SILENCING the SONGBIRD


angel in  copper silk gown1“Lord, help me get through this. Help me, please” I kept saying as my jaw and mouth started to throb and convulse. I boldly accepted my pastor’s invitation to perform at the Jackson Baptist glory Celebration, a musical worship concert of local worship leaders and teams. A week ago, I emailed Pastor Sandra that I’d be performing His Eye is on the Sparrow and It is Well, two of my favorites that I sang to the residents of my area nursing home and the local physical rehabilitation centers. Those two songs were staples because they were a reminder of God’s promise to me that He was with me even in the valley. I had to play these two songs on my guitar almost everyday, just to remind myself that indeed, despite the incessant, tormenting pulling in my neck, the jerking of my arms and the rapid opening and closing of my mouth, one day, I would be released. It took every ounce of focus to do anything of substance. During this TMJ-Dystonia tenure, I’d programmed myself to call upon the Lord to strengthen me.. Steadfast confidence and reliance on Him was always the reward. That was who Father was,…always gracious in answering my prayer to give my best to my performances.

As more people entered the church, I could feel the excitement, which propelled me even more to be in close communion with Father. My husband Mark, saw I was in distress and massaged my neck. A girlfriend showed up, excited and encouraging and also gave me a neck massage.
People were filling into the well-lit church while the musicians and singers waited on the platform for the sound engineer to tweak their sound. My turn came and I adjusted the microphone. An older guitarist gentleman told me I could plug my guitar to his box which was a blessing so I didn’t have to set up all my effects pedals. Then I took a back seat near the edge of the church so people wouldn’t see my mouth contort. I hunched over in my seat, trying to take deep breaths to control the violent pulling and spasming in my neck. I felt an anxiety rise up, which always happened when the muscles got inflamed from the continua movement of my jaw. I continued to pray and stay alert .It was getting harder and harder to stay comfortable and I had to fight the impulse to run to the car and lay on my back for relief.

Finally, the concert started with a vivacious acapella trio. I was third in line. Then my Pastor approached the stage and introduced herself and me. I scurried up to the platform, nonchalant about my nondescript and unglamourous appearance. I’d long ago discarded my adherence to looking beautiful and well-coifed because it took so much energy to get through each hour. It had come to the point where it took an enormous amount of focus to do basic chores, my exercise routine, my daily voice scales and guitar practice. My only concern now, was to focus  on my performance-ministering in God’s anointing. To people enduring catastrophic illness, outward, perfect beauty is the last concern. Our symptoms wear us out to the point that we can’t be concerned that our make-up is perfect. Anyway, my lipstick and mascara always smeared or wore off halfway into any activity. My face always ended up leaning on my hands as I tried to position my head and neck in a comfortable way. Such is dealing with an upper cervical-spinal issue. I felt peaceful as I faced the audience.
“I’m so blessed and thankful to be here tonight despite having a very difficult almost nine years struggling with Dystina-TMJ, a neurological disorder similar to Parkinson. I’m so glad to be here to encourage any of you who are stiffening with any kind of illness. No matter who you are, God cares about what you are going through. Indeed, His eye is on the sparrow and as He is attentive to a tiny sparrow falling to the ground, so much more so are you precious in His sight”

The strains of my guitar and voice filled the church and I felt at ease, hardly aware of any muscles neck spasms. It was amazing how relaxed I now felt,compared to the preceding hour of anguish in my neck. I knew it was all Him! At the end of His Eye Is on the Sparrow, I paused for a second.  My eyes swept across the people’s faces as they sat spell bound watching me and listening to my every word. My face softened and I said, “It is well. It is Well.”
I then felt a surge of strength and stated, “You know, no weapon formed against you shall proper and Satan is under your feet. Get a hold of that and decide to walk powerfully in God’s strength. The devil is under your feet!”

