MOVING FORWARD


Marchin forward

MOVING FORWARD From Offenses and Woundings

For many of us, conflict and strife are two of the most difficult areas to address. The inability to confidently address criticism and conflict  stifles our ability to soar upward into our divine fullness. The book of Proverbs is chock full of warnings to be cautious in our communication. Being slow to speak and waiting for divine wisdom for understanding has been challenging for me. I grew up in a family atmosphere of intense conflict between my German mother and Puerto-Rican father, whose relationship started to weaken when my father took on great responsibilities as the vice president of the Spanish Fraternity. His time and financial investments to the Spanish Community were straining our family and mom and dad argued constantly. I was very sensitive as a young girl and my parents arguing was very distressing for me. I also had to endure my mother’s temper tantrums where she regularly overturned the furniture, tore apart everything in my two younger sisters’ rooms and gave them beatings. This abusive environment of fear and anger became of stronghold in me. I was terrified of angry, mean people. At the first sign of a negative body language or facial expression, my stomach would turn and I became nauseous. I must admit,  my communication  style was challenged because of my nervousness in the presence of angry people.  This stronghold intensified during my first marriage where I endured domestic violence.  My fear to express disatisfaction or  uphold my boundaries  was firmly established. and my husband’s rage when I stated my opiinion caused me to keep m mouth shut because I didn’t want to be attacked.

We’ve all suffered rejection, abandonment and/or abuse and the extent of our spiritual growth-healing depends on our willingness to allow Christ to heal the deeply-embedded, negative strongholds of our mind and soul. In my life as a creative person,  (many artists, musicians and people in creative fields) feel a need to escape the sordid aspects of reality. Non creative people can also seek refuge in certain comforts such as sports, drugs, alcohol, shopping, food addictions and pornography. This is natural for us to feel safe from excruciating mental anguish or a sexual trauma such as molestation or rape. Those of us from extremely abusive backgrounds believe that the only way to cope with our painful past is to find refuge in the beauty and wonder of our creative endeavors and projects. Success in our careers and creativity is a good thing, but staying stuck in the plateau of woundedness and the trauma is not.

For me it has been a very long and painful road to spiritual freedom and joy because there were few intuitive and anointed pastors and/or deliverance counselors who could help me accurately identify negative strongholds. Even less to find are those who willingly guide a wounded individual to Christ’s wholeness. With the kingdom of hell becoming more aggressive than ever before, (satan knows his time is very short). God’s people are getting a triple dose of attacks in every area of life. It’s rare for any child of God not to be suffering some attack. Strife and division seems to be the main area satan has been using to create division and weakness in the body of Christ. The way around this is continual time in God’s presence, repentance and being accountable to elders.

The law of Love

1 Cor. 13 4-8 is really the formula which builds and strengthens the body, but often harder than it seems. Agape love allows no pride and convicts us when refuse to be wrong. We say, “Why should I acquiesce to him/her?” The spirit of offense is strong and often uses the element of surprise. You’re caught off guard when he strikes and you’re trembling in anger. Offense must be taken captive by Christ’s authority.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

A fellow intercessor sister and I were praying about how to address various weak areas our brthren needed to address. I told her how disappointed II was about several incidents which occurred with very dear and mature prophetic Christian sisters in my circle. Each incident involved a disagreement where both parties responded in quick anger. There was no resolution and the two decided not to bother with each other again. This breaking of relationship and avoiding each other disturbs me and disturbs the delicate atmosphere of unity in God’s family. We may glibly disregard our decision to break relationship with a brother or sister, but that small offense breaches the circle of love. We may not immediately feel or see the sting of offense-rejection, but it’s seed  takes root nonetheless and it opens the door to other demonic strongholds.

Pastor Derrik Prince teaches how just one rejection can swing open a door allowing other demonic stronghold to take root. This is why repentance is so necessary. When we are unified in love, we operate in great power and achieve God’s greatest miracles, healing and deliverance. When we have disagreements so sharp that we cut off the relationship and go on our merry way, we lose the opportunity to grow in the area of resolving conflict. We are as iron sharpening iron and Father is pleased when we conquer that pride spirit and seek reconciliation and resolution. With God all things are possible and when we come together in prayer, with the intention of resolving and unifying, we will be building bridges and healing wounded or misunderstood hearts.

Let us never forget that satan is cunning and has studied mankind for eons. He knows exactly how to s get a toehold in even the most well-intentioned. Conquering offense can often be difficult for people raised in angry, alcoholic and dysfunctional backgrounds. They often have deep-rooted strongholds of unworthiness and inferiority. Their mothers may have scorned, “You’re no good” or “You’ll never amount to anything.” If these declarations are not renounced and broken off, those voices will continue to harass and maim. The child will grow up to be an adult who is fearful of constructive criticism of any kind. When questioned, they respond immediately with raised dukes to fend imagined, crippling blows to their fragile self-worth. Those voices taunt incessantly, threatening their marriage and/or family. These negative accusing voices come from the pits of hell.  Strongholds of rejection and unworthiness can only be banished by daily meditating and declaring God’s truth about His precious children  who are created to do good works!

Learn to address feelings of shame, anxiety and/or unworthiness with God’s word. For those of us who have been raised in abuse and unhealthy homes, we must make wholeness and God’s word a priority. Healing from unhealthy influences may need help from strong, positive mentors. Learn not to be ashamed and defensive when questioned or criticized. Learn to recognize pride when he it rises up. Pride separates, but love unites. Don’t let pride bar us from admitting we don’t have all the answers or we made a mistake. Be sensitive to Holy  Spirit’s nudge when ou quickly  respondi inappropriately, angrilly or with unwaranted suspicion. Give people the benefit of the doubt that they are not always out to get you.

