SILENCING the SONGBIRD


angel in  copper silk gown1“Lord, help me get through this. Help me, please” I kept saying as my jaw and mouth started to throb and convulse. I boldly accepted my pastor’s invitation to perform at the Jackson Baptist glory Celebration, a musical worship concert of local worship leaders and teams. A week ago, I emailed Pastor Sandra that I’d be performing His Eye is on the Sparrow and It is Well, two of my favorites that I sang to the residents of my area nursing home and the local physical rehabilitation centers. Those two songs were staples because they were a reminder of God’s promise to me that He was with me even in the valley. I had to play these two songs on my guitar almost everyday, just to remind myself that indeed, despite the incessant, tormenting pulling in my neck, the jerking of my arms and the rapid opening and closing of my mouth, one day, I would be released. It took every ounce of focus to do anything of substance. During this TMJ-Dystonia tenure, I’d programmed myself to call upon the Lord to strengthen me.. Steadfast confidence and reliance on Him was always the reward. That was who Father was,…always gracious in answering my prayer to give my best to my performances.

As more people entered the church, I could feel the excitement, which propelled me even more to be in close communion with Father. My husband Mark, saw I was in distress and massaged my neck. A girlfriend showed up, excited and encouraging and also gave me a neck massage.
People were filling into the well-lit church while the musicians and singers waited on the platform for the sound engineer to tweak their sound. My turn came and I adjusted the microphone. An older guitarist gentleman told me I could plug my guitar to his box which was a blessing so I didn’t have to set up all my effects pedals. Then I took a back seat near the edge of the church so people wouldn’t see my mouth contort. I hunched over in my seat, trying to take deep breaths to control the violent pulling and spasming in my neck. I felt an anxiety rise up, which always happened when the muscles got inflamed from the continua movement of my jaw. I continued to pray and stay alert .It was getting harder and harder to stay comfortable and I had to fight the impulse to run to the car and lay on my back for relief.

Finally, the concert started with a vivacious acapella trio. I was third in line. Then my Pastor approached the stage and introduced herself and me. I scurried up to the platform, nonchalant about my nondescript and unglamourous appearance. I’d long ago discarded my adherence to looking beautiful and well-coifed because it took so much energy to get through each hour. It had come to the point where it took an enormous amount of focus to do basic chores, my exercise routine, my daily voice scales and guitar practice. My only concern now, was to focus  on my performance-ministering in God’s anointing. To people enduring catastrophic illness, outward, perfect beauty is the last concern. Our symptoms wear us out to the point that we can’t be concerned that our make-up is perfect. Anyway, my lipstick and mascara always smeared or wore off halfway into any activity. My face always ended up leaning on my hands as I tried to position my head and neck in a comfortable way. Such is dealing with an upper cervical-spinal issue. I felt peaceful as I faced the audience.
“I’m so blessed and thankful to be here tonight despite having a very difficult almost nine years struggling with Dystina-TMJ, a neurological disorder similar to Parkinson. I’m so glad to be here to encourage any of you who are stiffening with any kind of illness. No matter who you are, God cares about what you are going through. Indeed, His eye is on the sparrow and as He is attentive to a tiny sparrow falling to the ground, so much more so are you precious in His sight”

The strains of my guitar and voice filled the church and I felt at ease, hardly aware of any muscles neck spasms. It was amazing how relaxed I now felt,compared to the preceding hour of anguish in my neck. I knew it was all Him! At the end of His Eye Is on the Sparrow, I paused for a second.  My eyes swept across the people’s faces as they sat spell bound watching me and listening to my every word. My face softened and I said, “It is well. It is Well.”
I then felt a surge of strength and stated, “You know, no weapon formed against you shall proper and Satan is under your feet. Get a hold of that and decide to walk powerfully in God’s strength. The devil is under your feet!”

JACKSON BAPTIST Church concert June  5, 2016

The audience grabbed a hold of that one and I preceded to sing It is well. I was joyful to hear one of the drummers accompanying me and my performance came alive with God’s hope and victory for everyone who’d choose to believe that all is well because of Christ’s victory on the cross!

