ve observed: 1. most of the trees in our yard are covered by some kind of fungus. There are many stumps  also scattered around our yard, probably due to them dying of this same fungus.  2. Mark noticed  that many Browns Mills residents cars have license plates bearing the disability wheelchair  icon.  3. Our Mirror Lake is contaminated to the point  that fishing isn’t allowed.  4. Any  tap water we leave lying in the sink or our  dishwater basin overnight  starts to smell like sulfur and has a film.  We all should be concerned and watchful to take precautions for the  health of our children and pets.
           My passion and concern for our environment and health  has grown even more ,long after my graduation  with high honors, in the humanities and social studies from from Brookdale College. I share my research with as many as I can, especially those with challenged health and/or disabilities. My research has been confirmed often by many of the great natural heath practitioners, doctors  and scientists such as Dr  Joseph Mercola, Dr Josh Axe,  Dr Dietrich Klinghardt, and  our favorite health ranger, Mike Adams, (who Wikepedia has dubbed a conspiracy theorist and  Genetic literary  Project dubbed Mike as  everyone’s favorite Uber Quack).
            Obviously, many of these websites  do not want he public to be informed and  walking in good health and mental clarity. They want us to be  bed-ridden, disabled and/or mentally zombified. And we,  Children of the Most High God, are not exempt from the physical incapacitations of environmental  agents (GMO,  chem trails, Mercury amalgam fillings, vaccines, fluoridated water) and toxins . Just last year,  several devout Christian prayer warriors lost their battle with Cancer. Another, died at 55 from Wilson’s Disease, (Copper  build-up toxicity, which could have been helped by chelation).  Another  devoted Christian sister, suddenly died in her home at 58.  Weeks after her death, I was told  her dilapidated  mobile home was mold-infested.. I’m sure her diagnosed mold illness was responsible for her female reproductive problems. and monthly hemorrhaging.
         We are all being pummeled  relentlessly by assaults and many of God’s captains and generals  specifically have been targeted because of their  calling and their platform to inform and educate  the people in  defense warfare strategies. Folks, the government is not going to come to our rescue. It is our responsibility to research diligently and ask Holy Spirit’s guidance to thrive.  We are more than able to victor over the Corona virus or any plague that comes our way, just as the Israelites  painted their lintels with the blood of the Lamb (Jesus)  and the death angel passed by,  We are covered by Jesus’ blood.  Some of he more highly anointed healing( ministers are able to maintain divine health, (they rely on Christ’s atoning blood and Communion)  and it is our legal, spiritual  right. Psalm 91 declares the all-sufficiency of  Father Jehovah’s protection from everything, in the natural as well as spiritual realm, but For the most part, many of God’s people are not at that high spiritual level (of faith in Christ’s provision) and need help!  I often  remark that many of us are so heavenly-minded, we are no earthly good! Jesus Himself saw the hungry and weary throngs  need for tangible sustenance and  provided bread  for the people to eat. God’s people need to understand that many of small faith cannot attain the miraculous if they don’t believe it, and so He has provided doctors, scientists and scholars to help.
      If anyone  mocks some of the above mentioned doctors, I must say their protocols and research confirms the efficacy of anti-oxidants for immune health.  I am a living example of God’s grace because of my willingness to learn and apply principles of health,  exercise, pure living,  cleansing and detoxifying. People overcome by Carbon  monoxide poisoning often die or are permanently disabled. Most Lyme Disease and Mercury-metal poisoned people become disabled or die. I’m still standing,  having suffered all these maladies. My battle with Oromandibular-TMJ Dystonia  continues, but with God’s help and guidance,  I will overcome and regain energetic health!  I attribute my productive  life to, diligence and discipline, starting in my  20’s, and my staples have been and continues to be Vitamin C and the anti-oxidants, like E, A, K, B Complex, (as well as other herbs and supplements like, Cats Claw, Echinaccea, Grape seed extract, Beta Glucan, Manuka Honey (royal Jelly) .
          Mike Adams , Health Ranger, gave an informative interview  with Dr. Thomas Levy. who has proven that  Vitamin C is an amazing anti-oxidant. This a a must watch. Take notes and share this blog with friends and family if you wish to keep a strong immune system.
         I hope to continue bringing you all the best videos and articles from the  finest leaders in health and science because I maintain a love affair with people, just as Jesus, our Redeemer and savior has. How can we truly be His disciples if we do not share the Gospel and divine wisdom for our health and Spirit?
            Let us remember the prophet Daniel, who was so beloved by God because of his devout love, service  and obedience. Though carried away with his three Jewish friends into exile  and serving under pagan King Nebuchadnezzar, Daniel ‘s abilities were valuable. He  was highly gifted in the realms of mystical and esoteric  knowledge. How much more are God’s people today, endued with the divine wisdom and understanding from the Holy Spirit. Yes, we have the ability to walk in such high realms of wisdom as we face plagues, economic and environmental distress. The ones who hold the key to God’s heart are the intercessors who are the skeleton of this world. We are responsible to repent and cry out for humanity. How much more would we be ahead of the enemy’s game rather than behind the  eight ball. We should not be praying about past events, but about those approaching.
            I have been  deeply saddened to see that many of Facebook’s (health and Disease) groups have membership exceeding thousands!  I’ve seen very few healing ministers address to their flock invisible and insidious agents like toxic mold,  pesticides, Fungus,  Mercury tooth fillings, root canals, Inflammation, allergies  and Vaccines). Millions of people’s lives are diminished and some miserable because  these ailments are not addressed, thus the body’s are not healed and  and restored. It is time we grab the bull by the horns and take authority over these afflictions and teach the people how to overcome.
           It would also behoove us to take seriously the impending reports, however chilling and outrageous and realize that the Illuminati will go to any extreme to accomplish their demonic, genocidal-infanticide agenda. Maybe those conspiracy theorists know something we don’t? Maybe we need to stop throwing the baby out with the bath water! And maybe we need to get off our heavenly high horse and educate ourselves about medicine, science and our habitat, an amazingly complex world that our heavenly father created.
           And lastly as added by my dear husband, Mark May of recorded history’s actual conspiracies started out as conspiracy theories!

APPROPRIATING YOUR HEALING


I hope this blog will be one of the most revolutionary articles you will ever read and apply to your life.

Last night, I woke up suddenly with a sharp pain in my chest.  I wasn’t sure  what it was, but as I sat up in my bed, it got worse. I was a little alarmed that it was so intense and I called out to Jesus. I rebuked and  called out the spirit of death and infirmity to cease and desist. It was going on 3:30 am. I then got angry and said, “satan, you are NOT taking me out. I shall live and not die and declare the works of the Lord!” Psalm 118: 17. Then, my jaw joints  went violently spastic, almost worse than I’d ever felt before, so now I had to contend with great pain in my joins and in my chest. I lay back down, hoping the pain would subside, but it continued for another hour as well as my mouth opening so wide and closing, opening and closely. It almost drove me nuts. I decided to get out of bed and and watch a healing video.   I found some Sid Roth, It’s Supernatural  miraculous healings video, but a Becky Dovorak video caught my attention. I was just what I needed to hear.

I want to share that I have been part of several amazing networks : Christian Lyme disease, Dystonia, Mercury-Poisoning and Mold Illness groups on Facebook and in little over 6 months, I’ve acquired  valuable information and insight from the facilitators and  many of teh members.  I also have developed a strong passion for anatomy, especially researching the various  body systems which I’ve been afflicted in. It’s bee a  tough battle, starting with Lyme Disease in 1992 to the present, battling Dystonia symptoms and serious neurological and digestive problems. It seems, I’m one of those  who will have to take more aggressive and deliberate steps  to receive my healing. I’ve seen many on the front lines in their ministry and many intercessors who  have been viciously and relentlessly attacked, more so than others.

Mat 11:12 says, …the kingdom of heaven has been subjected to violence, and violent people have been raiding it. NIV translation

It looks like our work is cut out for us, therefore we need to be connected with a strong and authoritative Christian force to overcome to great opposition I would not be alive today where it not for the very  strong matriarchs of faith in my life .