JACKSON BAPTIST Church concert June  5, 2016

The audience grabbed a hold of that one and I preceded to sing It is well. I was joyful to hear one of the drummers accompanying me and my performance came alive with God’s hope and victory for everyone who’d choose to believe that all is well because of Christ’s victory on the cross!

By the third verse, everyone was standing and joined in through the end of the song! The chorus…It is well, with my soul reverberated with the layered harmonies of many voices. It was a transcendent moment for me! Father God punctuated His daughter’s glorifying music performance with His healing presence.

As I left the stage with the applause still lingering, the wicked spasms came back with a vengeance and I told Mark and my friend I had to lay down. I rushed to our HHR car and rested, immediately feeling less pressure in my neck. After about a half an hour, I decided to go back in, in case there was anyone who wanted to talk with me or have prayer. I was immediately approaches by several people One tall lady in particular, grabbed my hand.

“Hello sister and what can I pray with you for?”I asked.

“I was so blessed…so blessed by your songs. ” She gushed with tear-filled eyes. ” I have Lupus and have been very depressed for a long time.” She went on to share a little of her story and then a pastor joined me as I prepared to pray over the sister. Quite a few more people approached me to hug me and shake my hand and then I felt weak with the excitement and challenge of the night. I retreated back to the car to rest.

As I meditate and chronicle this pivotal evening of my life, I ponder the mystery of my battle-journey.  This TMJ-Dystonia condition has affected me in so many ways, some bad, but mostly good. Anyone diagnosed with a chronic illness will first ask, “Why me, God?” Then they will become angry at the injustice of it all and then resign themselves, either to resentment-bitterness or they decide that they will fight back and make the best of it! I have chosen to be the victorer and make the best of this daunting trial and trust that father will get all the glory from it!l

My encouragement to anyone enduring a daily or terminal illness is to weight your thoughts, dreams, standards and hopes by God’s word and His living presence. The Bible doesn’t answer all the the Jobian mysteries of a catastrophic health condition. For me it’s been groping my way through a dark maze and then leaving the “out” door onto a terrain riddled with land mines. Failure and death lurks beside every mine and one wrong step could propel you into the cemetery of resignation. I’ve often asked myself why I forge forward in my research, knowledge of Biblical healing and preventative medicine, (natural healing) when I’m daily almost overwhelmed with these devastating muscle-neurological and bio-chemical abnormalities.

I’ve learned from Dr Caroline Leaf (brain scientist) about the utter complexity of how the brain and the nuero-transmitters react to stress and trauma. From her research I’ve gleaned amazing insight on the importance of learning, meditating and relying on God’s divine and superior knowledge. After all, He did create and fashion our bodies in the most unfathomable ways ways!

Coming from a background of extreme abuse (bullying and domestic violence) and suffering much rejection because of generational sins, and then being redeemed  and transformed by Christ’s Yashuha’s love and freedom, reminds me  of my vow to the evil powers that be, that I will never again live in bondage. Though these devastating symptoms threaten me each day to hold me captive, I’ve relied on God’s Holy Spirit to empower me with His all-abiding strength, resilience and the possibility of total healing-restoration! Who else can promise that? Neither doctors, nor the toxic drugs they push can promise the prefect healing of our physician, Christ the messiah whose very stripes enabled us to walk in restoration!

close up anita OG

I, for one, need nothing else, but Him. The irony of my health journey has been that my enemy has tried to silence me by afflicting the very tools of my ministry. A worship leader-psalmist-speaker’s mouth and voice are the instruments with which she/he expounds God’s healing words, promises and anointed presence. Only in God’s presence is healing, so my enemy has chosen to viciously attack me, ( in my neck, vocal chords, throat and jaw) so that he can shut me down and shut off God’s healing works through me!