By the third verse, everyone was standing and joined in through the end of the song! The chorus…It is well, with my soul reverberated with the layered harmonies of many voices. It was a transcendent moment for me! Father God punctuated His daughter’s glorifying music performance with His healing presence.

As I left the stage with the applause still lingering, the wicked spasms came back with a vengeance and I told Mark and my friend I had to lay down. I rushed to our HHR car and rested, immediately feeling less pressure in my neck. After about a half an hour, I decided to go back in, in case there was anyone who wanted to talk with me or have prayer. I was immediately approaches by several people One tall lady in particular, grabbed my hand.

“Hello sister and what can I pray with you for?”I asked.

“I was so blessed…so blessed by your songs. ” She gushed with tear-filled eyes. ” I have Lupus and have been very depressed for a long time.” She went on to share a little of her story and then a pastor joined me as I prepared to pray over the sister. Quite a few more people approached me to hug me and shake my hand and then I felt weak with the excitement and challenge of the night. I retreated back to the car to rest.

As I meditate and chronicle this pivotal evening of my life, I ponder the mystery of my battle-journey.  This TMJ-Dystonia condition has affected me in so many ways, some bad, but mostly good. Anyone diagnosed with a chronic illness will first ask, “Why me, God?” Then they will become angry at the injustice of it all and then resign themselves, either to resentment-bitterness or they decide that they will fight back and make the best of it! I have chosen to be the victorer and make the best of this daunting trial and trust that father will get all the glory from it!l

My encouragement to anyone enduring a daily or terminal illness is to weight your thoughts, dreams, standards and hopes by God’s word and His living presence. The Bible doesn’t answer all the the Jobian mysteries of a catastrophic health condition. For me it’s been groping my way through a dark maze and then leaving the “out” door onto a terrain riddled with land mines. Failure and death lurks beside every mine and one wrong step could propel you into the cemetery of resignation. I’ve often asked myself why I forge forward in my research, knowledge of Biblical healing and preventative medicine, (natural healing) when I’m daily almost overwhelmed with these devastating muscle-neurological and bio-chemical abnormalities.

I’ve learned from Dr Caroline Leaf (brain scientist) about the utter complexity of how the brain and the nuero-transmitters react to stress and trauma. From her research I’ve gleaned amazing insight on the importance of learning, meditating and relying on God’s divine and superior knowledge. After all, He did create and fashion our bodies in the most unfathomable ways ways!

Coming from a background of extreme abuse (bullying and domestic violence) and suffering much rejection because of generational sins, and then being redeemed  and transformed by Christ’s Yashuha’s love and freedom, reminds me  of my vow to the evil powers that be, that I will never again live in bondage. Though these devastating symptoms threaten me each day to hold me captive, I’ve relied on God’s Holy Spirit to empower me with His all-abiding strength, resilience and the possibility of total healing-restoration! Who else can promise that? Neither doctors, nor the toxic drugs they push can promise the prefect healing of our physician, Christ the messiah whose very stripes enabled us to walk in restoration!

close up anita OG

I, for one, need nothing else, but Him. The irony of my health journey has been that my enemy has tried to silence me by afflicting the very tools of my ministry. A worship leader-psalmist-speaker’s mouth and voice are the instruments with which she/he expounds God’s healing words, promises and anointed presence. Only in God’s presence is healing, so my enemy has chosen to viciously attack me, ( in my neck, vocal chords, throat and jaw) so that he can shut me down and shut off God’s healing works through me!

Ten years ago, somewhat vivacious and passionately aspired to get signed and go on tour, I never would have imagined to join the ranks of the “disabled” population.  Any pride or self-reliance I had is now completely extinguished and I’ve been brought to the place of humble submission…total reliance on Him alone!. This is Father’s refining process for me. I’m on his potters’ wheel and He is shaping me to what he wishes me to be. (Now, I can’t say that I’m always still and yielding) but mostly, I trust that He knows what He is doing.