Repentance (humility) are not dirty words and we should never be ashamed to get on our faces, cry out in deep humility and ask Father to reveal our shortcomings. Repentance is cleansing and we grow in His grace when we are transparent. In one of my group prayer battalions, we start out our conference call with confessing our sins and weaknesses to each other.  This was a new thing to me, but found after a few weeks, how it draew my sisters and I closer together and made us more compassionate and prayerful for each other!

Repentance should be as natural as doing a detox or fast for our physical bodies. When we cleanse our body through daily repenting, we do not hinder the flow of Holy Spirit or block Him from blessing us with His conviction and gracious deliverance! My prayer for the body of Christ, is that we work on being transparent and honest with each other. Sin and iniquities root and flourish when we keep our sins and weaknesses hidden. The Bible says we are to confess our sins and weaknesses with each other daily.  All too often,  I see and hear about episodes where our Christian brethren display rage and  are vindictive on Facebook and other public forums. This is a very poor witness to non-believers and grieves our heavenly Father. Especially damaging is strife and division about political issues and gossip. A wise, gracious person would have nothing to do with strife because it weakens the bond of fellowship. We need to share our views respectfully and if the disagreement is too intense, then we must agree to disagree and avoid the subject for the sake of peace.

Brothers and sisters, we need to get it together because we are in the end of the end times and time is short. The eternal destinies of millions are at the precipice of decision and our demeanor must be Christ-alluring, a fragrance in the stench of pride and worldliness. When we are dedicated to unity in our King Jesus, satan cannot get a toehold. Pride in us is insidious and let us remember that it sneaks up even in the best of us. Let us not be afraid to be wrong or uniformed and let us ask God for HIs divine wisdom!

Setting the Atmosphere


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Your Influence on the World,
Journal Entry Monday, July 31, 2017

Today, I awoke to thoughts about mercy. A myriad whirlwind of thoughts about various scenarios and their results. swirled around my mind.  I remembered a moving testimony on Lynn Leahz program. A man wrote in to share his testimony of encountering Jesus. As a young boy, his parents raised him to be a Christian and he accepted Jesus as His Savior. As he got older, His love for Jesus diminished and he joined his friends in partying and revelry. He became promiscuous and lost all interest in the things of God.

Suddenly one night, he felt a strange disorientation and a forbidding. He felt his body separating and was taken across the universe. Then he found himself standing before Jesus. Jesus exuded indescribable love, yet also great disappointment. Then Jesus gazed deeply into his eyes and soul.  “I’m going to show you different scenes from your life..” Steven’s whole life then appeared before him as on a screen. One scenario in particular is familiar to me.

Waiting in a long line at a grocery store used to be one of my pet peeves and even more so as I’ve had to deal with incredibly, painful spasms from the fluorescent lights and stimuli of the sprawling grocery.  I used to grumble and complain, but now, I’ve disciplined myself to try my best to be gracious and smile as often as I can. I’ve heard many testimonies from devoted Christians who say that a smile, a kind word or action changes the whole atmosphere of a person’s demeanor and day.

In Steven’s case, an old lady kept bumping her cart into his lags and he was blasting her. As Steven watched himself in the film before him, he was aware of everyone’s thoughts. He could hear the old lady worry., “I don’t feel well. Am I having a heart attack? ”Did I take my medication today? “Lord I had no idea” Of course you didn’t Steven because you were not in me. Jesus said, Son, you had sinned on may levels. You were rude and thoughtless to her. You cursed her and finally and most importantly, you didn’t tell her about me.”

Fresh revelation came to me this morning, as I prepared myself to await Father’s instructions “Father, what would you like to show me today and what is your pan for me today?” This quiet mediation and devotion time has not always been this way for me. Even in my early years as a Christian, the habit would be to wake up, have my coffee and rush forward towards the day.  Mostly, this manner  led endless days of mediocrity . Something was missing, but I could not see what.  Even though these past ten years of suffering this TMJ-Dystonia has been difficult and draining beyond belief, I tell Father, “I trust You!” Some days I can barely stand the pulling  of my throat muscles which pull at my jaw joints and which sometimes strangles me and cuts off the oxygen.  Father will never exempt any fragile and weak moment or circumstance to yield good fruit!  As I cry for relief  and to be released from this season of partial disablement, I marvel in expectation to see how He will bring all this suffering and loss of my time, (in evangelizing).. for His great Glory.

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Oh…the beauty of being still…and knowing He is God.  Many of us don’t realize how priceless our listening time with God is and how few of us realize the necessity to be still and listen. Many of us piously grab our bibles and commentaries and study..but not necessarily about searching our heart for His purity and childlikeness. . We are too busy disguising our minds from the reality of the subtle, yet ugly hidden sins we deem insignificant. As in Steven’s video we saw how his anger  and cursing the old lady was indeed sinning.  Many of us are unaware of sudden manifestations of our sin nature and strongholds of our minds. We think  resentment, lack of mercy, exactingness, ( insisting others live up to our expectations and in our timberline) fits of anger, self righteousness, need for controlling others,  pride, (refusing to say I’m sorry)  and hatred.