Ten years ago, somewhat vivacious and passionately aspired to get signed and go on tour, I never would have imagined to join the ranks of the “disabled” population.  Any pride or self-reliance I had is now completely extinguished and I’ve been brought to the place of humble submission…total reliance on Him alone!. This is Father’s refining process for me. I’m on his potters’ wheel and He is shaping me to what he wishes me to be. (Now, I can’t say that I’m always still and yielding) but mostly, I trust that He knows what He is doing.

He is using a chosen instrument, not of my parents ilk. None of my parents were musicians, nether were any composers or played instruments! It has been a testimony for God to teach me how to play guitar and compose the beautiful Psalms he has given me. It will be seven years since beginning the recording of my album MOD PROPHET and then my worship CD,  The Anointing, His Presence. They are nearing completion, getting more polished and glorious with each song. I will not stop and neither shall my enemy stop my mouth from praising Him and teaching the world of His great promises and Love.

The songbird will sing!

 

WAGING SPIRITUAL WARFARE WITH CONFIDENCE


sci-fi-published-at-in

For the wounded, vulnerable, and physically-challenged

Dear Precious sister or brother, are you discouraged? Are You disgusted and think Father God-Jesus has not heard nor answered your prayer? Are you worn out by fighting, crying and discouragement? Are you baffled and perplexed that you’re not only hit with one trial but  two, three or four at a time and you just cannot take one more hit?

I want to let you in on a little secret.on what is going on so you can adequately prepare and strengthen yourself in these daunting times. Many unseen things are happening in the spiritual realm. Satan’s time is short and he is stepping up his plans to “wear down” the saints of God. One of my spiritual mentors and pastors, Augusto Perez, sent us prayer intercessors an urgent prayer request a few years ago. I was taken aback and totally uninformed about the various demonic groups (sorcerers, warlocks and other”called” elite) whose MO is to destroy humanity at every cost. Only God Himself knows what  these ceremonies entailed for us here on planet earth. If you haven’t noticed, the spirits released from the abyss through these evil ceremonies are responsible for the  lawlessness, school shootings, ISIS attacks and a myriad of other atrocities.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/tribulation-now/2015/10/29/piercing-the-darkness-with-pastor-augusto-perez

You won’t hear this from the average pastor, but this is a reality and a VERY frightening reality for all the inhabitants of the earth. Thankfully, the Child of God abiding in God’s shelter does not have to fear the grave assaults of our nemesis.  Strategic plans to wear us down are  chronic and terminal sicknesses, financial distress,  wayward and rebellious children wreaking havoc on their families, nervous breakdowns,  domestic violence, suicide, irreconcilable differences causing divorces,  and substance abuse destroying families. These attacks are hitting  with vehemence and totality and the worse is yet to come, unless God’s people take seriously their marching orders to wage serious spiritual warfare.

http://mysteryoftheiniquity.com/2011/11/04/13-demon-skulls-13-mayan-elders/

The first place the body of Christ must start at is him/her heart and mouth. What comes out of our mouths is what determines the outcome of our trials and  satan’s attacks. Through brainstorming with  successful and victorious prayer warrior pastors and intercessors, I’ve gleaned some amazing strategies in these demonically-charged times. Many of you may be fearful regarding  the spiritual, financial and economical assaults globally, but now is not the time to shirk and run to our underground bunkers or delete your “Doomsday-prepper” friends” Facebook posts.

The body of Christ needs to awaken to the reality. The words of our mouth are the fruits of our hearts!  Oh my! This was a big one for me. How many years of my Christian life have I uttered words of doom and death on myself. “”Oh, I’ll never get well. I am so deep in debt, I will never get out. Or, that spouse, child or freind will never change” These are all negative declarations. Satan’s minions are standing by, laughing gleefully as you continue to dig yourself deeper into the pit of depression and negativity.

Transform your atmosphere with declarations  of God’s word. Transformation and hope will  become your reality. WOW! Imagine we daughters and sons of God creating our own divine realities by our very words and attitudes. I want to drive this point in…until it sinks in and you start to see how you can indeed by God’s very own fruitful tree…always bearing fruit. But first you’re going to have to admit this fault and ask God’s help to turn it around!