Evangelist-healing t minister, Becky Dvorak says, when we are assaulted by an infirmity, we must combat it with the spoken word of God, with authority and confidence. In Jesus name, I renounce that spirit of death, Cancer,  Lyme Disease,  (whatever your infirmity is) . I command every (declare each constituent : toxic bacteria,, mold spore, metal and mercury debris), vaccine or antibiotic  debris)  lurking inside tissues,  to detach itself from the root. I command every invasive particle  anything that is not of the body Father God created to be removed. I command every tumor, boil or abscess to dry up and never come back.
I release the spirit of Life to flow into my body and i take captive every opposing  I command my cells to be recreated as Father created them I commend neurotransmitters and  the proper chemical responses to of my brain and enteric  nervous system to be rightly aligned. .I command the lining of my gut and  all the tissue and enzymes involved in my digestive system also to be healed and restored.  I command my body to detoxify and eliminate efficiently all the toxins and harmful bacteria and  I command the Biofilm  shell to be penetrated and disintegrated so that my body will properly assimilate nutrients and enzymes. I bind and cast the spirit of starvation and malabsorbtion and cast it into the abyss. I command all good bacteria and probiotics to proliferate and
replenish my whole system.

I thank you Jesus, Yashuah our healer, that by your stripes I was healed. It’s already done and you said, Tetelestai, It is Finished,

Some of us may have declared healing scripture over and over , yet see no improvement and maybe even have gotten sicker. There are a few barriers which Minister Becky has identified.  One of them is one of my former strongholds, the orphan spirit which has trouble receiving God’s love and grace. I have fought with a small, demonic voice that says, “you’re not worthy to be healed. You are too evil and dirty to be healed and  God won’t heal you because everyone else is  better than you and they deserve it more because you re undeserving. If these voices sound familiar, you need to start understanding and appropriate your righteousness in Christ   and that you are worthy because He has adopted you into His family!  I strongly suggest you find an anointed prayer partner to stand with you as you walk into your divine healing, whether it be progressive or instantaneous.

There are other barriers to healing which the late Pastor Derrick Prince identifies in his videos.  Precious Brother or sister, may you  forge forward in 202 with Healing!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Anointing Breaks the Yoke


While  seeking t teaching series from one of my  Pastors, Augusta Perez, Appearance Ministries, on the YouTube channel, my eyes happened on the row of recommended videos. My eyes caught the vision of a man with deformed lips and I had to see his story.

Within the first 10 minutes, I was moved to compassion about the  daunting, yet powerful journey of Alex Lewis. I know it is no coincidence that I’m compelled to follow  God;’s leaning to compose another blog.  Far into Alex’s story, I am amazed by his fortitude, courage and determination not to succumb to suicide or curse God. This precious man’s story encourages me in my own daunting health journey from mercury poisoning and TMJ-Dystonia from an improperly removed amalgam filling 12 years ago, (2007).

The more I witness his companion’s strength and devotion to him in all  his stages of surgery, uncertainty and difficulty, the more I  cherish how God has been all too gracious to me. Although my journey into the minority of “special needs” adults doesn’t quite compare to the drastic changes and challenges of Alex, I can all too attest that a catastrophic health condition rocks not only your world, but the world of you companion and children. In Alex’s case, his devoted lady seems never to be resentful, cruel or negligent and manages to juggle the couple’s business and managing Alex’s affairs.

For those who do not live with a disabling condition, ( including me before Dystonia) we often take our life and health for granted. We often complain more than we praise God and we often do not honor and appreciate those around us who are there for us and helping us. In Alex’s case, his  plummet into severe disability caused him to remember who he was before his illness, (a man who drowned his sorrows in alcohol) and he  was grateful for the precious lessons his condition was teaching him.

Even though I wasn’t an ungrateful  or superficial person before my condition, ( I have been serving the precious Lord and Savior of my life since 1982) and y desire has been to become like Him , Never have I had a more grateful heart to God and the ability to focus on the beauty rather than the negative. This is not easy most of the time because of the distracting and often very uncomfortable throat, neck and mouth-jaw seizures, but I’m brought back to God’s reality  aspiring to have a thankful heart.

My condition has caused me to become more patient, more  enduring and accepting of other’s weakness . It has really upped the level of my ability to be empathetic and to really “feel” deeply how others are suffering.  Ministering for many years in New jersey area nursing homes, I was well-acquainted with how the elderly and handicapped suffer isolation, hopelessness and often fear. They do not know if they will live to the next holiday or their birthday., Many find themselves  becoming so disabled, they are bed-ridden. I used to minister to a precious Catholic woman who was so overweight and could only breath with her oxygen tank. She had indomitable courage and often would grab my hand, “Child, come here and let’s bring this to the Lord” she would smile.

I also remember watching one of my dear friends Theo Vrahnos, fall to Wilson’s Disease.  The handsome, long-haired, drum maestro and football star was bed-ridden for many months and lost the ability to speak clearly.  Along the way, I saw the health of many confidants and musician friends completely collapse and change their lives forever.

The usual response when we see friends and loved ones’ health fail is to became upset and baffled. We don’t know what to say. In my case, my violent twitching made many of my church family uncomfortable and most just don’t want to  make the 50 minute drive to visit me.  I have found that the body of Christ often lack the desire to step into ministering to “special needs”,  housebound or bedridden folks unless they are in their own church.  I totally relate to housebound people and I am desperate to overcome this  condition so I can minister one on one to the elderly and housebound in my community.

I am grateful for this gift of empathy Father God has allowed to hone in me a deep empathy and love for people. In fact, though I rarely have a friendly visit, I compensate by ministering to the precious, suffering Christian Lyme disease brothers and sisters. Since Lyme can be a death sentence, there is nothing more imperative than guiding them into a deeper and more authoritative  prayer life and deeper intimacy with their Heavenly Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit.

Nick Vujicic is one of my mentors and when ever began to feel sorry for myself, I watch his inspiring videos. You and I have nothing to  lose hope about when you see how this passionate and devoted  Christian man approaches life!

 

There are multitudes who are hopeless and many who suddenly take seriously ill and end up in the hospital. Some, like Alex  wake up from their anesthesia and find themselves with amputated limbs and must cope with facing a very different and very challenged existence.  Everyday , thousands receive a Cancer, MS or heart failure diagnosis.  Thousands of our precious servicemen and women commit suicide each day because of  the traumas of war and memories. We have the power to stop satanic attacks. We can come boldly to the heavenly throne room and ask Father to deploy his powerful warring and ministry angels to protect our children, our schools our neighborhoods and our communities. All of the medical and health  atrocities can be minimized by our fervent prayer. That anointing is a shield of protection and a hedge!

u . he only answer is for God’s people, the body of Christ to rise up in authority and plead the blood of Jesus Christ daily, over their family, loved ones, neighborhoods, co-workers and local community. Believe it 1 Satan is alive and well and everyone is under attack.  We (we, God covenant people) are the hedge that protects the enemy from having access and creating chaos, sickness and death.

I hope that after watching Alex and Nick’s stories, you come out with a sense of expectation to became all that God has called you to be.: a powerful prayer warrior with the ability to move mountains and change the landscape of our  health and lives. There are people who collapse and die and there are people who triumph and bring hope to others who re lost and suffering.  The substance which sustains and empowers  Champions is dependence on the supernatural strength of our mighty supernatural Jehovah God!  Nick and I know the secret of power,  spiritual influence and transformation. The power of God is revealed in us as the precious anointing. When we abide  intimately in him, we are endued with all might, power, authority and hope.

If you are incapacitated, suicidal or dying and you wish to have this living hope, please  declare in faith the Salvation prayer:

Heavenly Father, thank you for your son Jesus, the Christ.  Please forgive me for my sins and iniquities and wash me clean, Jesus in your precious blood.  I ask you to be my Lord and Savior today and I wish to serve you for the rest of my life. I am yours forever and I thank you Father for the forgiveness of sins, in Jesus name I pray, amen.