As I listened to Steven”s story,  I recalled  times, not too many years ago, when en route and late to a gig, I would go ballistic because a driver’s speed was not to my satisfaction. I would get angry if his slow speed would get me stopped at a red light, while he drove forward. Sometimes, I’d yell, “You, idiot! Get out of my way”. I am ashamed to admit it, but my transparency is your gain! Recently,  I remember as recently as last year, blurting out, “BIRD BRAIN!”  Oops. Immediately felt convicted. “I’m SO sorry, Father” Forgive me and I bless that person”

Complaining is sin. We can bend over backwards and drive our best buddy anywhere despite our exhaustion of a long week of grueling overtime, yet if our wives need to be driven to the doctor, we let her know we despise it! We wonder why our co-workers seem repulsed by our preaching, yet we continue to scrutinize, (while disdaining) the quality of their work or their inability adapt to our idea of excellence. How about wives who spend hours going to get their nails done or shop, spending hundreds of dollars on each spree, yet can barely sacrifice and make their husband a wonderful home cooked meal? How about parents whose lives revolve around working  countless hours of overtime to buy new toys and gadget, yet neglect nurturing and listening to their children. Life seems a breeding ground of dysfunction and no one really understands why relationship are amiss and disappointing..

How blessed we are when Holy Spirit lovingly convicts us. Truly. blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. As I continued thinking about Steven’s story,  I thanked Father for His mercy to me regarding all my self-righteous and pious demeanor at times. I’m grateful when I get that little nudge that a spirit of pride has taken residence in my heart.  Time to kick him out. I know I could never be righteous apart from Jesus and can never live up to His perfection and mercy.

Let’s talk about anger now.  Anger is rooted in some kind of fear. Anger shows his face in many ways and circumstances, (rooted very deep since childhood and even as far back as  in infancy and a fetus). There are may manifestations of anger.  During a conversation, when we feel intimidated, we react with a posture of defensiveness or vindictiveness. We get angry and take it personally when a co-worker messes up a project or schedules. We respond to the problem with sarcasm and  disdain, rather than asking God to intervene and help vindicate. Sometimes we are so arrogant that we blame everyone who makes a mistake as planning trouble. Here is a spirit of fear, (of losing the job, being demoted or being written up by a supervisor). We all have our excuses for  blasting people, but in God’s eyes, there is no excuse. Did we ever think that others have days were they are slow, confused, overwhelmed, by lack of sleep or troubled? When we think we can read people’s minds and judge their motives, we need to address this attitude as arrogance and renounce it. Oh, how we are so led astray by our hearts. The heart is deceitful above all things. Who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

The bottom line is, I’m sorry, is the answer for ll our sins. Not I’m sorry to relieve our consciences, but repentance that a relationship was breached and tainted by our own selfishness, pride and/or fear. Even if we feel we are innocent, there is nothing more healing to the spirit of a offended child, spouse, friend, co-worker and God. I’m sorry humbly said after a disagreement of mistake can mean the difference between a chaotic and miserable day or one that is covered with mercy and love.

Rob Morrissette, in hi insightful deliverance book,  Pray Through It, says it is not so much our reactions and feelings which are sinful, but our response to the wrong. Do we fight fire with fire, tit for tat?. Are we vindictive and harbor a deep anger, erupting in a fit of rage? If we are to engage our culture in a Christ manner, we will understand the significance of setting an atmosphere of mercy and grace to others when they make mistakes.  I’ve had days when I was cursed, harshly criticized or condemned and my whole week was ruined. It can be hard to rise up out of someone’s curse. I’ve also encountered making mistakes and being responded to with great kindness and mercy. This gave me a attitude of gratitude and i was able to pray for all involved and saw God’ work miraculously! Everyone was blessed!

We are as the pebble thrown into a still pond. Our responses to painful or negative events undulate outward into humanity, changing the very timberline of life!

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, I ask you to help me be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Help me, Holy Spirit, to have the mind of Christ. Help me to respond patiently  and with mercy those who are having a bad day, not doing their job properly or are constantly in physical pain. Let us imagine that that slow driver may have lost their loved one or had to put their pet to sleep today. They shouldn’t be driving, but they are. Maybe they received a bad doctors report about their tests. They have Cancer and have eight months to live. Perhaps, someone’s house burned down or they were fired from their job. I do not know what a person is going through or grappling with, so help me to be merciful, gracious and have an attitude of healing grace.  Help me to be sensitive and ready when there is an opportunity to tell someone about Jesus and His love for them.  Help me to be so in You, that I am sensitively intune to react as Jesus would.  Help me to catch myself when I suddenly react with defensiveness, fear or self-defense,  rather  than being humble and eager to quickly restore peace and lightness and peace in a conversation or relationship. With your help, I can reverse the negative emotional stronghold which have  hindered my joy and peace for many years and even many decades. With God…all things are possible.If I am willing, Father, You are able! Two special words, “I’m sorry” will bring  true repentance and healing to the one I unintentionally hurt. Help me to be led by  Holy Spirit and especially Lord, help me to learn to Be Still and know you are God…so I can hear your small voice which  gently convicts and corrects me so I can truly radiate the love and mercy of Christ, In Jesus precious name I pray, amen!