He is using a chosen instrument, not of my parents ilk. None of my parents were musicians, nether were any composers or played instruments! It has been a testimony for God to teach me how to play guitar and compose the beautiful Psalms he has given me. It will be seven years since beginning the recording of my album MOD PROPHET and then my worship CD,  The Anointing, His Presence. They are nearing completion, getting more polished and glorious with each song. I will not stop and neither shall my enemy stop my mouth from praising Him and teaching the world of His great promises and Love.

The songbird will sing!

 

SECULAR MUSIC VS SACRED MUSIC


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Should Christians listen to Secular Music?

As a teen-ager, my mind brimmed over with fashion designers-costuming and sketching creations. I planned to be a rock star when I grew up. Watching Cher and Ann Wilson fronting their groups made me desire to be a beautiful singing talent to the world. I was one of those teenagers who had no interest in drugs, partying or sleeping around. I planned to be a virgin for my husband. Fast forward eight years later, I accepted my precious Jesus Christ in a spirit-filled Pentecostal church. I was introduced to singing 3 and four part harmony with two sisters at that church.

Several years later, God had me meet with a innovative guitarist who has been one of my best friends for 27 years. Chris asked me to front his Christian rock band and I was forever changed. I had a beautiful voice, large range and could harmonize anything! Holy Spirit brought out the most amazing songs through Chris’ guitar, my voice and lyrics touching on every subject from praise & worship, to the worth of the unborn, to genocide, social issues and precious love songs. We had a pure relationship, though he had conflicts with the other band members and myself because of his controlling tendencies. Chris kept evolving musicallly, (and I went along with him) and we were composing advanced jazz and blues songs. My journey as a front woman, took me to amazing places emotionally and spiritually. Though I had to end my relationship with Chris, it made me seek Father god and Jesus even more. I grieved for the loss , but a few years later Father brought a wonderful new friend into my life who bought my first CD of my original compositions which I recorded with my first producer. He was so impressed with the quality of my voice, he came over my house with his guitar, taught me a few basic chords and left with, “Get comfortable with it and play everyday.”

To make a VERY long story short, I fell in love with the guitar and my technique and skill at composing grew sublimely quickly, writing my first spiritual song in a month! I began experimenting with different chord positions and bought a jazz chord book which led to me composing songs for my second CD and then a jazz worship Cd with my first guitar song writing partner, Chris
Years, (and many recording-performing projects with great studio producers and session musicians) later, God opened up my spirit to vast amounts of musical elements with which to compose music for His glory and for music describing events, relationships and social issues. So, with all this in mind and all my experience and joy as a composer, performing artist and prophetic worship leader, I compare musical expression to being a painter.

If God gave us a palette of about three or four main hues, ( with endless possibilities in the blending together various colors), why can’t musicians use the musical notes and chords as lavishly? There are hundreds maybe thousands of possible variations of colors in the spectrum and with the exception of a few bold and innovation Christian artists, the majority of artists on KLOVE or most Christian stations use the same chordal formula and the same stale lyrics.
Isn’t our God vastly creative and endlessly innovative? Aren’t we made in His image and with the same ability to innovate the greatest works of art and music…far above non-sacred composers and artists?

I don’t mean to put down KLOVE or any Christian station, but God’s people, who have a platform to exhibit His greatness settle for mediocrity or what has been done or follow the trends of secular radio stations play and the A&R moguls pump out. I personally find very little of the Christian music market interesting, probably because of my experimenting with compelling and captivating chords and notes!

I’ve heard Biblical scholars say that Lucifer was the most beautiful angel endued with transcendent musical talent. Ezekiel 28:13. If he was he may have had every creative idea possible on every instrument. And of course, he inspired the greatest musicians, artists and writers of out time with his rebellious and tainted influence. So…what happened to that same transcendent creativity and talent issuing from GOD through his artists? I can only think of a few modern artist like Phil Keaggy and Keith Green and a handful of classical artist with extra-ordinary giftings, but this is not usually the case.

A blogger commented on Ugochi’s post, Ese says, “I struggled with deleting my favorite rock songs from her collection” I had to struggle also because most of my favorites have that quintessence that most Christian artists I hear don’t have. Sorry to say this. It’s even harder for Christian Jazz avant-gardecollaboration auddio max 1 composers to discard their secular collection. Here’s where some of us experienced and advanced composers-artist stand. The lack of innovation and problem-solving by God’s people not only involves musical creativity but also directly affects social issues and humanitarian challenges! Another subject for another post.