THE DOOR


Jesus at the door

       We buried my mother, Helga, this past Saturday at Ely Funeral home, Neptune, NJ.  She passed away at her abode, Concord   Rehabilitation center, June 25, 2019 from over four years of Dementia symptoms  It became harder and harder to see my mother so diminish each time my husband, Mark and I visited her. Tears would start to well in my eyes and I had stop and take a deep breath, aching Holy Spirit to strengthen me. My anointed Taylor guitar in hand and Father’s ministering angels surrounding  us in her room, I started to sing beloved healing hymns of faith.  As I leaned heavily on Jesus, I felt peace come over me and started to prophecy in song about mom’s deliverance, healing and  emancipation from the foreboding WWII and Nazi memories of Germany. For too long those ghosts smothered my mother and Mark and I were not about to let her go into eternity without Christ’s covering.

It was  a devastating burden to to see  vicious and merciless Dementia rob my mother of her mind and body. When I received the call from my mother’s social worker and I shared the news with my closest intercessor sisters , I immediately felt strengthened as they spoke courage, strength and peace over my three sisters and I.

     Mom’s burial was a very private affair with only my 2 sisters, my aunt, cousin, niece and a handful of long-time family friends.         

THE DOOR        

Our gathering here today is not only to pay last respects and bid farewell to my mother, Helga Stenzil Ferrer, but also to give credence and glory to Almighty God for the opportunity to enter the door of eternal life and salvation in Christ Yashuah.  I wish to share with you the channels, starting from my girlhood to my mother’s passing, and how it can affect your life today and your own eternal destiny.

I discovered as a teenager that I was a non‑conformist. Never one to embrace legalistic tradition and religion, my spiritual probing always brought me to the edges of radical faith. A deeply introspective and sensitive girl, I found it hard to connect with both of my parents. I kept a diary where I was able to explore my thoughts without condemnation and ponder what my life would be if my family lived peacefully and lovingly with each other.

The day after mom’s death, a dam of countless sorrowful and unresolved events spewed forth, in particular the senseless way both my father and mother died. I’m sure some of you may have felt the weight upon the loss of a cherished loved one. You found yourself suddenly thrown into the reality of burial and funeral details. Mark and I have had our share of funerals and the burying of beloved pets. The recent loss of our beloved Tabby, Bikini drew me directly into God’s perspective, a divine revelation about the brevity of life. From this revelation came my blog, Teach Us to Number Our Days, Moses Psalm 90. How accurately Moses portrayed the brevity of our lives as he cried to God for wisdom to live life intimately with God.

And so, as I prepare for my Mother’s farewell and grieve for what could have been, God impresses me to meditate on John 10:9.  Jesus said “I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and go in and out and find pasture”.

We’ve all heard about stories of girls and women caught in terrible events and left vulnerable and exposed. My mother, my sisters and I, (as well as innumerable girls and young women worldwide) bear the scars of rejection, abandonment and abuse‑neglect.  I’ve encountered many women in crisis during my mentoring tenure at Love Inc ,Christian non-profit ministry and understand their feelings of fear, isolation and hopelessness. Without a safe haven, and stability, there is no way to survive and move forward.  There were no doors of safety open for these victims. Statistics rise regarding suicides, nervous breakdowns domestic abuse and/or murder by husband. I am one of the blessed ones who had the sense to use the shreds of sense I had left, (after so many traumatic events) to make the wisest choice I could ever make …to ask for and enter Jesus door!

If only my mother Helga had the joy and relief to enter Jesus’ door. Difficulties abounded for her to the very end, but Mark and I are humbled and grateful to have the privilege of ministering to her through intercession and remission of her sins. We trusted that Father God, in His mercy would redeem her soul. We cried, asking Father to deploy battalions off warring and ministry angels to shatter the demonic bondage that threatened to keep her from eternal life in heaven. We believe Father heard our earnest supplication, for our battle for our loved ones souls is not tangible and earthly, but a spiritual battle. Eph 6:12

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life” and there is no way we can ever enter heaven without his shed blood as our redemption. Mark and I know that we (and all persons) ,will give an account of our words and deeds during our lives. At the Bema (judgement) seat, Christ will be our judge. At the White Throne judgement, those who refused to accept and live for Christ will be judged and cast into hell for eternity.

Some may protest. “I’ve never killed anyone or robbed a bank”. But I tell you, none can enter Christ’s door, neither by the Catholic sacraments of baptism, confession or the Eucharist. You cannot enter His door through your good works, charitable donations and the sign of the cross, nor attending Bible studies or even reading the Bible.  Our very words and actions bear witness to whether we bear good fruits or evil fruits. Life and death is in the power of our tongues and our words set the atmosphere of our lives   and even affects those near and distant! Rest assured, we will give an account, 2 Cor 5:10

Galatians 5:22 clearly lists the beautiful and gracious fruits of the spirit, love joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self‑control. And of cruse, Galatians 5:19 describes the bad as sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft,, hared, discord, jealousy,, fits of range, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy and drunkenness. And let us not forget Jesus commandment of forgiveness in the Our Father prayer. The sin of unforgiveness opens the demonic door to strongholds of resentment and bitterness which has destroyed many marriages and families. Be of good cheer, for the nitty‑gritty sins and strongholds of our souls and family bloodlines have already been cleansed when we appropriate Christ’s, blood to our lives and families. Christ is the all‑sufficient sacrifice for our lives, health and wellness.

Jesus Christ, Yashuah HaMashiach, is the only way the truth and the life. He is also the resurrections, the bread and the door. If curses, bad fortune and sorrow has been a part of your life, bring them to the cross and ask Christ into your life to cleanse and redeem you from your past and your families’ tainted bloodlines. That door to  supernatural healing and peace is available right now today, if you ask Him!

FELLING the GIANT, Pt 2


 

 

 

 

In my Felling the Giant post (Pt 1), I gave instruction, advice and suggestions for healing and support of the  physical man. When I first was diagnosed with Lynne in 1992, it was a frightening death sentence because I’d heard that people became disabled and even died.  Disability was not an option for me because God had already ordained me to participate and fulfill leadership roles in many social-outreach  capacities.  Seeing so many manifestations of His miraculous provision and healing, I refuse to believe the lies and doctors reports that I would be one of the Lyme Statistics, disabled and non-productive.

On Saturday, our usual Sabbath of rest, I participate on our intercessors conference call, but today, I felt a strong impression to research the topic of transferring of spirits .During our conference line meetings, some of the fellow prayer warriors shared their frustrations of family and relatives  emotional state very strongly influencing the atmosphere . I sought a pastors teaching on YouTube and found one from Omega Man radio. Pastor Ivory Hopkins was teaching about the transference of spirits. He kept reiterating that Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Prov. 18:21

Now, most of us are all too familiar with this verse and have declared it many times, but today, I believe I received a revelation of how all-encompassing this verse is to our perspective of victorious living.  A mature child of God,  walking fully in his glorious identity will testify of the relevancy of his tongue fruits influence both in the physical realm, but especially in the spiritual.

I used the be the Murphy’s Law girl,  “that anything that can go wrong will go wrong..” That it was . All kinds of crazy and difficult things happened to me til after I  accepted Christ in 1983. Then, I became a new creation! 2 Cor 5:17. So, I no longer declared, nor did I act as I did, a reprobate who was a walking curse.. Now, I did have to appropriate that new identity in Christ because even though my sins were forgiven and cleansed through Christ’s sacrificial blood, our nemesis  Satan, (the accuser), still could dictate to my life that I was still a sinner and unclean. Remember! We are now the righteousness of Christ.  2 Cor.  5:21

If we are a new creation, than we must stop speaking death and lack over our lives. I am sick. I am getting worse. The doctor’s report says i have stage 4 Cancer.  I Can’t do this. I’m a failure. These declarations and many others we often say even without realizing their power are contrary to what God says we are and can do.