 

NEAR to the BROKEN-HEARTED


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The weight was becoming so crushing that Barbara could barely  breath

I got off of my tread mill, at the telephones’ ringing and heard my precious sister Barbara’s voice, weak with grief.  She was grieving for her son, Adam and it was a very difficult time for her. I was grateful to be  available for her and listened as she poured out her heart to me. Feelings of protectiveness came over me like a mother bear seeing her cub being threatened.  I knew the enmey was trying to drag her backwards into the depths of bondage.  I waited for Holy Spirit to download instruction on how to minister to her.

I felt a very heavy burden of anguish and then I asked her to rest and be still because I was going to release a song over her. The inspiration of lyrics came to me the past Saturday because of a burden for my three younger sisters who were are battling weights from their past. As I was checking my emails, I saw a dear prophetic brother who wrote that Holy Spirit had told him I was going to write another song. I grabbed my pen and within 5 minutes I wrote  “Enter My Rest” Holy Spirit reminded me  of  Hebrews 4:11Let us therefore strive to enter into His rest.

I could feel a spiritual tug of war going on with Barbra, but I told her I felt to sing Shalom over her. the new song,  Enter my Rest and Beautiful Daughter. Holy Spirit was showing me that Abba wanted her to  let go of all the weights..and rest in him. Then He showed me a performance anxiety spirit was pulling her. So we prayed together against the spirit.    I saw that we indeed were in a tug of war. Yashuah Jesus, Barbara and I were on one side of the  rope and the  demonic spirits at the other end. We continued to pray and we took authority over the spirits. .

As we were waging warfare,  standing firm, we felt the noose was loosening. Barbara prayed and then started singing Hallelujah, we sing hallelujah. I joined in and we were singeing prophetically.

hallelujah. We sing hallelujah,  We sing hallelujah to our King

You release us to the skies, cause we are butterflies.

We are soaring into glory.. He releases us into the skies

We soar on weightless wings and look into our Father eyes,

All of a sudden, Barbara laughed and she was light with exhilaration. Father helped her to break through. It was so delightful, she suddenly burst out that she saw a vision of millions of Monarch butterflies being released. WOW! was all I could say!

Truly, Barbara’s received a glorious breakthrough and fresh  anointing of her ability to see visions. We were enthralled at the fresh unction of confidence and strength Father had given her and we marveled at how Father is so near His children when they are broken-hearted.

During my prayer over Barbara, I also  reminded her  that Yashuah had already set a banquet table for us to dine on His exquisite delicacies of mercy and grace, among many others.  Though He invites us and often we come in shabby clothes and   broken as paupers, he garbs us in  pure white wedding gowns, spotless in His blood.  Sister Barbara and all my precious brothers and sisters, let us fall back into His hammock of love after you have confessed your sins and weaknesses! Release and rest!

“Enter My Rest” Holy Spirit reminds us in  Hebrews 4:11.  Let us therefore strive to enter into His rest. For some of us, we may need to ask God’s help to discipline ourselves from the stringent bondage of work and striving. God is faithful..He hears our cries and will surely help!

WRONG CHORD, WRONG PEOPLE


Miles Davis is one of the greatest Jazz  trumpeters-composers of all time, but this blog is not so much about Mile’s transcendent talent as it is his keen insight, intuition and sensitivity.

For me to appreciate Jazz and be so influence by this eclectic and sometimes complicated genre of music, is a true testimony to God’s desire to give good gifts to his children. I had no musicians in my family, but as a young girl, I had an uncanny gift to be able to know harmony. I loved to sing but had no idea I would have such a love of composing, experimenting with chords and playing my guitar quite many years later. So this jazz thing continues to compel me and my appetite for the scrumptious diminished, flatted fifths and major/minor chords teased my ear. My jazz artistry really grew, working with the incredible Calabrese brothers David and Michael.

Jazz became more and more a part of me and even though I was nursed on rock.  As lead vocalist, fronting my first Christian hard rock band, The Promise with lead guitarist, Chris Durante, I wanted to fuse the complex, sophisticated chords of Jazz with the power of Rock. Chris happened to be on the same wavelength as I and we composed many enduring collaborations whcih fused hard rock with Blues and jazz, thanks to jazz drummer. Tom Hill. When I learned the guitar, the sky was the limit for me and I wrote my first jazz song a month after learning the guitar!

God must have created me to be a jazz girl because the more my ear yearned for the gorgeous, unconventionality of Jazz, my appetite was continued quenched by fining jazz artist on the wonderful Christian music network, Indie heaven, founded by Keith Mohr. At Indie heaven, independent Christian artists could network and find a platform for their music.  being  jkazz-0folk female singer-songwriter, I connected with two of Indie heaven’s amazing Jazz ladies, Celeste Talley,  a sweet songbird crooner and Kerensa Grey, whose sultry, thick ,molasses voice that set all the dudes at ease. We had our prime star Drew Davidson, making a big name for himself all over the east coast.

Though it’s been hard to find a place for my Joni-Mitchelly voice and guitar style, I expect to find my niche…some day

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And today, I couldn’t stop thinking about Kerensa’s post last year. Out of the blue, I remembered being so struck by Mile’s Davis band member sharing his experience of playing a wrong chord. Amazingly, through the myriads of old posts, I landed on that video.It really blew my mind when the player said Miles didn’t even lose his composure or make a face (like some of my past band mates would yell, belittle and deride our bandmate who played a sour chord, or lost there place in the song)  He improvised his chords,  making them fit with the off chord! That is genus.

Now, isn’t that so like our God, Our heavenly father who is the Jazz King. He never gets disgusted with us if we made a mistake, disrupts His plans or  veer of the road. As we abide in His leadership as our Leader of the band, he somehow works around our wrong chord!