In my case, to the pure all things are pure.

Liberal Wisdom and Revelation


book open pages

Liberal Wisdom and Revelation
Journal Entry Saturday January 3, 2015

It is Saturday January third 2015…a new year. In March, it will be eight years dealing with the violent Dystonia spasms of my neck and throat. Mark and I have been back from out Missouri trip: attending Pastor Mel Bond’s miracle healing service. I had positive expectations of God’s creative manifestation. Having already read his powerful book on spiritual warfare and watching his You Tube healing videos, I knew him to be a soft-spoken and gracious man, not using hype to expound God’s greatness in healing. Besides the anticipation of meeting Pastor Mel in person, countless thoughts swirled in my mind. The usual, how could I be serving Father for so long and still be in miserable physical  torment despite continually declaring His healing words and taking authority over any negative thought, event or symptom. It was very frustrating to desire more of Holy Spirit and yet still suffering intensely.

Thus my continuing quest to understand the connection between my head knowledge and Father’s divine pathway to healing.

I meditate once again upon the much-read, but never fully revealed first chapter of Ephesians. Each time I reread it, I feel energized and my spirit illuminated. How can one not read the extravagant words without stopping to meditate upon God’s fatherly resplendent love and provision. He has given us every heavenly and earthly blessing to enjoy! What a book brimming with and explaining the nuances of our appointed divine treasures that father God has ordained to us since the beginning of time! I must admit that I have read the book of Ephesians hundreds of times since 1982, (the year of my salvation re-birth) and wonder why, at this late age, it strikes me in such a powerful way, so much so that I want to compose a tract and share it with the world!

Eph. 1: 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoptions as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself according to the good pleasure of His will.

Just this opening statement in itself brims over with divine  abundance! Chapter seven continues elaborating on Father’s glorious  extravagance. blessings

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins according to the riches of his grace which he made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, having made known to us the mystery of His will according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself.

The first chapters of Ephesians is the introduction to the entry and adoption into the family of God! What a wonderful destiny to embrace and yet so many of God’s people are suffering in body and/or enduring poverty and need.

God’s people are now living in the great expanse of knowledge, written in Daniel 12:4)  In these present end times the church is also receiving the full brunt of satan’s rage. I ponder the irony of Paul’s declaring of the glorious destiny that every child of God receives once he follows Jesus Christ. God’s people are indeed perishing from lack of knowledge (there are many ways to perish). How can we awake and walk in that glorious destiny unless we are taught the word of God. Handling the word of God. 2 tim 2:15

Live call in Prayer hosted by Pastor Janet Ellsworth.

Each night at 12:30 am, I tune into CTN Christian network program You and Me, hosted by pastor Janet Ellsworth. This amazing woman of God always has an apt word for God’s children and she is always authoritative, yet enthusiastic and compassionate. As the night goes on and many callers share their burdens, I am astounded at how man are tormented with grievous bodily afflictions. Many call for a financial blessing and still many others ask for deliverance and demons to stop harassing them. It looks to me that the majority of God’s people have not received the pre-ordained blessings as cited in Ephesians and that their pastors, bishops, priests and rabbi’s have not taught them the very basics of the Christ life! Truly, it grieves my heart that so many brothers and sisters are greatly suffering. There are requests for healing and restoration of bodies as many are bedridden, house-bound and hospitalized. Surely, satan is  busy deploying his demons to hinder the gospel from going out into the streets by keeping God’s people in bondage. Something is seriously wrong!

We read in the Gospels’ how Jesus traveled from town to town and was deeply grieved at the wandering, suffering throngs that followed him for healing. During those times, people had little defense against demonic attack or possession. We see so many examples of people being enslaved by spirits of infirmity. We read that Jesus groaned in His spirit at the masses of the precious people scattered as lost sheep without a shepherd. He became known and glorified as the gentle healer.