Life and death is in the power of the tongue.  Here are the definitions of power according to the dictionary.

  1.  the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality.

    2. the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events. 

  1. supply (a device) with mechanical or electrical energy.
    2. move or travel with great speed or force.

So we see power is a word of force and great action!

Pastor Ivory shared a powerful sermon on the spies who were sent out to spy the land and only two,  Joshua and Caleb, ( who in fact had different spirits)  and had a declaration that was pleasing to God.

  “And Caleb stilled the people before Moses, and said, Let us go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it.” Num 13:30 

Whose report do we believe and declare….God’s or the doctors.? Or our parents, classmates, spouses, bosses’ co-workers, neighbors.? It is time we walk as the Kings and Priests our Heavenly Father has called us and (adopted  us) into. We are called out of darkness into His marvelous light. That is something we should be excited about and share with others through our testimony!

Satan has approached, (and continues to do so) the altars of the Holy courtroom a myriad of times with the other sons of God to  accuse, lie and challenge God about our reputation.. Many of us have no idea what happens in the spiritual realm.  The real battle is in the spiritual realm and can only be fought with spiritual armament.  My blog, Prayer, The Double-Edged Sword, is a powerful study on the superiority and power of prayer infused with God’s living word! I beat Lyme Disease, Carbon Monoxide Poisoning as well as clinical depression and  Bulemia. The past 12 years I am battling a war against this neurological disorder, Dystonia and I will win!

We, (my fellow brethren on the Facebook Christian Lyme Disease groups and the Facebook Dystonia groups) often  share tour frustrations and deep grief about tour debilitating symptoms, the medications  (that often don’t offer relief)  that have to be taken, and the isolation and strained family relationships we endure. I give Glory to Father God that he has been my Jehovah Jireh (Provider) who sees my need for family, friendship and fellowship and has blessed me with a handful of precious prayer warriors who have filled that need for prayer, support and understanding.  God is also my Jehovah Raphha, (my healer) and as He as supplied me with the spiritual endurance, faith and hope (expectation of my healing), even though expectancy is one of my weaker issues.  If I relentlessly pursue His face and presence with confident declaration of His word, I will also beat this staggering giant!

How do I fell this giant, Dystonia?  And how do you  fell your Lyme, Cancer, Autism,  Diabetes, COPD, etc? Many of you opt for Disability or every treatment the doctor orders. That is your option.  Isn’t God good to allow us free choice to make our own destiny? But for me and my house we will serve the Lord and His word says :

 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord. Psalm 118:17

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God  prepared in advance for us to do. Eph.  2:10 NLT

Of course God can use the bed-ridden and the wheelchair-bound. Look how He has gloriously used Joni Earekson Tada! But I prefer to be on my feet and energetic and I will beat this Dystonia and fulfill  the greatest things Father has ordained for me which are written in my book of Life. It really is up to me.  I have my daily declarations which I declare out loud, particularly,

And I overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of my testimony; and I loved no my lives unto the death.   Rev. 12:11

AS a closing note, I wish to remind you that satan is so cunning, having had eons to study us.  He uses every trick in the book and will use every option, open door, deeply-obscured generational iniquity from our distant  ancestors  or toe-hold to   diminish  our kingdom service, spiritual and physical well-being. I was surprised to hear of Pastor Ivory sharing the story of a cheating  husband. Because of his  adultery, satan was able to gain access and attack the wife. The Bible says that the two become one flesh, so though unfair, Satan will and does attacks us through the disobedience or sin of our spouse, children or dead relatives, (ungodly soul-ties).

There are unseen aspects and barriers to our healing which we will have to diligently seek and ask Holy Spirit to lead us to a anointed deliverance counselor.  I believe many stubborn cases of non healing is due to ancestral generational curses and/or witchcraft attacks. Pastor derrik Prince gave an excellent teaches of barriers to our healing. It would behoove us to listen, learn, pray and apply powerful principles to our daily walking (and soaring) with Christ!

 

 

 

Prayer: Heavenly Father, Thank you for Your precious Son, Yashuah Jesus, who already paid the penalty  for our healing and sins on the cross. Tetelestai, He said it is finished! We ask Holy Spirit that you lead us into all revelation,  understanding  and wisdom of  things unseen, so we can walk in freedom and victory. We thank you for your deliverance, In Jesus name, amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TEACH US TO NUMBER OUR DAYS



bikini and white wicker chair

Journal Entry, October 1, 2018

A usual day, making my usual cup of Hazlenut coffee. But today I am eagerly waiting to see about the recovery of the baby squirrel I brought home yesterday.  I noticed a note from my husband, right next to the coffee maker. Mark usually didn’t leave me notes unless it was important or for me to do an errrand for him. He was  as concerend for the baby suqirrel as I was that she be hydrated and fed. The note said, “Honey bun, the baby suqirrel did not make it”.

I burst into tears and rusheed to the bedroom, in hopes that perhapos the baby squirrel was still asleep. She indeed had died during the night. Her eyes were partially closed and she looked so peaceful.  AS I stared at her tiny body and beautiful bushy tail,  I wondered why Father God did not choose to restore her. I had only known her a day and a half, but I was grieving as if she were a pet. I suddenly felt felt disturbed and nauseous.

3 kitties in a basket2
Just a short day and a half ago, I was enjoying the beautiful Indian summer Sunday afternoon on my scooter. My favorite place to roll down an incline was at a vacated building which used to be a bank. I was riding uphill on the driveway and a tiny baby squirrel stopped in in front of me, in the middle of the driveway. She was moving very slow and I got closer to take a look. She stared at me then stopped, as if she was too weak to walk. She then looked at me and gave a long sorrowful squeal as if to say, “Help me”. I melted. Then I watched her struggle to stand. She steadied herself and slowly walked to a grassy area where she lay down. Immediately a swarm of flies settled on her soft coat. I became angry that they were so greedy they couldn’t wait for her to die before laying larva to eat her. I scootered home as quickly as I could, praying that she would not die on me before I came back for her.

When I came back with the truck, she was laying on her side with those wretched flies all over her. I managed to scoop her up into a plastic tray. When I got her home, she was not afraid of me. I gave her a little water with an eye dropper and mixed some wet cat food. She didn’t even struggle or fight me. When I retired for the night, I believed when would be more chipper when I awoke the next morning to attend her.
The next morning, Mark was anxious to see Bitty, the baby squirrel I told him about. He also was smitten by her and mentioned that when she recovered she would join the other squirrels that frequented our back yard. I remembered the time I rescued to white ferret while on the way home from a recording session. It was a very dark night, but I was able to make out a small white creature rolling out from under the car ahead of me. I stopped my car to see if the animal survived and found it was a white ferret. There was no blood but I could tell she was terrified. I went to my car and grabbed a music stand and crate and was able to scoop her into the crate. When I got her home, she was relaxed and ended up adjusting beautifully to Mark and the other five cats. Ghost became a loved member of our family.

Fast Forward two days Later
Bitty’s demise made me feel disconnected and empty. I knew from experience that dying pets always made me fall into lengthy periods of nonproductively and since I was part of an intercessory prayer group, I had to stay somewhat sharp. The Bible was always my source of strength when I lost pets and my eyes fell on Moses .Psalm 90. Verse 12 always made me stop and ponder the concept of numbering our days. I wondered why Father didn’t choose to revive Bitty, our any of the precious cats who comforted me over the years. I’ve been walking with the Lord since 1983 and have come a long way in my perception and experiencing God. Today, the truth and reality of the brevity of life is crystal clear.

Bitty SQUIRREL

Whether in joy, celebration, soberness or accepting death, God is still God and His strength is made perfect in the fragility of our grieving.  Intimacy with Him is the only way we can address great losses in our lives and move forward in strength and purpose. For me and all those who passionately seek Jehovah God, the Eternal One and His son, Jesus the Christ, Life in Him is the only life worth living.