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Miles Davis’ band mate learned not just an astounding music lesson that day, but a life lesson. He was blessed to sit under a gracious leader. May we who are uptight, scrutinizing and demanding of others remember that when we cover each others weaknesses, we make ourselves look gracious. It is guaranteed that everyone of us has been or will do something that looks like an idiot. My desire is to so see people as my brothers and sisters who,  like me, have praiseworthy things to find and focus on and not the bad first impression whcih stays cemented in someone’s mind. I know one thing, I will never forget this video and plan to adapt the gracious, forgiving leadership style of Miles Davis as my musical and life pattern !

THE GLORY OF KOINONIA, Part 2


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This week-end, my husband , Mark, struck up a conversation with a cook who was preparing his order. During the conversation, the pleasant young man remarked how he didn’t like the situation with the cooking oil that fried the pork also mingled with the other fried foods. He told Mark that his faith, Islam, prohibited the eating of pork. When the young man went outside for a cigarette break, Mark pointed out that he was concerned about defiling his body, yet he smoked. Then he shared about his Christian faith and his stance on dietary commandments. Then Jason told Mark he used to be a Christian.

A Facebook friend asked for prayer on her Facebook page. She was devastated about her boyfriend’s best friend committing suicide. She shared how wonderful and gifted he was and everyone’s shock about the shocking tragedy. As I basked in the warm sun, my heart suddenly ached for all the precious people who thought ending their life was the only way to end their torment. Even Christins were suicidal and I wondered what the missing link was.

Two other Christian brothers were also enduring a season of “disconnectness”.I continued to think about the various states of human emotion, embracing of life connection. The exquisite bed of soft solitude allowed me to even more deeply empathize with the emotion of alienation. I wondered what catalysts caused such separation in the spirit that ne would end their life. I continued to open my spirit to Holy Spirit for more understanding and insight. I thought of the Beatle’s Eleanor Rigby, John Lennona and Paul McCartney merely scratched the surface.

My thoughts went to a few relationships in my own life which had been severed suddenly by the other person. I felt very sad, having done all I could to reach out in love with a gifts and words of love. In both cases, the other person was a continual talker and most of the conversation was from their viewpoint. I must admit my weakness in not enjoying long, mostly one-sided long discourses . These people are insightful and intelligent, but their inability to venture out of themselves makes intimacy (and the continuation of the realtionship) difficult. Being so challenged with the TMJ- jaw-Dystonia issue, I need to limit my speaking. But if I am inspired by the equality and graciousness of the conversation, (not consisting extraneous verbiage and long-winded rambling). It can be draining and not edifying. And usually when the person talks for son long, I usually forget what I wanted to say!

Stimulation and inspiring conversationalist are rare. As I’ve often mentioned in many of my blogs and teachings walking in God’s excellence encompasses every aspect of life, particularly communicating and relationships. I believe poor communication, (with God and with each other) skills and self-centeredness is one great cause of sickness.

Stimulation and inspiring conversationalist are rare. As I’ve often mentioned in many of my blogs and teachings walking in God’s excellence encompasses every aspect of life, particularly communicating and relationships. I believe poor communication, (with God and with each other) skills and self-centeredness is one great cause of sickness.

God ordained marriage and family for His glory and companionship Today, dependence on technology, (whoever instantaneous and far-reaching) has caused a great deficiency and quality of substance. Some keep in touch through emailing and texting, but there is truly nothing as fulfilling and nurturing as one on one, face to face contact.

Koinonia, (intimate fellowship) is a very fragile and complicated skill-attribute which can only be nourished by Holy Spirit. Koinonia is more than socializing, fellow shipping or hanging out. Koinonia is an unselfish desire to reach out with genuine interest and passion . It is also humbling ones own superiority in favor of allowing another to freely express himself.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Pual wrote in Phil 2:4 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

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Koinonia, intimacy, is a very fragile and complicated skill which can only be nourished by Holy Spirit. Koinonia is more than socializing, fellow shipping or hanging out. Koinonia is an unselfish desire to humble ones own self in favor of allowing another to freely express himself. My prayer is that this precious revelation Holy Spirit gave me today, will will more illuminate the all in the body of Christ!

The Bible describes a special relationship between David and Jonathan in I Sam. 18:1 .

The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

Do we love each other as our own souls, or do we just tolerate each other. If an experienced elder gives us advice, are we resentful of offended> Do we disdain those who are not as intelligent or educated as us? Do we even go as far to severe a  connection because of an irreconcilable difference? There are times to separate, (if the difference is spiritually or emotionally wounding) and minister from afar if there are urgent physical needs. We should keep in mind the urgency of staying together in these very dark times. The government and the non-believing world will not be the shelter when disaster hits! It is the haven of the body of Christ which will be the safe place.

Since every child of God, is adopted into the royal family, we are all called to unity Eph 4:12

The following verses are some of the most sobering verses in the Bible regarding our quality of stewardship and collectively participating with the building of God’s house!

1 Cor 3 11-15 For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble; 13 Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is.14 If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward.15 If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.

The bottom line, I ask holy Spirit daily, am I building up Father’s house or…am I tearing it down? God’s plan is to equip the saints for works of ministry, to build up the body of Christ, When God’s people start empathizing and show genuine interest in each other, we won’t feel, unloved, isolated and rejected. We will find purpose, joy and fulfillment in family, marriage and our love walk with God.