Pastor Janet’s You and Me call in program is greatly needed. She begins the program with scripture and ends by ministering in compassionate prayer. People need to be taught the very basics of living in Christ,  (particularly, spiritual warfare) and to know how to defend themselves against satanic attack and oppression!  Many have no idea how demons got into their homes, attached themselves to their rebellious children or even how a voo-doo curse was placed by a angry, jealous neighbor or co-worker! This is reality. This is what God’s people are enduring. Sadly, many pastors have no idea how to cast out a demon or counsel and release an enslaved brother or sister out of bondage from a generational curse. This is incomprehensible. We must move away from the tepid Methodist and lukewarm, religious circles, because we are at war with a vicious and relentless enemy!

We read in the gospels about Jesus astounding (Exousia) authority! He promised that after He rose from the dead we would also be walking in both Dunimus) and w. Are pastors teaching the flock how to wield heavenly armament? How many Christians even know what dunimus and exousia are in the first place? I just recently heard a powerful teaching by John Paul Jackson. he elaborated on the power and authority we have in Christ. Yet, I see God’s people doing worse than non-believers! Again, I say something is wrong. We may have a testing period where we are struggling financially, but poverty and need should not be a permanent lifestyle, otherwise we’d be unable  to provide for the needs of the orphans, widows and the poor in our circle?

For the new year, pastors , church leaders and elders need to start getting with the program. It is time for the church to walk and abide in the great callings Paul taught in the book of Ephesians. He asks that we obtain the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of God and that our eyes be enlightened about the hope of His calling! Wow, that sounds like divine living. In that kind of living, there is joy unspeakable and full of glory. We are able to endure difficult times and circumstances in full hope that Jesus is always with us, even in the storm! Are God’s people so full of joy that the world sees it and rejoices? Does our joyful countenance make people compelled to taste and see that the Lord is good and invite them to be their Lord and Savior?.

But the church is too busy going on a witch hunt and scrutinizing small matters of personal conviction rather than teaching the glorious and edifying ways of Christ.

We can no longer abide in a place of lack or ignorance regarding achieving the full array of the glorious promises Father wants us to have. He wishes us to be prosperous and in good health. Yes, there will be times of testing when we may have to endure sickness for a while for His glory, in expectation of healing and restoration. There will be times when Father will allow a satanic attack to buffet us (as in Paul’s case when he asked God three times to take away the thorn in his flesh) , but use it as spiritual muscle-building test so Father is glorified.

The church is directed to build up each other in faith, in gifts and in callings. Love and edifying are the chief goals, but next in line is successful spiritual warfare and knowing our adversary the devil is about seeking to destroy. . Love and wisdom must walk hand in hand.

This January begins a fresh year where I’ll enter the next phase of God’s divine destiny, power, wisdom and prosperity. We must not think prosperity is limited to financial wealth, but wholeness in every area). Father invites us to ask Him for wisdom and we must not stop at where we are, but ask Him to continue imbue us with dunamis (dynamite) wisdom and exousia (authoritative) wisdom!

God bless you!

In the Waiting Room


Standing in Faith for Divine Restoration

I’m in the waiting room. It is the same room where Job wrestled with himself and God. This waiting room is a spiritual area where an afflicted and suffering child of God straddles , (and struggles with) the blurred line of complete faith and trepidatious pain.

In the waiting room, I’m reading the book of cures for all conditions, despite the fact that I dread the fact that I may wake up to yet another day where this stabbing in my Jaw joint will relentless pummel me to the point of sobbing out loud for relief. I may not be scraping erupting boils off my skins with a sharp piece of pottery, but I am fighting thoughts of being in never-never land with my heavenly father, where there will be no more tears or suffering. What keeps me going is the truth that my Redeemer lives.

God has sent me off downhill on the front seat of a racing rail car in to uncharted territory. For those of us dealing with acute chronic pain without medication, I’ve spent years wracking my brain trying to pinpoint the source of my distress. I’ve also exhausted every option of treatment, to no avail and have also been through countless doctors who’ve treated me with every healing modality available.

I stand here, scratching my head, wondering what to do with myself. I follow Jesus with a devoted heart and know of a certainly that Father God is not the giver of this tormenting disease, but my enemy satan who has sent out one or several of his minions to torment me.