Bitty’s rescue and death reminded me of our life, friendships and existence, ever-changing., and sometimes ending.  As a journalist, I ask my heavenly Father to use my gifts, (both tragedies and triumphs) to guide, encourage and empower those He sends my way. How I desire to express my emotions, perceptions and responses through His divine perspective. One of the most precious attributes He tempers is compassion and tenderness. Mark remarked to me how he was moved to see me so gently try to nourish Bitty.

Bikini Dies, October 3, 2018
Two days after Bitty’s death and ready to greet another day,  Mark leaft me another note on the kitchen counter. This note said that he was taking Bikini, our long-haired, gentle tan and grey tabby, to the vet. While my coffee was brewing , I called him at work to see how Bikini made out. A  long pause, “Kini’s gone,”  he said softly. I burst out crying.

Mark described his dismal morning.  Our other cat, a male,  Tiny, was meowing despairingly  in the laundry room,. He found Bikini laying on the tile floor, convulsing in a pool of her urine. Alarmed, he took her to the car, in hopes of taking her to the vet near his job. When he arrived at the vets, two female attendants were there, but they weren’t allowed to open the door and let Mark in with Bikini. One, took one look at Bikini and said, “It’s too late. She’s clearly on the way out” It was about 5:30 am when Bikin expired. I was sobbing loudly as Mark described driving to work with Bikini dead on the passenger seat.

The rest of the day,   I was nuaseous and sorrowful.. This was getting to be too much with losing three friends just last month. My daily battle with my condition and the incessant pulling of my Platysma and SCM muscles in my throat made my life all the more taxing. Every trauma took a lot out of me. The recent nights were terrible also as I’d be woken up several times during the night.  The stress of mourning Bitty’s and Bikin’s death didn’t help  my muscles. II was unable to  get REM sleep for hours.  I desperately needed a break.

I went out into the yard to rake leaves to vent my grief and called one of the matron intercessors from our prayer group. She had recently lost and was grieving over her beloved dog, Holly, so I knew I could confide in her about losing my sweet Bikini. Pastor Pam and I prayed and her prayer gave me comfort. She shared that God reminded her not to drown in her mourning and focus on moving forward. I then called another dear spiritual sister, Sandra, who was also all too familiar with losing her beloved cat right around the time she lost her mother. It was so grateful to be able to share my burden. I thought about Job crying out with the terrible news of losing all his children.

Bikini was with for about 12 years and was the subject of many beautiful photographs that I will cherish. Bikini’s meek and tender personality was unlike some other cats, who growled or scratched out if provoked or if their food bowl was threatened. Just last week, Bikini’ became more attached to me and would sit in the middle of the kitchen floor and stare up at me while I cooked our meals. Mark took Bikin’s death especially hard, blaming himself that he didn’t have her checked earlier. I assured him that Bikini died of Cancer and her symptoms were similar to my beloved white calico, Baby-Baby. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but blessed be the name of the Lord. My comfort during the loss of a beloved loved on or pet is that one day we will see Jesus face to face. My scripture verse of great comfort is Revelation 21:4

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Those of us who have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior will be reunited with our loved ones and I believe our beloved pets. Oh, the joys of our covenant relationship with our Heavenly Father. We will enjoy the glorious blessings of eternity in Heaven in a glorified body where there is no decay, accidents, sin or death. I pray, my friend that you too will invite Christ into your heart and life. So you can be assured of reuniting with your loved ones.

NEAR to the BROKEN-HEARTED


stc-l-kgmonarch-0802-03

The weight was becoming so crushing that Barbara could barely  breath

I got off of my tread mill, at the telephones’ ringing and heard my precious sister Barbara’s voice, weak with grief.  She was grieving for her son, Adam and it was a very difficult time for her. I was grateful to be  available for her and listened as she poured out her heart to me. Feelings of protectiveness came over me like a mother bear seeing her cub being threatened.  I knew the enmey was trying to drag her backwards into the depths of bondage.  I waited for Holy Spirit to download instruction on how to minister to her.

I felt a very heavy burden of anguish and then I asked her to rest and be still because I was going to release a song over her. The inspiration of lyrics came to me the past Saturday because of a burden for my three younger sisters who were are battling weights from their past. As I was checking my emails, I saw a dear prophetic brother who wrote that Holy Spirit had told him I was going to write another song. I grabbed my pen and within 5 minutes I wrote  “Enter My Rest” Holy Spirit reminded me  of  Hebrews 4:11Let us therefore strive to enter into His rest.

I could feel a spiritual tug of war going on with Barbra, but I told her I felt to sing Shalom over her. the new song,  Enter my Rest and Beautiful Daughter. Holy Spirit was showing me that Abba wanted her to  let go of all the weights..and rest in him. Then He showed me a performance anxiety spirit was pulling her. So we prayed together against the spirit.    I saw that we indeed were in a tug of war. Yashuah Jesus, Barbara and I were on one side of the  rope and the  demonic spirits at the other end. We continued to pray and we took authority over the spirits. .

As we were waging warfare,  standing firm, we felt the noose was loosening. Barbara prayed and then started singing Hallelujah, we sing hallelujah. I joined in and we were singeing prophetically.

hallelujah. We sing hallelujah,  We sing hallelujah to our King

You release us to the skies, cause we are butterflies.

We are soaring into glory.. He releases us into the skies

We soar on weightless wings and look into our Father eyes,

All of a sudden, Barbara laughed and she was light with exhilaration. Father helped her to break through. It was so delightful, she suddenly burst out that she saw a vision of millions of Monarch butterflies being released. WOW! was all I could say!

Truly, Barbara’s received a glorious breakthrough and fresh  anointing of her ability to see visions. We were enthralled at the fresh unction of confidence and strength Father had given her and we marveled at how Father is so near His children when they are broken-hearted.

During my prayer over Barbara, I also  reminded her  that Yashuah had already set a banquet table for us to dine on His exquisite delicacies of mercy and grace, among many others.  Though He invites us and often we come in shabby clothes and   broken as paupers, he garbs us in  pure white wedding gowns, spotless in His blood.  Sister Barbara and all my precious brothers and sisters, let us fall back into His hammock of love after you have confessed your sins and weaknesses! Release and rest!

“Enter My Rest” Holy Spirit reminds us in  Hebrews 4:11.  Let us therefore strive to enter into His rest. For some of us, we may need to ask God’s help to discipline ourselves from the stringent bondage of work and striving. God is faithful..He hears our cries and will surely help!

THE FELLOWSHIP OF SUFFERING


DSCN3556 John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Journal Entry, March3, 2017

My quest to find answers to the tormenting mystery of the JAW-mouth Dystonia continues. Each hour, I continue to rely heavily on Father giving me the strength to endure, uncomplainingly. My seasonal job, delivering telephone books door-to-door, started last week and my body is weary. from the windy-cold and the physical exertion.  Unlike  several years ago, when I bitterly complained to Father that I should be on tour with my incredible band. I told him, how hard it was to have do such humbling work when He had blessed me with such talent. And then the added grief of being misunderstood, alienated from wonderful fellowship and dealing with a tormentically distracting movement disorder was more than any human to bear. Even now, the pain in my (now also)  left jaw is painful and  I can barely stand to do anything. The past nine years of this  horrendous disorder (and the thought that there is no reversal for the damaged joints should cause me to sink into utter depression). Honestly, it has been lonely beyond belief and at times, I deem my small music-compassionate outreach, Brave Flame Productions-Outreach a thankless job, (at times). I am a very social person and  cherish the camaraderie of friends and loved ones being emotionally and spiritually connected with me.

Nevertheless, I realize that this ongoing suffering has brought about great change in my spiritual outlook and Father’s glorious workmanship in my life. This realization had brought me to create my 5 part-series journalism-color photographs and devotional series, ARISE FROM YOUR GRAVE. It has also compelled me to record and produce songs for two concurrent albums, a prophetic rock , Mod Prophet and a worship album, The Anointing, (His presence). One would expect that the result would be a publishing book deal and distribution or at least interest in the recorded works.  My book series still await  publication and my albums are still incomplete.