Heavenly Father, please pour you sweet Holy Spirit in even more glorious ways upon your body. So many lonely people are isolated, misunderstood and disregarded. Each one of us is special, fashioned by your won majestic hands, Father, let us continually forgive and let those who who hurt or offend us, also consider and ask forgiveness, so your family can be the LIGHT of the world You called her to be. Father mend the broken hearts in all of us and help us to be honest with You first and then with each other. Help us to take the lower seat, to get out of ourselves and to be interested in the interests of others! That will be a connective bond to draw us closer. Let us all, realize that none of us knows everything and if we humble ourselves and calls ourselves students of life, we will enjoy the wonderful of friendship and Koinonia. In Jesus name, amen.

God bless you beloved and may this post bring you into growth!

About Daughters


Pre adolecent and adolescent can be fragile  beings, driving their parents and especially fathers almost to the nuthouse. I’m a grown woman now and have weathered many family  tragedies, (including the latest, the death of my beloved Papito and my mother’s sudden plummet into Dementia…all within three months).

Today, I was very fragile and distressed, thinking about how the lack of listening with the heart has led many marriages and families to fragment. I cried out to Father for strength to make sense of the relationships in my life and realized I hadn’t read a wonderful letter from Pastor Jeff Lane, from CTN’s  call in prayer network America’s Prayer Meeting from 12;30 to 3:30 am. One sentience leaped out at me. ” My freind, you have been hurt, mistreated and unfairly judged.”  A torrent of tears burst from my eyes. Pastor Jeff’s letter continued. Blessed are the pure in heart.. in other words, blessed are those whose hearts have been cleansed from the bitterness of the world.

My issue has been being greatly wounded and traumatized by those closest to me or those who are supposed to be  my inner circle. When these are emotionally close-hearted or refused to listen and understand my weakness or person, it can be an area like  an unhealed sore. So Pastor Jeff’s  words were spot on and I asked Father to continually bless and forgive my friends who have unfairly refused to hear me out.

I hadn’t expected to compose a blog today, but  Holy Spirit used this deep, inner hurt to issue to explore this necessity of allowing heart felt communication and understanding to flow, particularity between fathers and daughters. My thoughts went back to challenging times in my father’s life where he didn’t have the support of my mother. He always turned to me, ( as his firstborn daughter). Deep down, he’d wanted his firstborn to be a son and so he never allowed my female gender to stop him from teaching me “male” attributives of leadership, discipline, resourcefulness and high education. I graciously respected and received his  guidance and all, except his insistence that we not express our frailties and emotions.

Having taken many years to heal from Papito’s demand that we never cry, all of my sisters and I paid a heavy price and the results were damaging and devastating in many ways, particularity our serious health issues. As I continue to ask Holy Spirit for the grace and healing, wisdom in understanding the psyche, (in this case, the female adolescent psyche) I hope fathers, (and mothers)  humble themselves in asking  Holy Spirit how to raise confident, androgynous, aspiring  and relaxed young women.

I’m no expert on raising great families or on having the ideal marriage, but I can definitely share what  will weaken or destroy the fiber of a marriage or family.

I’m still sorting out my feelings about my beloved father, Papito Teofilo Ferrer Cepeda, (daddy wore the name of both his mother and father proudly). His mother was a spiritually, disciplined and fiery half Latino-half  Indian who was no-nonsense, educated and taught her children well regarding self-sufficiency and excellence. When her husband, (my grandfather, Valentine) contracted a serious lung ailment, she took on the responsibility of raising nine children on her own and running her farm!

Last year, when I received a phone call from my younger,  physically-challenged sister that we needed to visit daddy in the hospital, I was shocked that yet again, there was a possibility of losing my beloved mentor. As the elevator doors opened to reveal that Mark and I were on the oncology ward of the hospital, my  heart skipped a beat. My mouth dropped open as I saw a skeletal Papito half-covered in his bed. His voice was barely audible as I took my guitar from out of its case to sing his favorite Spanish ballad, Eres Tu. I sang Amazing Grace and then my youngest sister Margarita, entered the room,  holding on to her beaus arm. Like me, she battled a neurological disorder. Hers was MS, (Multiple Sclerosis).  It was surreal, as I asked Mark to pray with my father so I could ask the nurses what was going on with him. A lovely young nurse raved about how charming and non-complaining my father was. She had never seen anyone suffering from such painful throat cancer as Teo! I started to weep, wondering what emotional ghost had brought him to this point. Even now as I write this blog, my prayer is that spouses and families will not make the same mistakes as mine.

Papito’s second wife, my step-mother was not present during my sister and my visit. I couldn’t make sense of the fact that he was in a hospital,  a three-hour driving trip away. I would have preferred for him to have hospice care near all of us girls. I played my father’s two favorite songs at his funeral and though most were moved by my testimony of my relationship with him, I was left with unrequited sorrow and no explanation of why he died the way he did.

Having learned so much the past two decades regarding the relationship between unresolved grief, bitterness and resentment precipitating cancer and other  traumatic conditions, I deduce that spouses and families must allow each other to freely express themselves! When people are faced with a traumatic episode, the shock and grief is assuaged by empathetic and non-judgmental listening  and comforting.I believe most  cases of domestic violence, child abuse and even dysfunctional-strained relationships are  caused by the person not being listened to and understood.