I’m pretty much exhausted and disgusted by all the years of driving to doctors and trying this and that with no relief. I wonder every day how other children of God deal with their excruciating pain. I’ve amassed a library of books on deliverance and getting myself free.

I’ve experienced and learned quite a bit since my other Dystonia blogs from several years ago. I hope this latest one will give a little more insight and a little more hope to the hopeless!

Prayer avails much and the more yo know about the specifics of your condition, the more confidently you can pray in full assurance that Yashuah, or healer shall heal or sickness! Always put prayer at the top of your list, asking Father for supernatural wisdom and whether you’ll need to be treated by a good doctor.

First off, here are a few links that yo may want to check into. My issue has been violent twitching of the neck, mouth, tongue and throat areas, particularity the Platysma muscles and Temporo Mandibular Jaw joint, TMJ. I have done all kinds of research to find a way to sooth the pain in that area.

Dystonia of the lower face cold be cased by Trigeminal Neuyraligia

http://neurosurgery.uthscsa.edu/display_patients.php?ps_id=61&pg

You may also want to pray and ask Father if your resistant Lyme or Dystonia could be linked to a spiritual root. My husband and I just finished a week-long stint of powerful teachings on the spiritual roots of Disease. Although I am very acquainted with the scriptures, I was very surprised to learn about how satan can afflict God’s people with disease and sickness through open doorways of sin or generational curses. Many pastors and denominations insist that once we accept Christ as our Savior it’s a done deal. But there are too many Christians who love Christ and are trying to live godly lives who are suffering greatly from the effects of things that happened during their childhood, in early adolescence and even in the womb! I would leave no stone unturned when it comes to walking in total healing and deliverance.

Doctor Henry Wright, founder of BE IN Health teaching ministries and author of his book, says much about sin being a cause of our stubborn and chronic sickness.

http://www.beinhealth.com/public/

Here are some excellent ministries who specialize in deliverance if you find your symptoms are not improving.

Robert Heldler
http://www.amazon.com/Set-Yourself-Free-Deliverance-Manual/dp/0979167809

Pastor Derek Prince

Pastor Suddoth
Righteous Acts Ministries

I also highly recommend detoxifying your body as best as you can. Since Lyme is also connected with mercury start today on a dedicated detoxifying regimen. You’ll still have to deal with pain or discomfort but the less toxins, bacteria and fungi you have the more energetic you’ll be.

Doctor sherry Rogers, book “DETOXIFY or DIE”

http://organicconnectmag.com/sherry-rogers-md-god-designed-the-body-to-heal/#.U0cKRlOwXrY

Above all, Dr Jesus is your chief physician, so pray, declare those scriptures and rejoice, even if you’re sobbing in agony! My life has been so complicated, as many of you also have. May we love each other and fervently pray for each other as Jesus commands us and share the secrets of healing and restoration with each other. The world truly knows we are Christian when we love and cherish each other.

For the Love of People


Pee-Wee loves to minister!

Pee-Wee loves to minister!

For the LOVE of People

Coming from a broken family, enduring bullying as a teen and surviving domestic violence and divorce, Anita Ferrer, went on a quest to understand human behavior and relationships.

After accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of her life in 1982, Anita was introduced to ministering to the elderly in nursing homes and later speaking to the incarcerated at Correctional facilities and maximum security prisons. Her faith walk drew her into a compassionate love affair with hurting, broken and ailing people. The pain, loss and failures of her own life gave her a passion to understand and help restore the lives of people who had lost their way or were alone.
Anita’s praying and seeking for more schooling in the areas of social sciences led her to study the humanities at Brookdale Community College, Lincroft, NJ. Under the tutelage of supportive professors who helped her to explore the dynamics of being human, she blossomed. “On Death and Dying,(Hospice)” “Writing from the Female Experience” and her “Advance Creative Writing Projects” with Dr Carl Calender continued to hone and meld her writing with outreach/ministry.

Immediately after graduating magna-cum-laude with a 3.85 GPA, Anita was hired as a Behavior Modification counselor at Nutri-System Weight Loss Center and as a youth mentor for the Youth Advocate Program in Eatontown, NJ. These two positions gave her the hands-on experience to teach, encourage and “help “soul sculpt” people from many ages and backgrounds struggling with challenges in their lives.