I wait upon the Lord, for He will renew my strength. What strength? For any passionately creative person in the midst of projects, there’s always the hope of success and renown. For the child of God, renown would be being sought after for the expertise of the skill. There is dealing with the disappointment of struggling financially and/or having few customers-patrons. So, I tell Father, more than anything… I wish to be in His perfect will.

This prayer brought me to place and realization of the precious treasure of His presence and company. In this quiet place of seeking Him above even success in my creative endeavors, He shows me what he truly values as spiritual wealth and abundance.

Each morning, as I arise to consciousness, I’ve disciplined my spirit to mediate on several verses. I have had to train myself because the left jaw is so violently  spastic that I awoke several times during the night in great pain. I didn’t want to succumb to anger or bitterness as I had with my past Lyme Disease battle in 1992.

Psalm 19:14

14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

Once awake, I ask Holy Spirit to order my steps and  focus me on what scripture He wants me to meditate on.  During the next hour, He will show me someone who needs a prayerful phone call, a hand-made card or care package. Yesterday, a Christian sister’s name popped into my spirit. I said, “Okay Abba, I will call Jackie, (not her real name)”

sisters-comforting

When .I called Jackie, she replied, “That is amazing, Anita. I was thinking of you just yesterday and i was going to call you.” She asked me how I was doing with my jaw-mouth situation and I immediately gave her details of how I thought I was stopping my own healing. I slipped more often than I’d liked, saying  things like, day , “I can’t do that because of this disabling TMJ-Dystionia.” Lately, I was at least catching myself in mid sentence and repenting and saying, I am healed.” Jackie  admitted she was also speaking sickness over herself., her lungs and poor breathing. Jackie’s lungs had deteriorated so bad in the past year that she was on oxygen all day! I was thankful, that though my jaw-throat situation was very painful and distracting, at least I could drive and walk around freely. Jackie then confessed that during her seeking prayer to God about her suffering, she had deep, unresolved grief about her childhood and past.

I was astounded hen she mentioned her deep grief because i  was presently getting victory over my own many losses by reading a wonderful deliverance book, Pray Through It  by Rob Morrisette. The author was very detailed about the traumas and strongholds of his counselees and I was getting freer and freer reading about the victorious testimonies of the people.  Rob’s counseling manner was very detailed and he stressed bringing every painful incident to God in prayer and asking for healing. Jackie was very excited and wrote down the name of the book. I also shared with her about my joy of participating on the conference telephone line several hours each day with passionate prayer warriors across our nation. I told her how strengthened I was in their company and the powerful anointing of their prayers. She admitted to feeling judged around other brethren  and I felt she was constrained by a spirit of unworthiness. Jackie also took down the conference prayer call number and I prayed with her.

At the end of our discourse, Jackie was in tears and prayed for me. She thanked God for me being obedient God had put me on her heart the day before, but she didn’t call and was grateful that I was spiritually sensitive. I was deeply humbled and broken that Father was so gracious to even use me in such a way..to build up and strengthen my precious sister who  said she felt she was backslidden!

This call was a confirmation that I was  right where Father wanted me to be, sitting in his love and waiting for direction. My direction happens to be the gift of edifying, building up my brothers and sisters who feel broken  weak and unworthy.  Father is not so concerned about my creative endeavors, (however God-inspired they are) but about developing intuitiveness to the needs and brokenness of my brethren. In order to have sensitivity to ascertain that my brother and sister needs tenderness, encouragement or a tangible need, (such as rent money or groceries), I need to stay deeply connected and deeply compassionate, however rough or irresponsible they may seem. I’ve desperately longed for patience, long-suffering and understanding about my weird  movement (with loud voice) disorder and have often been judged harshly and misunderstood. But Father has used these painful times so I can learn long-suffering and kindness.  Separating myself unto Him and worshiping with a thankful heart has borough me to precious places of surrender, where I can give out of a pure heart. Though my physical reserves, (my energy) seem limited, my capacity to  love has so increased. Father is nurturing my capacity to love deeper than a surface level. If I encounter relationships were a brethren seems difficult, a nuisance or unpleasant to be around, I ask Father to remind me that there may be deeply-rooted generational issues or traumas from childhood and up.

The Pray It Through, book  has been eye-opening resource to delve deeply into the hearts of my brothers and sisters and where Father can groom me to love, not just in word and deed, but true empathy! I believe this is what causes strife and rejection in the body. We say we love  (and pray for) our brother or sister from afar, yet we will not come forth in honesty and reason at the table with them and our Heavenly Father.

I pray that my brothers and sisters take a deeper look at their season of suffering and submit it to our Abba. He will show us how he is breaking down ideologies of tradition, religion and even relationships, (as the secular arena perceives them). Our ways are not God’s ways and our thoughts are not His. He uses the weak, broken , ugly things, and even small, insignificant (according to the world’s standards) ministries.

He has made everything beautiful in His time. Ecc 3:11

When mega-churches and mega-ministries crumble at His glorious appearance because they did not minister to the orphans, widows and  foreigner, those ministries build on His compassion will thrive and be the lighthouse to the nations!

Let us remember that the temporary sufferings and lacks are not worthy to be compared with the glories which await us in heaven! be encouraged my brother and sister! God sees and he is pleased.

I WILL NOT LAY DOWN


DSCN2164

Ministering to elderly and sick nursing homes residents with Pee-Wee.

Note to Readers: My journaling of my battle with Dystonia-TMJ is to bring awareness to friends l loved ones in the hopes of giving more help, compassion and understanding to our deficiencies. I also hope doctors and medical personnel can understand the various areas of our lives that are restricted  and inhibit by inability to administer to our former duties, responsibilities and personal creative endeavors.  These journal entries and (medical personnel involved) . Our symptoms may even affect our judgement and/or mental-emotional prowess before we  had our condition. The utmost patience and compassion is needed for us to be contributors to our father’s kingdom. May our prayers, not just  for Dystonia, Alzheimer, Dementia ( or any other victim of a health disorder,)  not just be for our immediate healing, (so we don’t have to be inconvenienced) but to teach us patience and forbearance.

Journal Entry,  July 5, 2016

Just woke up to another overcast day, promising more rain. I don’t complain because many states are in a water crisis. My vegetable garden is flourishing, but the barometer and humidity has wrecked havoc with my jaw joints. When atmospheric pressure changes,  my neck muscles, nerves and jaws go berserk, making it almost impossible to accomplish any thing with merit. It’s going on two weeks trying to get together two of my best story to send to Guidepost inspirational magazine. I’m also waiting to get motivated to send m art package to a greeting card company here in Paterson, NJ.

Each day is different in this season of TMJ Dystonia in regards to what I’m able to accomplish, but it’s always the same regarding my determination to receive my miracle manifestation of healing. God has still not answered my question regarding what purpose this tormenting condition persists.  At times my flesh reminds me that it’s going on nine years and if God had a great plan for me, how could He be so cruel to allow it to linger and so curtail my vivaciousness and productivity. I remind myself that Abba is a good God and everything He gives is wonderful and needful to His children. One thing I know for sure ..that His ways are perfect and He does know how much I’m suffering. Satan’s plan is always to ambush our minds and barrage us with a continual spray of doubting questions, physical pain and our focus of it.

At times when I have a moment of peace, such as when I’m pulling acorn seedlings in my yard, I feel His gentle presence. Oddly, my muscles rest and my jaw is calm. My jaw and throat also seem to get calmer while I’m focusing on my fine bead work. But mostly, I’m groaning in agony as I press forward, (much like pushing through a tropical impenetrable forest),  through each hour to make it to bedtime. Here is where I rely on Father’s strength each day for sanity! When the neck spasms get so bad that I fall on the floor and writhe in pain, I can’t bare to be alive. Here is where I have to take captive that demonic spirit of suicide, death and insanity. I can’t explain to anyone except someone enduring daily pain on a scale of 8 or nine every waking moment of their lives.