It took me decades to realize the truth…that my own failures and lacks were because of not abiding in the Lord’s very presence and absorbing His precious-life-giving words into my being!! Until we abide in this  divine truth, we will not achieve God’s great victories and soar in His divine purpose!

Did you know that satan has access to Father’s heavenly courts to accuse and malign us daily? Look what he did to poor Job?

Job 1:6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them.

We tie up God’s hands to  release His blessings and victories when we declare the opposite of what His word tells us! So, for example, we wonder why God has not provided for our rent, food and utilities and we complain and say ” I can’t make my paycheck meet my bills” Satan will use this very statement to God against you.

Your response to your need, “My God provides for ALL my needs according to His riches and glory.”  We must stop griping and mistrusting God if He chooses to answer our prayers at the eleventh hour, perhaps to test us to see if we really do believe He will come through. He tests us often to see if we will trust and obey, so be careful little mouths what you say because satan’s  spirits thrive and grow in the atmosphere of  complaining, resentment and fear. .

Let us also remember that the moment that we decided to serve and worship our Lord, we have enlisted in God’s army and it will be a journey of continual warfare because  satan wants to kill, steal and/or destroy us. Psalm 34:19,  Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the lord delivers him from them all.

We will also have to endure a “wilderness period” for growing in power and trust. These are necessary for us to reach our highest potential. As we grow in Christ, we must learn to be disciplined and consistent in our declarations so that God’s word becomes a part of us. Even great pastors, teachers and worship leaders can fall or get weak if they do not daily abide in God’s presence and word.  The more we read, study and meditate in God’s word, the more easily it will come our through our mouth as our powerfully-wielded weapon of spiritual warfare! There is no other way around it.  Make daily mediation and memorization of God’s word with Holy Spirits revelation  and you will see amazing results in your faith walk!

Some of you may have problems with memorization, but print out your power scriptures around your house or work areas. Speak them out loud. If you have health issues, look up and mediate on healing scriptures. If you are abandoned, isolated or been abused, look up scriptures of restoration. If you have financial lack, seek scriptures about God’s miraculous provision.

Many of us came from backgrounds of sever emotional and/or physical trauma,, chronic health crisis, loss, poverty, shame-body image issues, family dysfunctional, parental neglect. It often takes much longer for us to  retrain our minds. This is where Holy Spirit comes in, compassionate counseling and maybe even deliverance. God created our bodies and minds to heal from the greatest traumas.

http://drleaf.com/blog/

Dr Caroline Leaf, a brain scientist, teaches about how we can be transformed to the  beautiful, divine person God created us to be. We can be transformed by the renewing of our minds in Christ! Rom 12:2. For some of us with great wounds and traumas to address,  maintaining emotional  stability and joy can be very difficult, especially if we are isolated or ill. Here is where the body of Christ and compassionate counselors need to step in. When even these fail, we can look to Holy Spirit, our comforter, teacher and best freind. Being so isolated and challenged for over eight years with Dystonia, I have found great comfort in  resting in the presence of The holy Spirit!

Print out  your special verses and post them on your mirrors, refrigerator and doors. Keep worship music going all day if you can. DO NOT declare your infirmities of struggles as permanent. It is Father’s will for you to be whole. Even if you are  weary, heart-broken, or  disgusted,  try to avoid verbalizing out loud how you feel.

When you spend time in Father’s word, ask Holy Spirit to guide you on verses that will be your warfare prayer. DECLARE your special verses each day OUT loud because in our verbal declaration is our power. Abba God never lies and is never wrong. If our lives are amiss it’s because we are doing something wrong.  I’ve wasted many years as his daughter complaining and allowing depression to hinder my walk. I still struggle daily with pain & staggering fatigue, but I declare that I’m more than a conqueror and I can DO all things through Christ who strengthens me! I must daily declare my victory.
 My prayer  is that the following scripture verses will release you into your calling as an overcomer!
 Isaiah 62:3
The LORD will hold you in his hand for all to see–a splendid crown in the hand of God.