Pee-Wee loves momma Betty!

Pee-Wee loves momma Betty!

In 1998, Anita was hired as program coordinator of “Just the Right Touch, ” a ministry of “Love in the Name of Christ”, Eatontown, NJ. The unique program for misplaced and young women entering the job force from the welfare rolls, primed her for running a ministry boutique for the poor of Monmouth County, NJ. She cherishes deeply, the people she meet and helped to get back on their feet.

Presently, Anita is finishing up the recording of her two CD’s, “Mod Prophet” a hard rock “message” tinged work and The Anointing, her first worship and Praise CD. In between looking after her husband, cats, designing photography books and home, she regularly ministers to her favorite people, the elderly at Buttonwood Hospital, Burlington, NJ and her mom and other residents at Brandywine assisted Living center, Bricktown NJ. Her ministry cat Pee-Wee, who accompanies her, always brings smiles to the residents!

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Anita smiles, “ I’m so blessed to do my ministry outreach to those with so many more problems than me as I recuperate from a long period of :Lyme Disease, Dystonia, (a neurological disorder) and mercury I’m recovering soon and doing even more. I love seeing others restored! I look to Jesus and depend on Him, moment to moment for the strength to be as creative and productive each day. No matter how bad I feel, He’s always there. And I also couldn’t do it all without my precious husband, Mark!”

Performing at Buttonwood

GOD’S DREAMS


Journal Entry, May 8, 2010

The gown in the window of “Elegant Alternative” bridal shop caught my eyes, at a canary yellow confection that made me stop in my tracks. I inched closer to take a better look. My fried flounder at next door’s MR Shrimp would have to wait. Slightly in back of the featured yellow gown was another glorious gown of white with sweeping turquoise & lime green swirls and flowers outlined in matching sequins. I imagined myself sitting at a sewing machine whipping up one of these for  myself and as an internationally known and loved fashion designer.

I took a fifteen minute  meal break from my back-breaking job delivering telephone books. As a fifteen year old with aspirations of  designing outrageously glitzy gowns for Cher, I  never would have imagined I’d be battling horrendous traffic to the loading dock and then spending the day dragging phone books up and down hills with my hand cart in Shark River Hills, Neptune, NJ.

A far cry from a glamorous life sewing in a beautiful downtown Manhattan showroom and having the upper echelon of wealthy rock stars, models and actresses hurrying to make appointments to see my collection and buy! Each latest design would be featured in the top Fifth Avenue  fashion publications. Over the years, one or two opportunities came my way, but because of so many oppositions and mishaps facing me, all fell through. Like Joseph languishing in prison, professionals, (Christian and non-Christian)  in my desired fields of music and fashion all forgot about me. Over many years, I struggled greatly with depression, wondering why God never allowed me to be internationally known.

When overwhelmed and tired from the physical strain of my job, I’m often tempted to regret and mourn about what could have been. I know the enemy is constantly directing our thoughts to the past, hurts and mistakes. But I know that God has planned my life and is orchestrating circumstances for His glory!  I don’t always remember, But I know that praising Him and thanking Him for all circumstances keeps me close to Him and in His will. I can’t blame God for old unwise choices or for fears that stopped me from taking a step of faith.  Fear is a great killer of God’s dreams., but He is a God of second chances. Thankfully, when we shirk from a great opportunity because we think we aren’t ready and we lose a chance for a breakthrough, He still has a plan B or C.

My dream may have been to madly pursue a Fashion Design career, but God has already promoted me to a new calling. I’ve accepted and look expectantly and with diligence to the next great thing He’s already ordained. I hope I can encourage others who’s progress and dreams have been thwarted because of fear. It is never too late for God to restore and exalt. We must wait upon Him and then we will soar with wings as eagles.