After these many years, I deal with  the grief of losing a good chunk of my life. A dark season of nine years is a lot. I know brother Joseph, in the Bible, had to bear thirteen years of incarceration, but having a agonizing and distracting bodily condition is a whole new ball game. The most painful thing for me is deducing my relationship with Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit. I’ve always believed that valid and thriving  relationship with the Lord had to be true and breath-takingly reverent. My prayer times are anything but reverential  There’s a whole lot of shaking and  jerking going on, hardly my idea of anything pleasing to God!  My focused prayer and devotions to Him are at best , sporadic. (I’m just being transparent with you). I often go in to prayer expecting  the outcome to be detached and superficial because  mostly… I weep through the whole time! Whew. Imagine struggling through your talking to father God?

“Father forgive me for being this way.”

Maybe tomorrow, I will have no more spasms and I can joyfully never and praise him. This is the uncharted waters that the Bible doesn’t address, so I have to contend with disgust of my inability to give Father my best and to even give Him His proper due.

The other devastating thing i that doctors I’ve seen have no idea where to even start for a treatment program. They look at me in surprise and apologize that there is nothing they can do. I’ve been researching and GOOGLING for over six years and have  found only a few doctors who specifically treated Dystonia of the mouth and.or upper cervical area. A girl freind  messaged me a few weeks ago telling me she also was researching my condition and found a  Dr LEE, who has a private practice   in South Korea. Many of his  Dystonia and TMJ patients were getting successful results with his treatments!  I also found a doctor  in  DE who treated TMJ. Unfortunately, they are very few and far in between in NJ and to travel to other states like the doctor in Teaas would be very costly and inconvenient for my husband to take off work. I continue to ask and pray whether father wants me to wait for His divine supernatural creative miracle for my jaw or travel to a  TMJ physician. Father be merciful to us who are suffering.

Dr Lee’s practice and You-Tube link.

July 4th was spent praying for a breakthrough rest with my jaw and neck spasms. The day was already almost half over and I needed to express my love for my Heavenly Father. it was so frustrating, picking up my Taylor and just jerking so wildly, I had to lay down. Uselessness and despair threatened to ruin my day, but finally picked up my guitar anyway and started to sing my favorite energetic hymns, like Onward Christian Soldiers.  Anyway, I am more than a conqueror!

Fast forward today, brought my Bible, a Max Lucado devotional and Jewel’s book, Chasing The Dawn into the bedroom. I prayed that something would awaken my heart and I’d be able to move forward into my day. My eyes fell upon the subtitle of Jewel’s book, Melbourne, Australia. I’ve always dreamed of Australia even as a young girl. Down Under seemed a glorious utopia far away from the chaos and heartache of my present circumstance of my parents plan to divorce. I often dreamed in my bed at night that I would somehow end up there and live a peaceful and creative life!

So Jewel expressed the sensations of her entering the stage to perform her repertoire to her Australian fans. Her writing was so elegant and enticing, making me miss my own performing and composing tenure. I felt a profound sense of loss that I was so far and disconnected to that glorious season of my life. Words cannot describe a performance were the performer “feels” her audience and they feel her. It is an indescribable connection that infuses the artists expression of singing-performing (and doctors have no idea the profound effects that a neurological disorder as Dystonia-TMJ can have on the creativity of a talented singer-composer. This has been a major grief, few realize  the extent of loss when a performing artist is unable to perform (and compose)  at the high level she was used to. I feel less than human and disconnected that this condition has so disrupted the  beautiful overflow of expressing my music-soul.

When I perform before an audience, it’s like I gently fall off a trapeze like a leaf  I lose all sense of the present, of time and the faces that gaze at me.  Father placed me in a I  a divine bubble and I’m floating in His love. Everything around me fades into nothingness and all I’m aware of is the holiness  (and lightness0 of His presence. This has happened several times. Twice, when I sang at dying persons’ deathbed and at a funeral service, where a seer told my husband she saw cherubim dancing joyously around me as I sang my Psalm 91 original. Another recent time, was just last month while singing two of my favorite Hymns His Eye is on the Sparrow and It Is Well at a church concert. . Despite the fact I was miserable and my neck was inflamed with pain and my mouth was  moving violently, I grabbed Father’s hand and took His strength. No one could have been more surprised than me, when everyone stood up and joined me on the heart-rending chorus, It is Well With My Soul. I knew it was God and God alone who carried me through the song.

10-17-2012-205THE VOICE of an ANGEL

A girl, her voice and Guitar, Proclaiming the Love of Christ!

This dark season I’m immersed in is complicated, daunting and bizarre with its untold repercussions. I can’t bare to be seen in public because of the embarrassing facial grimaces and my arms and upper shoulder jerking. Even standing in line at the post office for fifteen minutes is main achievement. With these negative symptoms molding me into something no one would want to be, I’ve learned to make some adjustments. I’ve long discarded the activity of complaining and have made a lovely habit of making someone’s day a little better. If I’m at the grocery store I find something attractive about the person near me and compliment them. I so delights me to see them smile and to make their day by a compliment. The practice of being a blessing to someone is a high point of my day. I refuse to give the enemy any ground or make him think that his attacks on me will sully God’s wonderful destiny for me. I want to please my Father by serving and being a blessing no matter how hard it is! I feel sad for mean people because I know that they’ve not practiced and seen the results of kindness in spite of their physical misery, stressful relationship or mundane life. Persistent acts of kindness and serving cheerfully is evidence of a God-infused lifestyle.
All this being said, I’m reminded of President Abraham Lincoln, One of the greatest presidents who ever lived, who endured and succeeded despite countless failures and  disappointments, shut doors and heart-aches. Amazingly, he grabbed the bull by the horn  in all his tenacity and audacity…his faith in God almighty.  He prevailed, head held high even during one of America’s most horrific times, the Civil War. Though I’m not faced with anarchy, riots and the threat of assassination, I still am facing a mountain which shall be moved by my obstinate faith in the God who restores and rewards all things.

http://www.school-for-champions.com/history/lincoln_failures.htm#.V3v21hJ4K1s

Weathering Dystonia,  (as president Lincoln faced his own giants) I know that God must have a very important job for me to do in the future and He is preparing and training me for such a time as this. Thankfully, July 5, 20016, we are still in peace here in America and life is somewhat normal. I recently watched a Christian outreach organization,  Ezra International outreach who focused their relief efforts on the refugees from cities near Ukraine. Soldiers had all but demolishes the businesses, neighborhoods and banks by bombs and machine gun fire. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I gazed at the footage of such devastation. Thousands were killed, there were bodies in the streets and many holocaust survivors were starving and left on their own. America could soon be enduring the same fate and I prayed that God would be merciful to the sick, elderly and young ones. Any of us American citizens could suddenly face the terrible war atrocities as our brethren in war-torn Ukraine and any other middle eastern city!

So… it would behoove me…and everyone to thank God that our country is still somewhat intact and not facing the atrocities and hardships of war and judgment.  Maybe for a short time, we are still the land of the free and though my own personal suffering is challenging, t’s nowhere near the suffering of people who’ve had their homes destroyed by bombs and have no where to go to get their next meal.

Dystonia reminds me of the need to be more compassionate, empathetic and giving of my resources to those who have less. Though I’d never wish anyone to endure a condition that robs and diminishes so much of our lives, the blessing in disguise is the  awareness and empathy of others sufferings and the motivation to do something about it!

Perhaps that is the gift Father looks to glean when we face a loss or bodily suffering. May father use you and I greatly to strengthen someone who has a deformity, impediment of disability

SILENCING the SONGBIRD


angel in  copper silk gown1“Lord, help me get through this. Help me, please” I kept saying as my jaw and mouth started to throb and convulse. I boldly accepted my pastor’s invitation to perform at the Jackson Baptist glory Celebration, a musical worship concert of local worship leaders and teams. A week ago, I emailed Pastor Sandra that I’d be performing His Eye is on the Sparrow and It is Well, two of my favorites that I sang to the residents of my area nursing home and the local physical rehabilitation centers. Those two songs were staples because they were a reminder of God’s promise to me that He was with me even in the valley. I had to play these two songs on my guitar almost everyday, just to remind myself that indeed, despite the incessant, tormenting pulling in my neck, the jerking of my arms and the rapid opening and closing of my mouth, one day, I would be released. It took every ounce of focus to do anything of substance. During this TMJ-Dystonia tenure, I’d programmed myself to call upon the Lord to strengthen me.. Steadfast confidence and reliance on Him was always the reward. That was who Father was,…always gracious in answering my prayer to give my best to my performances.