Fear not you are more than a conqueror because Jesus has already victored over our adversary and all his minions. Rom 8:37

IPhil 4:19   But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Hebrews 13:5
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Psalm 37:25
I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

Psalm 34:19

Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.

Psalm 91

The COVENANT PRAYER-SONG

Psalm  68:4-6

4Sing to God, sing praises to His name; Lift up a song for Him who rides through the deserts, Whose name is the LORD, and exult before Him. 5A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy habitation. 6God makes a home for the lonely; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity, Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land.…

Rev  12:11

They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

Heb 13:5

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”[a]

Slow But Steady Progress


Journal Entry, October 3, 2013
My Journey recovering from Lyme, Dystonia and heavy-metal, mercury Poisoning

I am redeemed from the curse and by Jesus’ stripes I am healed! This is the truth I hold on to each day as I grasp the Lord for my complete wholeness. I continue to make the many changes needed for my complete restoration. This morning, I wake up, thanking Him and praising Him for all He has done. I learned that God loves to her our praises and we appreciate all He has done for us. God despises complainers and I try my best, in spite of the great pain and discomfort, to endure each day.

Yesterday was a day from hell. My appointment to be fitted for a crown with Dr Elizabeth Piela, my holistic dentist. arrived. I don’t have to worry about more toxins entering my body with dental repairs. Dr Piela is thorough, not only highly knowledgeable, but also compassionate. She listens to me when I share my concerns and we brainstorm together for a solution. Quite unlike an arrogant Lyme Disease doctor in Stockton who rebuked my husband when he asked for confirmation that EDTA was good for mercury/heavy metal poisoning chelation. Such is the reality with most doctors, who are very arrogant regarding patients who are well-educated about their illness or condition.

I awoke to yet another beautiful, warm Indian summer day. My right jaw was still sore from over two and a half hours of being pried open for preparation of my crown. I was in agony and almost broke down in tears as my throat and jaw nerves kept convulsed. I couldn’t believe the procedure was taking so long, but doctor assured me it was necessary for the procedure. She gave me several shots in my gums so I wouldn’t feel the pain. I was glad I called a spiritual mother earlier in the day for prayer and agreement that I would have no horrendous pain afterwards. I thanked Jesus over and over each second we counted down for the mold to harden for my molar crown. Many thoughts flooded my mind as Dr worked on me. I was angry that the enemy had so attacked my body and teeth over the years and that my progress was so slow.

Continuing her work, Dr mentioned that magnetic detox clay did wonders for mercury. I could have slapped myself, because hubby Mark had purchased a supply for me, but I was always so overwhelmed with my protocol that I kept forgetting! I vowed to apply my clay as soon as I got home to speed up the detox process of my jaw, gums and neck.

There were a myriad of issues I had to deal with every day. The pain factor was the greatest, with the Right jaw being almost dislocated. Then I had the anxiety of not knowing when my teeth were going to chomp down on my poor tongue. Most days, both sides of my tongue were riddled with bumps from where the teeth cut through. Those times that the tooth cut deep and I bled profusely. I screamed at the top of my lungs and cried out loud for about ten minutes. I seemed to take forever for the pain to subside. Every time it happened, I asked God. “Why is this body behaving this way? Is there anybody else on earth enduring such a hell where her mouth, teeth and teeth are her worst enemy? And when will this end?”

I faithfully prayed in faith, wept and searched online for testimonies or stories of other Dystonia, Lyme and heavy metal poisoning victims experiences with recovery. I’ve yet to find anyone with these bizarre and tormenting symptoms, making me all the more isolated and disheartened. I could easily deal with the toxicity, but daily dealing with such pain every moment is almost excruciating. If it weren’t for my relationship with my Heavenly father, Jesus and Holy Spirit I surely would have fallen deeply into depression or been committed.