In my father’s case, I beloved he died of a broken heart. My mother was staunchly unsupportive of my father’s dreams and endeavors and my step-mother  had a very strong personality. Daddy preferred to keep the peace because he had developed such a fragile situation with his blood pressure over the years. Any conflict or argument would have sent him to the hospital. So, my father kept his disagreements to himself during his second marriage. I’m sure, his sorrow about his failings as a father during his and mom’s divorce and the inability to  protect his adolescent daughters was an unhealed wound.  I reckon that at least  he may have fondly remembered his dependence on us when all four of us girls helped him renovate the old, dilapidated farm  house on Shafto Road.

Honestly, that wasn’t a memorable time for me as I was suddenly transferred from a wonderful catholic school where I thrived, to a public school where I became the outcast and was bullied daily. I was not allowed to speak about my terror of the three bully girls who made me feel like dirt. I endured many painful things duirng my high school years. My sisters and I did not have the freedom to express any negative things that troubled us and thus we learned to shut up and stuff it. Anyway, what kid has the  permission to voice how miserable they are with a strong or domineering father obsessed by his dream? Many families (and many marriages) today are fragmented and dysfunctional because of lack of honesty and empathy.

Looking back, I want to bravely share my thoughts on reading a diary as a fifteen year old. My love and devotion for my father since being born-again in 1982 has always been endearing and I was shocked to read the many  turbulent and devastated emotions detailed in my journal entries.Two events in particular caused me to be ostracized for the rest of high school.My parents refused to buy me a razor to shave my legs. I was nick-named bear legs by the boys. My father also refused me to wear any blue jeans because he deduced them to be anti-establishment! So I had to wear my corny Catholic school, pleated knee length skirt and loafer shoes. My parents also never came to my defense when a large bully girl accosted me daily because I was of mixed heritage. It took decades for me to shed the skin of being unworthy and insufficient.

All this being shared, I long to see children and adolescents  soaring into their  divine destiny, their parents being well-equipped to empathetically nurture, (and appropriately discipline when needed) their kids. Children do not belong to parents. Parents are temporary stewards of God’s little people, who he is seeking to one day bless their destiny!

If my father were still alive today and asked me to honestly tell him what he could have changed about the way he raised me, this is the letter I would write to him as a grown and healing woman of God:

Dear Daddy!

Words cannot express the gratitude I have for the great things you’ve taught me. Thank you for the special times  I had with you as you taught me all about sign-painting and making silk screen templates for your job. Though I was skinny and had awful hay fever allergies and hating you taking Leslie and I to doctor Pfum to get twelve allergy shots twice a year in my arm, I was able to help you dig holes for the sign posts  Thank you for insisting that I not run the streets after boys because they would get me pregnant. Thank you for playing those amazing Spanish Flamenco albums. My love for all kinds of great music contributed to me being the eclectic and innovative composer I am today.

As a grown woman, I have truly appreciate all of who you are. You are such a charming, highly intelligent and gifted man. Thank you that even while you worked full time as a graphic designer for the US government, you earned your bachelors degree in political science so you could earn a better living for mommy and us girls!

My few regrets about our relationship was that you never allowed me to cry, to complain if I were exhausted. I would have loved for you to take seriously my greif and  shame at being half Puerto-Rican and half German, ( a weirdo and not accepted  as equal by the other kids). I also wished you had appreciated  and supported my talent in sewing, fashion design and creative writing and not say they are useless! Also, please respect that I have my own mind, I am a free spirit, (non-conformist) and  not interested in doing anything rebellious of crazy!  I know you have plans for me, but allow me to make my own choices:)  The  most painful rejection from you was when the two times I needed you most, you reneged.

When I was a boarder in the house of that alcoholic man and his blind wife and he tried to kick down my door and rape me. You said, “Be strong, honey, do the best you can.” You have no idea how that devastated me. And then when my fiance was emotionally stalking and traumatizing me and threatened me with death if I didn’t marry him. You wearily said to me,  “I’m sorry, honey. I can’t help you. I’m a sick man.”

I love you and forgive you and my Heavenly father has made right all the wrongs. I ask you to forgive me for anything I’ve hurt you with and please forgive yourself. Abba God has forgiven you, Papito.

Fathers (and mothers)..Healing and reconciliation comes from  looking deep inside yourself and remembering what you said, how you responded to your daughters cries, complaints and questions! Daughters are very complex and fragile beings, (with all these chemicals and hormonal changes). Please fathers, do your intense research early, before your little girl starts to show her womanhood. Old as I am, i am still my Papito’s little girl. I yearn every day for his hug and his “I love You, Anita.” Every day. I curse that demonic man-made tradition  men don’t cry or don’t your emotions! Pride is a killer and it’s terribly wounded and destroyed many relationships with their children. Thank you for allowing me to share about my relationship with my dear father and may you learn from his and my mistakes and help heal your relationship with your princess today!

Heavenly father, thank you for your unmerited and abundant wisdom which we have avail…if we humbly ask. Let there be healing in the fathers and daughters who read this testimony. Lord, help father to build bridges of compassion, tenderness and wisdom as they raise up, confident, trusting and joyous daughters. It’s not shameful for dads to make mistakes, but the three words, “I am Sorry” heals a multitudes of bitterness, resentment, shame and unforgiveness strongholds which could take decades to uproot in our daughters. From this day forward, Father, help us daughters to also appreciate our fathers and honor them so that our lives are long and prosperous. In Jesus name, amen

KOINONIA, The Glory of Unity


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The Koinonia, the gathering of the true saints of God, as depicted in the book of Acts, was one of the most glorious periods in the history of the early church.  Meeting together was not obligatory, but filled with the anticipation of intimate fellowship. No wonder saint Paul urged God’s people to not forsake the gathering together of believers. There is something very powerful about sitting face to face and eye to eye with our Christian brothers and sisters.  Our Heavenly father delights in the richness of our spiritual communion and Jesus said that where two or three joined together agreeing on anything in prayer, Father would be delighted to give it.