As more people entered the church, I could feel the excitement, which propelled me even more to be in close communion with Father. My husband Mark, saw I was in distress and massaged my neck. A girlfriend showed up, excited and encouraging and also gave me a neck massage.
People were filling into the well-lit church while the musicians and singers waited on the platform for the sound engineer to tweak their sound. My turn came and I adjusted the microphone. An older guitarist gentleman told me I could plug my guitar to his box which was a blessing so I didn’t have to set up all my effects pedals. Then I took a back seat near the edge of the church so people wouldn’t see my mouth contort. I hunched over in my seat, trying to take deep breaths to control the violent pulling and spasming in my neck. I felt an anxiety rise up, which always happened when the muscles got inflamed from the continua movement of my jaw. I continued to pray and stay alert .It was getting harder and harder to stay comfortable and I had to fight the impulse to run to the car and lay on my back for relief.

Finally, the concert started with a vivacious acapella trio. I was third in line. Then my Pastor approached the stage and introduced herself and me. I scurried up to the platform, nonchalant about my nondescript and unglamourous appearance. I’d long ago discarded my adherence to looking beautiful and well-coifed because it took so much energy to get through each hour. It had come to the point where it took an enormous amount of focus to do basic chores, my exercise routine, my daily voice scales and guitar practice. My only concern now, was to focus  on my performance-ministering in God’s anointing. To people enduring catastrophic illness, outward, perfect beauty is the last concern. Our symptoms wear us out to the point that we can’t be concerned that our make-up is perfect. Anyway, my lipstick and mascara always smeared or wore off halfway into any activity. My face always ended up leaning on my hands as I tried to position my head and neck in a comfortable way. Such is dealing with an upper cervical-spinal issue. I felt peaceful as I faced the audience.
“I’m so blessed and thankful to be here tonight despite having a very difficult almost nine years struggling with Dystina-TMJ, a neurological disorder similar to Parkinson. I’m so glad to be here to encourage any of you who are stiffening with any kind of illness. No matter who you are, God cares about what you are going through. Indeed, His eye is on the sparrow and as He is attentive to a tiny sparrow falling to the ground, so much more so are you precious in His sight”

The strains of my guitar and voice filled the church and I felt at ease, hardly aware of any muscles neck spasms. It was amazing how relaxed I now felt,compared to the preceding hour of anguish in my neck. I knew it was all Him! At the end of His Eye Is on the Sparrow, I paused for a second.  My eyes swept across the people’s faces as they sat spell bound watching me and listening to my every word. My face softened and I said, “It is well. It is Well.”
I then felt a surge of strength and stated, “You know, no weapon formed against you shall proper and Satan is under your feet. Get a hold of that and decide to walk powerfully in God’s strength. The devil is under your feet!”

JACKSON BAPTIST Church concert June  5, 2016

The audience grabbed a hold of that one and I preceded to sing It is well. I was joyful to hear one of the drummers accompanying me and my performance came alive with God’s hope and victory for everyone who’d choose to believe that all is well because of Christ’s victory on the cross!

By the third verse, everyone was standing and joined in through the end of the song! The chorus…It is well, with my soul reverberated with the layered harmonies of many voices. It was a transcendent moment for me! Father God punctuated His daughter’s glorifying music performance with His healing presence.

As I left the stage with the applause still lingering, the wicked spasms came back with a vengeance and I told Mark and my friend I had to lay down. I rushed to our HHR car and rested, immediately feeling less pressure in my neck. After about a half an hour, I decided to go back in, in case there was anyone who wanted to talk with me or have prayer. I was immediately approaches by several people One tall lady in particular, grabbed my hand.

“Hello sister and what can I pray with you for?”I asked.

“I was so blessed…so blessed by your songs. ” She gushed with tear-filled eyes. ” I have Lupus and have been very depressed for a long time.” She went on to share a little of her story and then a pastor joined me as I prepared to pray over the sister. Quite a few more people approached me to hug me and shake my hand and then I felt weak with the excitement and challenge of the night. I retreated back to the car to rest.

As I meditate and chronicle this pivotal evening of my life, I ponder the mystery of my battle-journey.  This TMJ-Dystonia condition has affected me in so many ways, some bad, but mostly good. Anyone diagnosed with a chronic illness will first ask, “Why me, God?” Then they will become angry at the injustice of it all and then resign themselves, either to resentment-bitterness or they decide that they will fight back and make the best of it! I have chosen to be the victorer and make the best of this daunting trial and trust that father will get all the glory from it!l

My encouragement to anyone enduring a daily or terminal illness is to weight your thoughts, dreams, standards and hopes by God’s word and His living presence. The Bible doesn’t answer all the the Jobian mysteries of a catastrophic health condition. For me it’s been groping my way through a dark maze and then leaving the “out” door onto a terrain riddled with land mines. Failure and death lurks beside every mine and one wrong step could propel you into the cemetery of resignation. I’ve often asked myself why I forge forward in my research, knowledge of Biblical healing and preventative medicine, (natural healing) when I’m daily almost overwhelmed with these devastating muscle-neurological and bio-chemical abnormalities.

I’ve learned from Dr Caroline Leaf (brain scientist) about the utter complexity of how the brain and the nuero-transmitters react to stress and trauma. From her research I’ve gleaned amazing insight on the importance of learning, meditating and relying on God’s divine and superior knowledge. After all, He did create and fashion our bodies in the most unfathomable ways ways!

Coming from a background of extreme abuse (bullying and domestic violence) and suffering much rejection because of generational sins, and then being redeemed  and transformed by Christ’s Yashuha’s love and freedom, reminds me  of my vow to the evil powers that be, that I will never again live in bondage. Though these devastating symptoms threaten me each day to hold me captive, I’ve relied on God’s Holy Spirit to empower me with His all-abiding strength, resilience and the possibility of total healing-restoration! Who else can promise that? Neither doctors, nor the toxic drugs they push can promise the prefect healing of our physician, Christ the messiah whose very stripes enabled us to walk in restoration!

close up anita OG

I, for one, need nothing else, but Him. The irony of my health journey has been that my enemy has tried to silence me by afflicting the very tools of my ministry. A worship leader-psalmist-speaker’s mouth and voice are the instruments with which she/he expounds God’s healing words, promises and anointed presence. Only in God’s presence is healing, so my enemy has chosen to viciously attack me, ( in my neck, vocal chords, throat and jaw) so that he can shut me down and shut off God’s healing works through me!

Ten years ago, somewhat vivacious and passionately aspired to get signed and go on tour, I never would have imagined to join the ranks of the “disabled” population.  Any pride or self-reliance I had is now completely extinguished and I’ve been brought to the place of humble submission…total reliance on Him alone!. This is Father’s refining process for me. I’m on his potters’ wheel and He is shaping me to what he wishes me to be. (Now, I can’t say that I’m always still and yielding) but mostly, I trust that He knows what He is doing.

He is using a chosen instrument, not of my parents ilk. None of my parents were musicians, nether were any composers or played instruments! It has been a testimony for God to teach me how to play guitar and compose the beautiful Psalms he has given me. It will be seven years since beginning the recording of my album MOD PROPHET and then my worship CD,  The Anointing, His Presence. They are nearing completion, getting more polished and glorious with each song. I will not stop and neither shall my enemy stop my mouth from praising Him and teaching the world of His great promises and Love.

The songbird will sing!

 

Previous Older Entries