So, after enduring over two and a half hours of my mouth being pried open, Dr Piela fitted my molar with a temporary crown. I felt so weak from the procedure, that I asked Father God for extra help again to drive home.

So this morning, as I wake up to face yet another day, I start weeping, asking for God’s help and seeking to look deep within myself to free up my body, mind and spirit from any toxic residue. My research about mind-body connection continues as I learn from Dr Caroline Leaf how negative thoughts and emotions from the past take deep root in even our subconscious mind! I know as I continue to soul-search search and address old attitudes with the Holy Spirit, I’m getting freer and freer. But, it’s a taxing process. I vow to completely conquer rejection, abuse and trauma issues from my past. I am going upward and moving forward because Christ has paved the way for me to be fully delivered and vibrant!

Despite all this agonizing, “turtle-slow” progress, I declare

“Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

I’m called to be the poster child of mysterious, undiagnosed and environmental illness being totally healed by the stripes of Jesus Christ. I’m paving the way in the new frontier of illness that may be bio-engineered in nature.

Many questions remain unanswered as I fumble towards total wellness. I know for a certainty that My Heavenly father will never give me more than I can handle. This challenge entails a steadfast trust, faith and action in Him! This battle is not only a physical, but a spiritual where I must be in position to merge all the Biblical truths-promises with the medical-scientific components! This is truly challenging for one who has no mentor to learn from!

This blog-journal entry is quite different and even more specific than any I have ever written, probably because there is so much at stake. We are in such times where many hapless people and children are suffering greatly and where orthodox medicine has failed in it attempts to heal!

Truly, today, this generation desperately needs the most spiritually (Christ-enlightened) holistic healers. Only the pure, refined temperance of the Holy Spirit can completely make whole those with spiritually rooted or bio-engineered illnesses. Christ warns us in Matthew chapter 24 of the hosts of darkness which will come and deceive the nations, doctors and scientists to ensnare and trick the population into thinking they will be healed and free. There is no darkness in Christ at all, for His wisdom is pure. New Age has beguiled us into thinking we are our own healers.

(This blog seems to be writing itself) so, I share this journal entry with parents whose children are suffering from autism, with grown children whose parent is dying from PSP, (another degenerative and incurable movement disorder) and with those who have neurological conditions of which there is no cure or relief. These are medical-spiritual maladies that we must delve deeply into and unravel, rather than putting on a useless band-aid of pharmaceuticals which only mask the symptoms. I believe healers are entering an age of enlightenment never before entered. Natural healers and physicians must be very careful about who they are learning from.

Yahweh God has all the answers despite the claims of the “Illuminated Ones.” angels from the dark side are disquieted as angels of light. Yahweh never reveal His uncontaminated wisdom to the arrogant, selfish and demonic who wish to market and sell (in the black markets) at huge profits. Those pure ones in the medical community who truly seek the healing of the hopeless suffering will be the ones whom our Creator God will grant great successful medical and spiritual exploits!

http://yahwehisking.com/new-age-healing/

It is for this reason, I share my journey with you!

I pray you, (gifted and compassionate physicians) and patients suffering a catastrophic illness will ask Father God and Jesus Christ, who created your body, mind and spirit in perfect union with Him. It is only in Him where we will find perfect rest and peace. It is only in the shelter of His wings where we will find true refuge, Psalm 91 1&2 Those who put their full trust in Him shall not ever find themselves in slavery to dark influences. Christ said “Come to me all you that are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest.” mat 11:28

Are you weary today? Are you suffering with a mysterious or bio-engineered illness? Jesus Christ, the ultimate healer is the answer! Only through Him are all mysteries revealed and perfect healing manifested. God bless you as you give him the ropes, follow His leading, adjust your lifestyle-emotional habits and diet do everything in your power to be whole!

Expect a miracle…in Jesus’ name!