CHRISTIAN MUSIC, A Part of my Story


DSCN2555As an aspiring, physically-challenged and independent song-writer-worship leader for 28 years, I’ve seen the best and worse from the Christian music industry. When Margaret Becker debuted with her “Never for Nothing” (Heart-tinged spiritual power rock and ballads), I fell in love.
Her heart-felt passion and yearning for her Heavenly Father and “higher things” captured my attention. I wanted to be just like Margaret, fronting a tight band with her electric guitar and sharing the transforming love of Christ with the world

Things did not go as I’d planned, quite the opposite, I was diagnosed with Lyme, Disease, a destructive killer that often maimed and killed its victims. But God had plans for me and despite many years of postponing my recording and not finding the right production for my material, I stayed true to His call.

My years battling immune disorders took me to great depths of despair, but God continually inspired me with poetry and melodies which I kept in my heart for the right time. It was a lonely journey.  Coincidentally, God also put people in my path many who also struggled with life-threatening illnesses and I found I had a heart eager to mentor them through their medical-health crisis with the wisdom God was grooming in me! My battles and trials were amounting to great spiritual successes.

I continued to receive great inspiration to write songs. I continued to record the new material, but it just didn’t portray me or catch the attention of  major label A&R people. I  invited a rapper-preacher to showcase with me at a Bradley beach, NJ outdoor summer concert in 1992.. Reverend Kevin Nunn was amazed watching me lug and set up my heavy PA equipment before the show. He saw my passion and devotion to the Lord and remarked that my voice was lovely and my messages so powerful.

“Girl…with that voice and range, you need better production to hook the listener in!”
Kevin dragged me into his studio to re-mix “Til It Happens To You” and other folk-style recordings. Even though I balked at remixing my white-bread songs to a Christian urban Black audience , (because I felt I was corny)  Kevin said, Brother  Paul reiterated “I am ALL things to all people.”

Since that concert, fast  forward, fifteen years have passed , (and  almost five original and two cover albums later), still disappointed that my audience and fan base hasn’t exploded,  but knowing that God would one day bring much fruit from my  infrequent live performances. Though my present TMJ-Dystonia challenge has halted much of what I’d love to do with my live performing,  I stay focused and disciplined with my voice scales and composing everyday.

I am forever grateful for my song-writer friend who encouraged me to join Indie  Heaven,  online  Christian musician network. There on the forum, I got to network with the finest and aspiring amateurs who sought a platform for their gifts. CEO, Keith Mohr, our seasoned veteran founder had so much to teach us. Every one of us listened and learned all we could from Keith’s wisdom and expertise from the Christian music industry. Though I was often frustrated with my slow  progress, (of pinpointing the niche my eclectic-vintage style fit into) I stood my ground. I was here to stay!

One thing we artist had to learn was to be flexible, (about changing our baby, our songs)  but focused on our artistic growth. Many locked horns with Keith, but he stood his ground. He would say, “Take it or leave it” regarding his counsel. And many disgruntled members did leave with unkind words.  God used Keith to ruffle or feathers and smoothing our rough edges. I’ve seen tough spirits soften and Keith stretching out his neck to fill music and ministry needs. I’m happy to say that I’m staying here because Keith’s wisdom is logical and sound. And he really is a great guy!

http://www.indieheaven.com/artist_main.php?id=6487

The music industry (especially) the Christian music industry must be navigated with excellence and caution. Indie heaven is the place where you learn about great producing, recording technique, song-writing artistry, common-sense wisdom about networking and  self-confidence. Here is where you come as you are and get groomed and  polished for the industry. It’s also the place to learn about and understand the industry and most importantly, learn and become true ministry.

An added blessing is Sue Ross-Mohr,  music consultant and Keith’s amazing wife , who brings  to Indie Heaven her intuition about people’s hidden and unique gifts. Sue has spotted my artistry in writing, saying that I need to write a 5-book series because I have so much to say.. Her insight and expertise has been invaluable and I’m deeply grateful and humbled that she has given of herself to assist me in my difficult journey.

Keith often reminds us that there is no higher calling than serving. Serving in the spirit of deep Christ-like sacrificial love brings true joy and fulfillment. Indie heaven is a good place to sharpen your people skills and fine-tune your artistry. Margaret Becker and Keith Mohr have been my greatest music influences. May my Heavenly Father  continue to bless their  callings.

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