We often hear about lone rangers who prefer to live solitary lives perhaps because of having been hurt or betrayed in a past relationship. I tell them to expect that when crisis calls, you will need the help of others.

Fellow shipping with the saints, (Koinonia from the Greek), is the environment where we can sharpen our love walks.  In the midst of many personalities will be found opportunities to hone ourselves in the fruits of the spirit. As iron sharpens iron, so sharpen we each other. In the presence of many personalities we will find reasons for the number one fruit of the spirit to be in action.

There are not enough pastors who expound the necessity and richness of  abiding in true Christian Koinonia. to their flock.  Rewards abound regarding the growth process and seeing each others lives unfolds as the petals of a flower! Growing together and nurturing each other makes for powerful marriages, families and communities. There will always be hurt, rejection or misunderstandings when relating to others, but if we continue to be open and take risks emotionally, God will connect us with people who love and accept us unconditionally. All of us should aspire to  fine tune our love walks. If  the fruits of the spirit are not evident in our lives, something is wrong.

My unconventional outlook on life as artist-musician-journalist bursting with  spontaneity and vision had caused misunderstanding and miscommunication with a few friends who misunderstood my motive and heart. These broken relationship hurt deeply but Father God has been gracious in helping me develop a forgiving spirit. I learned the importance of  addressing my grief and disappointment and then moving on.No matter what good intentions we have,  we will always  have to deal with rejection or misunderstanding. We have to learn from our mistakes and move on. God has blessed me with a small circle of people who love me unconditionally, even if they do not understand where I’m coming from. Treat all relationships with tenderness and respect. We can learn from everyone, no matter what their background or age, and even little children can teach us amazing, deep things!

God always wants us to walk in forgiveness and understanding. Somewhere down the line, regardless of our best intentions, we too will hurt or disappoint our friends and loved ones.

The law of love is one the most important aspects of living in Christ and yet love sometimes can be the least important thing on our agenda. We live in such a fast-paced world that we depend on  the convenience of  technology to fill the gap of emptiness. It has instead numbed our need for human fellowship. We lose the ability to be sensitive, thoughtful and heaven-minded! Love must always reign in our hearts and motives and everyone, from the newbie babe in Christ to the oldest, mature bishop needs that one on one Koinonia.

One asked Jesus, “When did we feed you, give you water, clothe you or visit you in prison?” mat 25:37&38 Jesus answered that if we did it to the least, we have done it unto Him.  Thus, we are required to fill a need when we are suddenly presented with it.

God loves when we serve and give alms. Mat 19:@. The church is in a weak place today because of a lack of unity and a sincere desire to be in fellowship with each other.  Only by intimate connection with each other can we learn to cherish and nourish each other, not only with the material but also with the spiritual bread. Paul tells us in Eph.5:1 to live our lives as a fragrant offering.

When you are with another brother or sister, are they blessed and nourished by your presence or do you repel them?  Do we try to live peaceably with others or are we always debating or scrutinizing the small stuff, (grey areas of living our lives) ? Rom. 14:13 ? God has called us be humble and not to think of ourselves higher than others or to despise others who are weak or young in their faith. The fruit of love is patient kind, long-suffering

We can find all we need to know about love in 1 Corin.14. It doesn’t matter how many languages we are fluent in, how amazingly we prophesy or sing like an angel, if we love not we are nothing.
When Koinonia is operating, there is a spilling over, an overflow of love. Koinonia first begins when we humbly sit at the feet of our Abba Father. Sometimes, sitting at Father’s feet, first thing after I wake up,  my spirit soars acknowledging how much He loves me! I count my blessings and sing praises to Him.  You can’t help but be full of love and that loves flows out of yo as you rub elbows with those around you.

The killers of Koinonia are spirits of religion, gossip, envy, strife, bitterness and debate. We must carefully guard our hearts and our relationships so that God’s love can flourish. Blessed are the peacemakers for they are the children of God! Let us be wary of any spirit that divides and causes suspicion, so Father can bless our endeavors and soul-winning! Beware of suspicion, criticism or harshness. A thoughtful pause before a soft answers heals a multitude of otherwise  negative consequences. Correct  with a spirit of meekness. when we are rebuke, we should mete grace to ourselves. How often we take a correction or rebuke very harshly and condemn ourselves.

Koinonia also rejoices in all the supernatural gifts of the Spirit and is not fearful or offended by those who speak in other tongues or express themselves in the prophetic. Paul himself said, “I would like for every one of you to speak in tongues” 1 Cor 14:5

In these violent, self-centered and arrogant times, we more than ever need the power of the supernatural Holy Ghost. Only that dynamite power can  change and overcome the all-compassing evil of our enemy. It’s to the church’s and the world advantage that every child of God be so divinely equipped!

Kononia is truly one of the most glorious gift Father God endowed us with. When the Bride is walking in true love, they are walking in true unity and power. When laughter, joy, thankfulness and compassion flow, there is healing and victory!
Ask Father to connect you with vibrant believers today!

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